The Noir Curse (WIP) (Some feedback?)

high-fantasy
young-adult-fiction
gender-choice

#61

right…

some feedbacks…

Summary

hum…here an issue actually :stuck_out_tongue:

So…picked the ‘Dont wanna go!! let me sleep some moar! Urgh hero are always broke , who want that headech!!’’ …route . And I don’t think you wrote much to it right ?

cose I get the ‘Beaming smile you are not gonna get lost ‘’ when I wanna go home! Screw this quest! . I also get the ‘wanna save tha Gods’’…when I don’t wanna lol . and well small things like that .

here hoping you gonna write that route :slight_smile:

Other then that…

fenriiiiiiiis is that youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ? :stuck_out_tongue:

and wait…I only get 1 romance !!! JUST ONE ??? Booo!! want MOAR!

give me a succubus like fall-from-grace :hugs:

other then all that whining…now hidden lol I’m interested and gonna be looking forward to MOAR! (cose more is overrated…MOAR is MOAAR) …lol Good luck with your story! :wink:


#62

Hmmm I dont think I quite get what you mean, could you maybe explain a little bit more?

oooo i dont know who this Fenris is but now im interested :eyes:

You have six different ROs to choose from but yes its only one route at a time :joy:

And thanks for taking your time to read the demo and give me some feedback:smile:


#63

sure sure…

I can do that :stuck_out_tongue:

its from the 1st choice you ever pick :

[spoiler]So it was quite a surprise for you, when one of the lords came to your door, claiming you had been chosen for this quest.

4-Why do I have to join this quest? I have no wish of meddling into such bothersome business.[/spoiler]

This route .

link: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Fenris

no…I was half way right . I misread…I only get 2 romance :disappointed_relieved:

and I don’t mean , only one romance at a time lol I mean as a female lesbian…I only get 2 females to romance…:kissing_smiling_eyes: there goes my smoochies quota…:smirk:


#64

To make it clear… i think your style of writing is the classical Dungeons and Dragons Quest story where Protagonists be given a clear sense of destiny and objective to start the adventure, which i think has its own advantage and alluring , because it actually minus the complexity of “thinking” too much of why or when the MC start doing something … there is a trend for story these days where certain readers prefer to make up their own background or objective about starting an actual adventure… with good and detail writing , such complexity manage to provide readers with a “deeper” sense of longings towards the story .

However , your style of classical writing perhaps will attract newer readers or those who don’t want a too “serious” type of story telling… what i meant was, i am the protagonist of the story so that’s my duty and responsibility , i just start my journey without pondering too much about why and If i want to do it :slight_smile:

This is the reason why i felt your story is “light-hearted” and kind of “rekindling” the classic Dungeons and Dragons feeling … Since this is your first story , i think it will suit you well … you don’t have to think too much or “De-rail” your style of writing to appease anyone(everyone will have their own preference in the end) , simply because the joy of writing is within yourself and if possible share with those who also enjoy your “originality” :slight_smile:

I think you had already start off with a wonderful story, just carry on your good work :wink:


#65

Excellent story so far. I did have a question though, there are 6RO’s and only two of them are female? Obviously it’s up to you, but it does seem a little unbalanced.


#66

There was a WIP once with I think 5 female ROs and only 2 male ones, and people defended that decision so I feel the desire to defend this one. And with no ulterior motives because I’m totally not reveling in having so many choices for my gay little heart wink

Okay, jokes aside, I’m serious. The WIP existed and that’s just how the author wanted to write it and it deserves as much respect as games with even gender ratios. If you find you want to keep the gender ratio as it is, it’s your decision as the author and people should respect it. If someone who only wants to romance female characters doesn’t want to play a game with only two, then they just don’t and this one isn’t for them. Can’t be helped.

I mean, obviously listening to feedback is good but ultimately you know what works for you and for the story. If you think you can and want to make changes to increase the appeal, then cool. But don’t feel pressured to appeal to everyone and change the gender of a character you don’t want to, or even add another character just to pacify people. (Especially that last one, and this is coming from someone writing 8 ROs. A lot of ROs is tough heh)

On the subject of the story, I’m still working on reading the rest of the demo as I’m a lazy reader rn but I’m very intrigued by the premise and setting, and I can’t wait to romance a God lol


#67

I just noticed the list of love interests at the top.

I knew there was something suspicious about Destan! :laughing:

Honestly, all the characters seem interesting so far. @Eric_knight is right that your writing has a classical feel, although I think it’s more complex than just a simple chosen one story. After all, while one protagonist may be feeling duty and responsibility, another protagonist may act more like they’re in Game of Thrones, using this chance to kill the Night Gods or being forced to go by their lord, and you’ve dropped enough hints to suggest that there’s more going on than we think.

I’m not sure who I want to romance first, although it’s definitely going to be one of the gods.


#68

Do you mean that I didn’t write too much into that route?

Ohhh, yeah, sorry about that.


#69

Ohhh I get what you mean, priginally I didn’t even know if I was going to use this plot but since its my first interactive novel, then I wanted to use something easy that I could root out with this type of format.

Thank you so much for taking your time to give me some feedback! :smile:


#70

Rhys being a gothic bitch won’t stop me from smothering him in love and I swear to God that I will break him down until he loves me back.

image


#71

That’s correct, I know people have been saying I should add more female ro’s but I dont want to make things too complicated for me since its my first interactive novel. Actually, at the beginning I was going to make only two ROs xD


#72

Ah thanks a lot fam. I’ve been hearing a lot that I should add more female Ro’s but originally I was going to make only two RO’s since its my first interactive novel. I ended up doing 6 in the end :joy: But I hope that when I get to do my second novel I’ll be able to have more ROs and allow the player to chose their genders. But for now I think I’ll stick with what I have :sweat_smile:


#73

Thank you tons for your feedback, and if you go for one of the gods, then you’re in for a ride :eyes:


#74

I feel like this conversation is already over but I kinda wanna put in my two cents

Regarding the two female RO thing it really doesn’t bother me cause when you think about since there’s six RO’s and two possible genders for both (unless you’re gonna add more) then there are only three possible ratios, 1-5, 2-4, & 3-3 and I think there’s nothing wrong with slightly skewed ratios and looking back at them this is the most “slightly skewed” we can get however it does strike me as odd that there are no goddesses especially in a game where you can romance gods that being said if it’s better for the story this way then you shouldn’t change it


#75

At least one of the twins should be female or gender flippable, because this is mainly romance focused and the whole purpose of the competition is to make one of the twins fall in love with you, which you won’t ever really do if your a straight male or lesbian.
Then what’s the point for those players, and I know we can have different reasons for joining the competition such as destroying the curse. But what if you actually wanna try winning the competition, the main plot of the story, then your stuck with flirting, seducing, and kissing this guy or ignoring the entire part.


#76

I mean, you could have other motives such as killing the Night Gods or maybe just find where the Sun god is hiding and free him. Maybe romance won’t be the only way to save the kingdom.


#77

Yes I know, but if your interested in trying to win the competition your screwed if your a straight male or lesbian. Just saying one of the twins should be female or gender flippable to one since the whole point is making one of them fall in love with you.


#78

Rhysand? Cassian? Night God? I bet you’re ACOTAR fans :joy:


#79

Hey, one (1) question @juniper. Will the MC ever get a happy ending with Rhys?


#80

I’m not a mod but just a friendly reminder: The author has every right to write their story how they want to. They heard what people had to say and said they’re keeping it as it is, please respect that and do not make demands to change the gender of any of the ROs.