The Magician's Task (WIP) [Chapters 1-3, 74k words] (CLOSED FOR NEW THREAD)

@RETowers @Havenstone @JimD
Hey there, mods. I was wondering: if a mod deletes the poll from my original post on this thread, will I be able to edit the post again? The poll is fun and informative but I want to be able to add stuff to the original post as I go.

IIRC I don’t have any special powers over polls. The only thing you can do with them is delete them and start again, but I’ve never experimented.

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So Chapter Two is clocking in at 34k right now. It will probably end up being 40k, but I have the next three days off work so I’m gonna try to get this chapter out on Wednesday night.

Lol, and now the poll is starting to glitch. Rigel has more votes than Mabelin but he’s behind her xD

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Rough, but good… Do you have some sort of fixation on giving characters unique hair (or lack thereof)? Also, when we choose to explore the cave, I appreciate being able to flirt with Violet, though when she leaves, I found that the choices that the player are given were somewhat lacking, as an example, in that situation, I would have liked to say something about her being crazy but fun, or a more romantic choice.

Finally, why does the player always respond to the Demon? Silence could be a viable option…

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Y’know, you have an “introverted” stat, which would suggest that you can play as the shy-mage, but I feel like many of the choices force you to be either outgoing or a jackass. Don’t lead me on like that, man. It just leads to disappointment on both our parts.

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Not particularly. Only Violet and Mabelin fit that description, and that’s because their hairdo matches their personalities and it makes them more interesting.

Does this this choice not fall under that category?

#What a badass! A creepy, weird one, but a badass nonetheless.
*set violet +1
*set willpower +1
(+1 Willpower, +1 Violet)
*line_break
You definitely look forward to seeing her again. She may be unpredictable and probably a bit crazy, but that’s part of the fun. You might have to visit this cave again, since you’re certain she’ll be coming back some time or another.

I could add another option that’s more romantic, too.

I guess because I wanted them to. :stuck_out_tongue: There will be plenty of times throughout the story when, if not given a *choice, the MC will just ignore Zaleth, though. Thanks for the feedback.

@Grmreaps
This is a WIP, buddy. If you’d like for me to add some more choices that fit the introverted MCs better, I can certainly do that.

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True. I would just rather not refer to someone as bad*** but that’s more of a personal preference.
Thanks for the response.
Interested in seeing how this turns out!

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Yeah, in The Magician’s Task, I’m experimenting with adding much more profanity than in my previous works. I realize it won’t sit well with everyone, but it might make it more immersive for some readers and it also makes some sense, with the majority of the characters being anywhere from 18-30. I would never dream of making the dialogue as profanity-ridden as teens and young adult dialogue is in real life (for example, I swear like a sailor constantly) but there will be some mild profanity throughout.

Thanks again.

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Hmm…I’m adding some more Zaleth mischief, which will probably make Chapter 2 go up to around 45k…it’s at 38k right now, so it could be another week or two until it’s done…
:sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile::grimacing::grimacing::grimacing:

EDIT:

MAJOR UPDATE:

At long last, chapter 2 is out! This adds 40k words to the demo, and brings it to 58k total. The replay ability is quite considerable, with each playthrough getting about 18k, so I would recommend you read this multiple times and try out the different mini-scenes, of which there are several. This chapter introduces four new characters: Mowbow the cat, your father, your mother, and your little brother, Percy. It also has muuuch more content regarding all of the characters you met in chapter one.

Also, this is the first chapter to introduce stat checks! If you think they’re too high, let me know! If you think there should be more options on certain choices and have some ideas of what I could add, please feel free to tell me.

Now, this chapter is very big and very complicated, so I’m expecting for there to be tons of typos, continuity errors, and bugs. Any help weeding these out is much appreciated! I would also love to hear any feedback and comments regarding the characters, flow, writing, etc. Enjoy!

