The Magicless (Wip: Small update Tuesday 20 August 2019)

Rambling

Good morning, everyone. I joined the forum quite recently. I was lurking in since then. I fell in love with the diversity of everyone’s ideas. And I decided to try to write a story too. I’m not really the best, even if I didn’t finish it, it would help me become a better writer.

Summary

You were born into one of the most powerful families in the kingdom of Magister. Your father is one of the most powerful Magus knights in the kingdom. So, everyone expects you to be a super power too, but it later turns out that you are the first magicless in history ( Well, its not really true because there are other magicless in the other kingdoms but there never were any in Magister). One day, one of the Arch-Mage of the temple discovered a prophecy buried in the depths of time. It says:

“When the tarnished soul see the world for the first time.”

“On the realm where the divine essence crawls everywhere.”

“It’s story will be that of the traitor.”

“It will bring sadness, desolation and chaos to the divine ground.”

“It will claim it’s destiny.”

“That await it on the throne of the chosen ones.”

“Waiting for it patiently.”

Updates

Update1: Part of prologue and part of the stat screen are done.

The link to the demo is here:
Demo

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this story is good read wish you luck

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Thank you :slight_smile: I hope i will become better at it.

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I got stuck after choosing the baby gender (boy), it kept loading. pls fix it!!

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I really liked your Demo, it seemed really interesting so far. I’ll surely keep an eye out on this one. But I’m not sure if its a bug or you didn’t use the right code to end the Demo but somethings wrong there. It always causes confusion amongst a lot of people.

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Seems interesting

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First of all, welcome! :smiley:

Forgive me if this comes off as rude at any point, it isn’t my intention!

The current demo is pretty small for me to gauge which part I like and which parts I don’t. I can probably give a better review once there is more content.

There are couple of grammatical errors, mostly tense and a couple of spelling mistakes. (By the way, it’s ‘news’ not ‘new’! English has some weird words like news, glasses, scissors that are kind of exceptions to the more common rules. You have to watch out for them. Don’t worry though, I sometimes mix them up too!). There are also some sentences that are a bit needlessly long or just awkwardly structured. Again, don’t worry as you can always go and fix them up later. I understand the tense part too well, as a non-native English speaker I always mix different tenses in a single sentence! Would it be okay if I showed you where I found grammatical errors? I only found problems at a surface level though (considering my English is at primary level), so don’t know how much of a help that will be!

By the way, I believe the current demo ends right after you choose the baby’s gender, yes? I think there might be a coding issue considering clicking ‘next chapter’ leads to a loading loop. Might want to revisit that part.

Again, sorry if this comes off as rude! I really wouldn’t want to put you off, especially since it’s your first story!

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Actually, it’s where the Demo end lol. I will update it as son as i have goto more content and thanis for your intérêts :slight_smile:

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Thank you :slight_smile:

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Thank you! :slight_smile:

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Yeah i was like post it to see what they tought of the story XD. Don’t sorry, i’m still writing, i will post an update soon.

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Actually, i’m son that’s why XD. I wrote in french use deepl to translate XD

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And dont worry, your comment was son helpful. Thank you! :slight_smile:

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I’m glad it helped you, even if it’s not that much!
By the way, if you are replying to a lot of people at once, it’s better to just use @ and mention them / just quote them in a single post instead of making separate replies for each part / every person. Sometimes, if you post too many different replies one after another, you might get flagged for spamming!

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Oh OK thanks. Didn’t know about that XD

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Even if it’s short. I like it so far ! Can’t wait for more :blush: Good luck :+1::four_leaf_clover:
(Oh et ravie de voir que d’autres Fr participent sur ce forum !)

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Thank you :slight_smile: I will update again in the following week.
(Moi aussi même si je suis pas français de souche XD)

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Even though it is short it managed to caught my interest. I can’t wait to read more

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Thank you :slight_smile: I’m almost done writing the next update. I think i will be able to update it in 3 to 4 days.

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Can I commit acts of mass slaughter in this game?

What type of themes and content can we expect from this WIP friendo.

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