Don’t worry, there’s still about 485k left of this story, so you’ll have plenty of time to become much more powerful than any of the characters so far. 
Yeah! So for example it would be something like this:
How do you solve this problem?
*choice
#Use destruction magic (requires destruction magic and one mana)
#use strength (requires 10+ strength)
#use stealth (requires 10+ stealth)
#fail
Although, there would obviously be more choices, detail, etc.
You follow him down quickly, though you’re careful not to slip as you descend the tree. It takes a few minutes, but the two of you eventually get to the bottom of the tree again, hoping down to the ground. Keano stretches and says, “Ah, I never get tired of that!”
Sir! I think you lost this one letter “p”, sir!
@Samuel_H_Young - I’m taking a break and I’m reading your sample now.
One continuity issue I have is with the dialogue between myself and Zaleth. Since he’s embedded in my mind, I’d assume he’s communicating via mental theatrics. Things like: [quote] The demon glares and says grumpily, [/quote] makes sense if he’s next to us in person or in a mental projection but doesn’t make sense with the “voice-in-the-head” description given.
Perhaps if you say something like: “Getting the feeling the demon is glaring at you from his grumpy tone,” … it makes the dialogue more organic with what the situation is.
Edit Major continuity issue:
I visit the woods, in defiance of possibly pissing off the parents - so it should be sometime near sunset… yet, after [spoiler] climbing the tree and viewing the scenery … I get:
[quote]“Well,” he says with a sigh, “I think I’m going to head back. I could really use some lunch right now!”
At the thought of lunch, your stomach begins to growl. “Yeah, me too,” you admit. [/quote] [/spoiler]
Either I time shift on my adventures or that demon in my head is seriously messing with my sense of time.
I don’t want to come across as rude or anything, but here you wrote “Despite Killian and his lackies ruining your morning, you still have a lot to look forward to today. […]” when the plural for lackey is lackeys. Just pointing it out, sorry if you are already aware of it.
I can go back and change those little descriptions. Thanks for pointing that out.
Nope…no time travel or Zaleth messing with your sense of time. Just a simple oversight.
You’re not being rude at all, you just pointed out a typo like I requested. Thanks!
Honestly, I did not know that. I thought it was lackies. I guess I learned something new today 
I actually had to look it up to be sure, it just sounded weird in my mind when I read it, like, “Killian and his lackies ruining your morning,” and somehow my brain conjured up a scene (which admittedly is quite amusing) where MC is being bullied and insulted by three incorporeal voices, which in turn prompted me to think that having a demon stuck in my head/mind was already enough.
I changed the title from Beta to WIP because it isn’t complete yet. Only completed games should be named as beta.
Actually, this can be considered a beta. Betas are not “complete” by any means and the only reason I decided to leave it as is, is because @Samuel_H_Young seems to be ok by the change.
This is for Works in progress - be they in the planning stages, alpha-production (which this is more of) or beta - open or closed beta. There is a distinct forum for submitted works and their “betas” but that is an entirely different matter.
Hey guys, you don’t need to keep changing the title of my thread.
Which one do you want to keep: WiP or Beta? I don’t want to cause any unnecessary trouble.
He is able to change his own title and is experienced with projects already - lets let him control his thread… That was my original point.
Yeah I know that, and I wholeheartedly support your point. Lets stop this here. No need to deviate from the original motive of the thread.
You stopped arguing on your own? Oh my God, I’ve finally found what I was looking for! Humanity still has a chance! Having to deal with immature people who cannot seem to be able to avoid getting lost in their urge to win or get angry and scream at you just because you undermine their arguments with logic (which is what it should be about, ironically) is exhausting, so this is a nice refresher.
I don’t know whether you’re being sarcastic or not, but its still greatly appreciated.
Sadly, I am serious. I mean, it’s sad because there’s so much people that can’t manage what you two just did. It may not seem like a big deal, but when you think about it, you realise that it IS a big deal.
In the woods my MC wanted some lunch but it was past that reminder that he has to go home for dinner
Okay, that’s fixed now.
So, upon some more thought, I think I’m going to keep the little descriptions of Zaleth being emotive. It allows me a bit more freedom and gives more flavor. To explain it away, I’ve added this to the beginning when you first meet him in the story: “He’s been inside your mind so long, though, that by now you can usually tell when he’s smirking, shrugging, or whatever else just by the tone of his voice. That demon is a creature of habit if there ever was one, the bastard.”
Hopefully that’s sufficient. If not, feel free to let me know.