It’s the problem of writing in the second person, really. Hard to know if you can get away with perspective switches you could in third, or if you’re glued to the MC like in first person. Unfortunately, most writing advice for writing in the second person boils down to ‘don’t’.
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Ok, so my stupid timezone is all “Its night, you need to go to work tomorrow.” And usually I’d be like “Whatever timezone, you’re not my real Dad!”
But I really do need to turn in for the night…
Thank you all enormously for taking the time to read and comment, please do keep replying and commenting, I will absolutely get back to each and every one of you.
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I love the mystery of it all and I can’t wait to see how the three branches pan out and possibly connect the characters are cool and mysterious the writing style was great.
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This is pretty cool I love it so far.
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The aspect of your story that’s most striking is how articulate it seems. It feels less like exposition and more world building by way of introducing us to a whole host of characters (each of whom I’m hoping will be fleshed out as the story’s developed)
Though I must admit it did feel a little overwhelming, what with there being so few options to simply choose from nearer to the beginning of the story (since it IS a CoG game at heart). Apart from that I really enjoyed the story and thought the way in which you choose your traits was quite refreshing and (as far as you can say with the mc being an android, and ironically so,) natural
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It’s really damn cool, I liked the suspense you put up all the way through the demo. I really liked The setting, I did run through the same problems you are being told about over and over again so I’ll spare you of that :}. Overall, the game so far looks awesome!
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I want to be able to one day tell my friends (I so will go with them, easily) that I am not really the one they used to know… That person was murdered and I am but a pale imitation (must have been bleach in that thingie). 
Edited to add: 
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@Moreau first of all i like The name Radjack! So please dont change it! Its intrestingly cool and weird sounding in a good way! 
Back to topic, i greatly enjoyed the demo and would love to see and interact with mother and the burned man more! 
Also a question! If you dont mind answering: Can we become all evil? Muhahaha 
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I like the demo so far and I’m interested to see this story develop, but I do have the the questions (hopefully not asked or at least answered as of yet) about whether or not the MC will be able to regain or retain their memories and become the person they once were, or were based upon?
But other than that its a great story, I like your writing style and can’t wait for more!
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Found a bug: after fighting off the King Toise and returning to mother, I got an error: it is illegal to fall into an else statement
Revenge against who? My character is happy to be a nobility child She probably would scheme to gain more personal power from mom. The rebels burning people who burned my character house would never be my character main buddies. My girl is for power to herself and to be a noble. A possibility of developing a real personality (ruthless charming or brave … could be so great. The beginning is great except all this explanations that is no way my character knew in other room. I would love a totally unexplained intro with you are suddenly in the party and introduced in the machine within known anyone else. but it is just my opinion
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Will we eventually get the opportunity to throw our enemies into the Forge? I’d like to see Gray scoff at wanting revenge after HE’s been killed and replaced with a robot.
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I’m not sure how many of these questions I can answer without giving huge tracts of the story away, but I’ll take a stab at this one (because its a fairly important one).
The short answer is that no, you will not receive your original memories because they are not your memories. The long answer is more complex, if you follow Radjack, if you try to track down your past, the people who love ‘you’ will try to acclimatise you to ‘your’ old life. The emotional punch of that story is that everyone knows soon after chapter one that you are not the person they loved.
Each of them struggles with what to do with you, emotionally speaking. They see you as something between a fresh-faced being in need of their help and a constant, punishing reminder of personal tragedy.
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Thanks, I’ve been picking up a lot of those, and @Lycoris has been a true noble by looking exhaustively through my code for errors just like it. Hopefully should have caught that one by now, but do let me know if it’s still there.
Now I want to see this story finished as soon as humanly possible. I do love good angst in a story ^_^.
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This has so much potential for angst and I LOVE angst.
Can you tell us more about the RO’s? I already have my eyes on Radjack and the female knight/guard,
So will there be 3 branches? One where you stay with “mother,” another where you follow Radjack, and finally one where you follow the magician dude?
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Two excellent questions and one very flattering comment.
First of all yes there are currently three planned ‘splits’ where the story diverges. As you guessed, the first will be a tale of political intrigue where you become the adopted heir of Lady Calinas and a vital lynchpin in her plans to secure political power (by hopefully marrying you off to one of the King’s children).
The key influences here are the works of Alexandre Dumas, particularly The Count of Monte Cristo, to my mind the perfect revenge story.
The second story is your ‘abduction’ by a rebellious gang known to the locals as ‘The Yeomen’ (Radjack and his friends). Between the harsh living conditions of the city and the insane lengths the authorities will go to take you back, the city is a powder-keg, waiting to blow.
The key influences here are Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables and Terry Pratchett’s Night Watch, don’t worry, the singing will be kept to a minimum.
The third story is the strangest of the bunch, following the Magister Arinthas leads you on a divine quest for redemption and the Freedom of Mankind from its self-imposed prison. The world this story takes place in is surrounded by a great circular wall, and no human being has set foot outside in more than 4000 years. Arinthas believes that the human race with wither and atrophy if it lives in fear of the outside world, and so he had made it his life’s goal to open the gate and take Humanity home to reclaim its ancestral holdings.
Unfortunately to do this he must find a way to communicate with the Nomad, a two-mile high metal giant who stalks the untamed lands near the outer wall. The Nomad is the Guardian of the Way, and only when Humanity is proven worthy will it open the Great Iris.
So a little harder to trace the influences there, but lots of anguish, pop philosophy and moral bargaining, aided by a Mephistopheles-like holographic avatar that follows Arinthas trying to undo his works at every turn.
Regarding the ROs, I’d like a fairly diverse set of love interests, and would welcome any input on things like gender and sexuality.
On the Noble Path, there are four romantic options as yet:
Prince Etienne and Princess Echo, the twin children of the reigning king. He a socially aloof dreamer, she a rebellious and artistic soul with dangerous ideals.
Ser Farah of Strom is absolutely a romantic option, a career soldier searching for absolution and moral peace in a cruel world.
The enigmatic Mr Gray has a fire that burns within him, one that will surely set him or the world ablaze. Do you have what it takes to soothe the burning wounds of his tragic past?
On the Rebel path, there are currently two romantic interests (with an option on a third and fourth)
The smiling beggar-prince Radjack is a natural (if unwilling) leader of men, seemingly carefree and smart-mouthed in equal measure. Could you be the one to see past the endless disguises and see the man underneath?
Kataka Moshi (Mosh to her fellow Yeomen) has been tending bar at the Stone and Hewer since she was a little girl. She’s as pretty as a summer-flower and harder than a coffin nail, and she’d challenge the King himself to a fistfight to protect a fellow underdog. Is there a softer side behind all the anger and noise?
As for the Mage Path, Arinthas is at least 240 years old, so he’s not really into the whole romance thing.
His two robotic thralls Vitruvian and Ariadne though? They’re totally up for learning about this strange human emotion called love.
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