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First impressions I’m getting is that I wish there were more inactive or neutral options, especially with the parents. When my father attacks Killian, I either have to genuinely thank him or call out his bad behavior, when I would rather just sort of ignore him or thank him half-heartedly. Or later on in that scene when my mother pays me, I either have to be ignorant/accepting of her lies about the monetary situation, or I have to call her out immediately. And to a lesser extent, at the scribe job with Rigel or when Violet asks why I’m a thief–to Rigel it’s either a friend option or a mean option, when I wanted to just sort of shrug and leave. I don’t wanna be mean to the guy, but my character doesn’t necessarily like him all that much. And when telling Violet why a thief job was appealing, all of my options are fairly extreme (“this is the only way I feel alive,” “I am Robin Hood now,” etc), when “this seemed better than the other jobs” or “I got caught and didn’t want to get punished” is more what I was thinking (well, that and “this was the job that would let me hang out with Violet” but my character doesn’t know that I think). As is, it feels like all or most of the options are really pushing me to one side or another with the various stats, especially rel ones, and it feels sort of forced. I get that stats should maybe still be affected, but like–using getting paid by your mom as an example–being silently disapproving could also lower the mother stat, just by less of an amount than being brazenly disapproving.

When choosing your jobs, if you select thief first the conversation reads a little oddly? If that could unlock after choosing your first job, so you finished with “it’s hard to find more work” it would flow a lot more naturally.

The stat check at the general store was at 7, which felt like a solid amount, but when working the thief job all the stat checks to get in were at 10 and that felt too high. Putting it at 8 or 9 would make it passable for people like me who aren’t really stat grinding, as opposed to the 10 checks that I had to retry a couple times to figure out how to get past.

It seems like most of the flirt options increase Charisma? Or at least it looks like it, glancing at them. @COGZealot kind of touched on this but I wouldn’t mind more subtle or shy romance options. I’ve noticed it mostly with Violet, but it looks like the usual interaction set up has one response that’s obviously flirty and kind of sexual and then a couple more that are friendly and may or may not be platonic, but I’d enjoy more flirts that aren’t quite so forward but are still clearly romantic. The first post says that you can play as asexual, which I’m hoping will come into play more as the romances pan out, but it would also be nice to have more stuff that could show it in earlier interactions

And I found this coding error about the MC’s gender in the General Store, but didn’t bump into any other issues!

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Good points! The next thing I’ll be working on is adding more neutral and introverted options to the first two chapters.

I went back and changed most of the stat checks down to 8, so that should make it more manageable. I certainly don’t want this to be a min-maxing game!

Good spot; I fixed that little bug.

Thanks for the detailed feedback!

EDIT:

MINOR UPDATE:

I went back and added some more options that will hopefully fit better for introverted MCs to Chapter 1. This amounted to around 1,000 words, so now the total word count for the demo is 59k.

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It might just be me, but I sense a bit of tension in the word “buddy”. It’s okay dude, I’m not going to flip out at you for not writing your story exactly how I want it to be, I was just trying to emphasis my point by exaggerating how much it bothered me. I appreciate that you added some more introvert options.

So, I’m well aware that silence after a big update is very bad. What were your issues with Chapter 2?

After we’ve already met Maeblin at Arena and then when we meet her in chess club(?) Could you change the way we are introduced and she’ll be more like “Oh hey dude weren’t you at the arena and we fought? Wait are ya stalking me douchebag!?” (:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )or something like that…?

Great Work on game so far. Good Luck! :smile:

Typos Beware!

Zaleth snickers. “What a show!” his gravely voice says.

grave

Then she notices you standing there awkwardly. “Hey, David,” she says. “Finally showing some interesting in sparring, huh?”

interest

Your father stares at your for a moments, his eyes narrowed, but then he suddenly lifts back his head and lets out a long, boisterous guffaw, spilling some of his ale over his already stained shirt.

you

You would be give your choice of weapon to wield while on the line of duty: a club, sword, staff, or bow and arrows.

given

Once they have doned their clothes and left, you quickly make your way to the nearest locker.

donned

To stay any longer would be too risky, though, so you just pocket the coins and leave, heading downthe hallway to meet the vice-captain.

down the

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Yeah, I could definitely have her call you a stalker, haha. Nice suggestion.

Thanks for finding all those typos! I’ll fix them tomorrow.

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I can’t choose to trow a fireball, altrough I choosed destruction magic.

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Probably because of low Mana :thinking:

I didn’t used any magic.

Thanks for pointing that out! That bug is now fixed.

I also corrected all the typos that @AmericanShakespeare spotted.

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this WIP is awesome! the history see fine and the characters are great ( in special Mabelin :smirk::wink: ) I can’t wait to see more about this game :grinning:

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