The Myrmidon (WIP) (Minor update 03/10/2017)

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Hello all,

You’ve probably seen me from one of the several thousand overly long posts I’ve left all over this forum over the past few months.

You’ve probably asked yourself who exactly this berk is, and why he’s so eager to comment on other people’s games when he hasn’t presented one of his own.

Well after today you’re only going to be asking one of those questions, because here is my very own attempt at a CoG game!

https://dashingdon.com/play/moreau/the-myrmidon/mygame/index.php?cb=25266

The game is tentatively called ‘The Myrmidon’ because names are hard, you guys…

It’s a far-far far in the future tale of power-hungry nobles and rebellious citizenry that also tangentially happens to be about robots and tattooed magicians living a sealed enclosure roughly the size of Texas, protected from the world outside by a two-mile high steel quadruped that forms the basis of its own religion.

… It is mostly about the first two things, in case I lost you there…

It contains romance, betrayal, intrigue, and a tortoise the size of a frigate.

I’d like a little feedback and perhaps some creative ideas about where the story might go from here (I have a decent idea but I’d like to see what you think).

Full disclosure:
This idea first came into being during an ultimately fruitless collaboration between various writers. While it didn’t amount to too much, I did put in a great deal of time and effort building my own world-space and writing scenes, so I thought I’d just go ahead and make my own game.

If you were involved in the original collaboration (and haven’t be eaten by either Orcas or the State of Florida) come on in and take a look, see whether you like where the scraps of that idea went.

Also, here is a collection of teaser scenes that have been written that take place in various places and times within the game:

The game now has a changelog of sorts on the stats page, but for those not willing to click that far, the latest change is the addition of Chapter One for the Rebel Path: An Upright Machine.

EDIT: 07/05/2017

Nobody panic or react! Just updating the link to a dashingdon.com one. No new content I’m afraid. Just some existing content repackaged to be a tad more… usable.

I may reopen the thread at some point in the near future, but not until I have something new to show for it.

EDIT: 11/09/2017

Once again, not too much in the way of new content so not re-opening the thread just yet. I’ll admit I’ve taken quite a long time off from this game due to a whole host of reasons that I am sure you will not be interested in, however I would like to tentatively start work on it again, and as a minor proof of concept I have redrafted the synopsis document to correctly detail the basic worldbuilding.

For now I’ll just say that I’m looking to start work on retooling the existing text and adding the beginning of the Noble path, although I won’t give a set deadline because we’re not quite there yet. Either way, I’ll let you know if anything happens worth noting and thanks for your continuing patience.

EDIT: 14/09/2017

So I’ve re-opened the thread and am now officially looking to start writing again! I’ve written in a codex, redrafted the existing scenes, changed the third-gender pronouns from zhe/zher to they/them and will hopefully have the first section of the Noble path’s chapter one up in a day or two.

Thank you in advance for your playthroughs and critiques, and as ever any new ideas or thoughts about the subject matter are welcome too.

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nb option please. i thirst

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I’ve been waiting for you to come out with a game! Now to play it…

BTW: there’s an error with the Stats Screen.

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Absolutely will be adding NB options, but the player character you’re currently playing isn’t the real player character…

I swear it’ll make sense, by Grabthar’s Hammer I swear it…

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The Stats screen? Well frankly the Stats screen is currently empty even when it does work. There’s nothing there yet.

Once I add the various values to it, I will definitely get it to work…

I will definitely try to get it to work…

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Sick bruh, I’m down 4 nb options always hoohah

Your game is pretty interesting. It feels like you’re trying to avoid exposition, but in the end it feels like a text dump: too much writing in one go, and too many new concepts to grasp in such a short time. Instead, try and make your reader identify with the character by drawing attention and parallels between this world and the real world.

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Yup, it definitely needs streamlining.

I haven’t even gotten to the real high-concept stuff yet, and I’m just bogged down in stuff to explain.

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Well I’ll be damned… @Moreau put up a WIP…

Nice ! :smile:

So far , the game seems really good and well written ,with an intresting plot and world to back it up !

Buuuut…“startup line 293: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the intended block” (same thing goes for line 521)

:wink:

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I saw the (first) fix attempt link thingy, and it solved the first and second error (line 293 and 521) , but now there’s another one of the same style at line 527 :disappointed_relieved:

Le choices:

  1. Attempt 1 : ask , lad , knight , do to me , she was there = “startup line 527: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the intended block.”

  2. Attempt 2 : ask , lad , knight , friends , she was there = “startup line 527: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the intended block.” (Again :sweat:)

I hope you’ll figure it out , I could barely make a 2 choice game :sweat_smile:

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Well, third time was almost the charm :

You got rid of the previous stuff , but now you get : “smatrm line 67 : increasing indent not allowed , expected 0 was 1” after choosing increased brain power.

(I did both Attempt 1 and Attempt 2 choices again)

Good luck again ? :smile:

Oh and it was nice finally actually getting to the android part ! :sweat_smile:

And quick question , was there an above average height and average weight option there , did I miss it ?

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smartm2 line 67: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1

That happens when you’re asked to be the heir after choosing the “brain power” option in the forge, also female PCs are referred to as “he” after displaying her “brain power”

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I didn’t ended a playthrough due the errors already commented. However, I could say I totally found off the character, like it wasn’t my character and more a plot puppet. The setting is interesting, but your text is too much for the lack of real action. That made the suspense and mystery drop. If I were you I didn’t explain anything until our character enters in scene. And began strong with you are trapped and you do not remember exactly where or what happened.

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Another one !

“prettym 2 line 49 : increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1” , after choosing attractive skin ?

And another one !

“toughm 2 line 37 : increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1” , after choosing strong muscle fibre

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Could it really have been that hard for them to find someone who was actually comatose, damnit? Hope we eventually get the chance to get our memories back and horribly murder the lady who kidnapped us.

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I disagree here. I think @Moreau did a great job with the mystery and suspense here, I was on the edge of my seat all the way to the end of the demo. This did come at the cost of our character, a bit, but honestly that person dies in the forge. We’re just beginning to define our real character.

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Good point, perhaps the character could have a little more agency, but that character isn’t the true player character, the Golem that comes out of the Forge is. However I will look to retooling that section to seem a bit less static.

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I like you. You can come back.

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Can I come back too ? Please ?

I’ll stop bringing up coding errors , just unlock the cellar :sob:

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Wait a minute… Am I locking you out or keeping you locked in?

This is an important detail.

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Ok, so after some frantic applications of duct-tape, solder, bubblegum and hope I have plugged the holes that have cropped up so far.

Keep sending them in and we’ll get you to the end of this short demo.

Hmm…

Doesn’t sound as impressive as it did in my head…

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