The Narcissistic Necromancer [Teaser -- more to come soon!]

nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
high-fantasy

#1

Hello everyone! I’m Sarah Stuber, a longtime lurker and a new forum goer. I’ve been a big fan of Choice of Games for a long time, and some of my inspirations are Choice of Robots, Life of a Wizard, Fallen Hero, and Mass Mother Murderer. I’ve decided to write my own story: The Narcissistic Necromancer.

It mixes a lot of genres, including dark fantasy, thriller, romance, and horror. In it, you will play as the villain of the game, a necromancer in a world where magic is despised and forbidden.

All I have right now is a tiny teaser, but I was so excited that I just had to put this demo out there. Plus, I think shoving this out in the world will help me get my writing juices flowing.

Summary:

Magic is forbidden and punishable by death, but when your life is torn apart by tragedy, it might be your only answer. You never thought of yourself as a villain, but sometimes what is good and what is evil are not so different.

What there will be when the story is done:

  • Play as male, female, or non-binary; romance males, females, both, or no one at all
  • Become a powerful necromancer in a world where magic is feared and punishable by death
  • 250k words
  • 4 Romance Options: 2 males, 2 females
  • Tons of stats

So, uh, let me know what you think. What I have now is just meant to give you an idea of my writing style and get you interested for what’s to come tonight. Hopefully I’ll be writing the rest of Chapter 1 and posting it pretty soon.

Please be nice because this is my first story ever and I’m a good girl. :cry::hugs:

Warning:

TNN is intended for teenagers and adults only. The story will include:

  • Violence
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Disturbing elements
  • Sexual abuse

Demo Link:

https://dashingdon.com/play/sarahstuber/the-narcissistic-necromancer/mygame/

Please consider “liking” this if you enjoyed the demo, so that others will try it out too. :green_heart:


#2

It is rather … short.
And I found a bug in the stats screen
choicescript_stats line 23: Non-existent variable ‘stealth’

Still, the idea of me playing as a necromancer? I assume that I get to play as a Necromancer? please say “yes” *cough Is pretty cool.


#3

Oops! I forgot to update my dashingdon files. I’ll do that soon.


#4

I really liked your writing style and was able to enjoy the story can’t comment much on this cause it’s currently very short but I have a feeling that you will do great things so best of luck for future :wink:


#5

The writing style felt rather plain. But like it was mentioned it’s very short to give any solid feedback. I’m curious on what do you consider to be a villain though. I’m not against playing one, but if you’re are going with necromancer/villain then it feels cliched.


#6

I liked the writing style , it seems to have potential. But why not have the MC in the village. Regardless I am looking forward to more updates and see where this is going.


#7

@Sarahstuber Preliminary review. Only one page of text, 0 choices throughout the entire story, still not the most railroaded I’ve ever felt. The intro is genuinely intriguing and makes me want to learn more, and I will be following.

In fact, this joke of a “review” was mainly to tag this topic so I’d see updates.


#8

I appreciate your feedback. I’d be interested to see what you think later when I update more!

@checkmate
Good question! One of my favorite authors, @malinryden once said, “Start as far away as possible from the beginning of the story.” I like that advice. There’s always gonna be cool stuff you technically skipped over to start the story, but even just the idea of what happened before is a good first catalyst, I think.

Plus, it’s also a bit mysterious! What really happened? Were the goblins innocents who were slaughtered by a paranoid and intollerant village? Were they really ruthless raiders trying to raze Tebor? Or was it something in between? Every character in the story has a different take. :slight_smile:

kckolbe:
Lol! Thanks! :joy:


#9

Keep up the good work it’s a nice start. :grin:


#10

Was that advice from Vonnegut? He says start as close to the ending as possible (as well as so many wonderful things to be a good human and/or writer).


#11

This is what I did, hell I skipped a thousand years in my story hahaha


#12

Short but intriguing start!

The style used is good for a backstory, but I’d hope a more ‘personal’ touch later on. Seeing that we’ll need to root for the villain this time, having a good characterisation here can help lots.

Oh, and paragraphs are long! Reading this on a phone felt intimidating; maybe try cutting down several of them — or consider shortening them? This is a non-issue for bigger displays, but it gets tiring for smaller screens.

As a fellow lurker, I appreciate the willingness to make your own story here! I hope you’ll have fun writing down the rest of the chapter.


#13

Thanks!

Absolutely. I plan on giving lots of different choices for how the MC can go about things and interact with characters, but I also plan on them being a bit more defined, kinda like in Fallen Hero, or even Mass Mother Murderer. You’ll be playing as a narcisist, so there will be lots of traits that you’ll have automatically.

In fact…I wasn’t entirely content with my title, but that just made think of the perfect one. :exploding_head: runs and changes title

I can definitely shorten paragraphs a bit.

D’aw, thanks…again!


#14

The concept is interesting.
The story about goblins is interesting (I liked that they are not necessary all-chaotic-evil, as well as the idea of conflicting reports on the village attack), but it is not working very well as a part if an interactive story right now. I wold like to see player character interacting with this goblin story in some way, instead of just being told by a narrator.

For example:
  1. The main character returns from their delivery job, only to see their village half-destroyed. :open_mouth:
  2. MC starts helping to clean up the village, while trying to find out what happened. :female_detective:
  3. Their fellow villagers give conflicting reports. :thinking:
  4. Frustrated with that, MC tries to reanimate a goblin’s corpse.:zombie:

Or something like that. Anyway, good luck with writing your story!


#15

Thanks for the suggestions.

Welp, turns out the chapter will be longer than I had expected, and I’m also running out of steam way before the finish line. :sweat_smile: I was able to write 2k words, but that’s all for now. I’ll try to get Chapter 1 up in the next few days.

Thanks so much for your interest, everyone! 43 likes in 10 hours is amazing. :scream::sob::star_struck:


#16

My writing advice that I take to heart is " Is this the most interesting part of the story, and if not why are we not reading that?"- Yahtzee Croshaw
( Author of Jam, Mogworld, We’ll Save the Galaxy for Food, and Differently Morphous )


#17

Nice! I agree to some extent, but I also think there have to be slower moments, too, or the crazy twists and climaxes aren’t as impactful. That said, I can promise you I’ll be delivering an exciting and gripping story. Or that’s the plan, at least. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


#18

I agree with you. How I interpret the advice is that the slower moment are there to make the big moment better, but if you are just making the story slow with no payoff its going to be a drag to read.


#19

And if have not read any of his books I really recommended them. All of his books are comedies, but Mogworld has almost the same premise as this.


#20

So, this will be a pretty dark story as far as CSGs go but I promise I’ll try to handle things as sensitively as I can! I’ve added a warning to the original post, and I’ll add one to the demo tonight, too.