The Magician's Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

young-adult-fiction
high-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#1

Hey, there, everyone! I am the author of the Hosted Games, Trial of the Demon Hunter, Captive of Fortune, and Foundation of Nightmares.

As much as it pains me to do so, I’m closing down my original TMB WIP thread and making a new one. The reason I’m doing this is because since I added a poll to the original post, that means I can never edit the OP again, and this is becoming a huge pain in the ass. So, this is the brand new shiny thread. There will be much more polls, more stuff added to the OP as I go, and even shameless self-advertising. :wink: Without further ado, here’s some stuff about my fantasy epic, The Magician’s Burden:

This one is going to be the first installment in an epic, fantasy romance trilogy set in the world of Lume, which is the same world that my previous three HGs are set in. You are a magician living in a small village outside of the Kingdom of Githrad. At first, you are just living a fairly normal life. You have to go to work, deal with bullies, and pay the rent at your parent’s house.

You can choose between being a guard, a scribe, a farmer, a thief, or a clerk at your parent’s general store. You get to have fun, too, like playing in chess tournaments, sparring, reading at the library, exploring necromancer’s caves, and exploring the woods.

Then, a horde of demons attack your village and everything changes. You will be trained by the powerful and quirky wizard, Melithar the Eccentric, and journey to the kingdom of Githrad with a healer, archer, swordswomen, and a thief who is also a demon huntress, in order to help them fight against a much, much larger threat: an entire army of demons!

Oh, yeah. You’re also hijacked by a demon named Zaleth.

Here is what there WILL be when the book is finished

  • 250k words of content.
  • 4 different romance options: 2 male, 2 female
  • choose your gender: male, female, or non-binary
  • choose your sexuality: straight, bi, gay, or asexual
  • tons of cool achievements
  • a crazy amount of replay ability. Even on the very first choice. Try it!
  • lots of (hopefully) three dimensional characters including your family, a wizard, a healer, an archer, a bully and his cronies, multiple demons, a VICE-captain of the guard, a thief who is also a demon huntress, and many more!
  • lots and lots of stats, detailing your skills, knowledge, attributes, relationships, and inventory
  • three different kinds of magic for you to choose from: stealth, light, or dark

ALL sorts of feedback is appreciated. Typo catching, bug catching, suggestions, comments, etc.

As stated before, TMB is set in the same world as my previous trilogy, and it also shares three main characters with those stories. If you’re interested in my other HGs, you can check them out here:

Trial of the Demon Hunter: https://www.choiceofgames.com/user-contributed/trial-of-the-demon-hunter/

Captive of Fortune: https://www.choiceofgames.com/user-contributed/captive-of-fortune/#utm_medium=web&utm_source=redirectunknown

Foundation of Nightmares: https://www.choiceofgames.com/user-contributed/foundation-of-nightmares/#utm_medium=web&utm_source=ourgames

Also, here is my Facebook page, where I post about my literary career and my journey towards becoming a Chess Master: www.facebook.com/samuelharrisonyoung

Finally, here is the DEMO LINK:

Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/play/mastersamuel/the-magicians-task/mygame/index.php?cb=231124.4k

If you like this WIP, make sure to “like” it so others will try it out, too!

Also, here are the links to all the polls, which I will post in comments on the thread:

Favorite ROs: The Magician's Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

Favorite non-ROs: The Magician's Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

Which type of mage are you? The Magician's Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

Which jobs did you choose? The Magician's Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

Did you use Zaleth’s powers to wreck Killian in Chapter 3? The Magician’s Burden (WIP) [Chapters 1-6 / 8, 170k words]

DEMO WORD COUNT:

Chapter One: 18k
Chapter Two: 41k
Chapter Three: 14k
Chapter Four: 29k
Chapter Five: 33k
Chapter Six: 31k
Chapter Seven: ?
Chapter Eight: ?

Total: 170k


The Magician's Task (WIP) [Chapters 1-3, 74k words] (CLOSED FOR NEW THREAD)
Which medieval WIP is your favorite?
#2

you need to ask them to close the other one or they will close this one and count it as spam.


#4

Which type of magic did you choose?

  • Light
  • Stealth
  • Destruction

0 voters


#5

Which jobs did you choose?

  • Scribe with Rigel and Madame Matilda
  • Guard with Mabelin
  • Farmer with Keano and Mathers
  • Thief with Violet and Saza

0 voters


#6

Well thought out 1st post. Only thing you may wish to add is a developer notes/update notes link or section.


#7

Who’s ready for more than just flirting with the ROs in Chapter 4? :kissing_closed_eyes::kissing_heart::relaxed:


#8

Ok, so I just finished playing the updated version of the WiP. It’s pretty good so far, I only did one playthrough and I’m glad I was able to beat Killian! Anyways, there were just a few things that I noticed that might need to be fixed;

Screenshot_2017-09-04-12-27-53-1

Over here it’s just a simple spelling error. You wrote possibl when it should be possible :slightly_smiling_face:

Screenshot_2017-09-04-12-30-35-1

Over here you used the word “you’re” twice when really you needed it once. I think it would look better if you wrote it “You suppose you’re lucky” instead of “You’re suppose you’re lucky”.

Screenshot_2017-09-04-12-36-09-1

Over here I think it would just read better if you wrote “As soon as you get out of the bathroom”. Those are just my opinions, though :slightly_smiling_face:.


#9

@violethikari
Thanks, I’m glad you liked the new chapter! I’ll fix those typos tonight.


#10

OMG!!! That PLOT TWIST at the end! It burns a hole through my chest!:cry: Now I feel like I really hate Zaleth…I used to have no problem with him, but now I do…
But is it possible that Percy doesn’t get slapped at the end, or no, cause that really hurts me on the inside, especially since I have THREE younger siblings as well…:pensive:


#11

@kristina_nre
I’m glad that my characters are making you feel strong emotions. :slight_smile: If you use Zaleth’s powers to defeat Killian, that will always happen. (It overrides your choice). If not, you’ll be able to choose how to react to Percy without the demon interfering.


#12

Damn, that’s all I can say. I mean, I chose the option to use Zaleth’s power, just to see what @Kristina_NRE was talking about. I… I just don’t know how to feel about this… I mean, I honestly thought Zaleth would have taken control long ago, basically as soon as I was done using his powers, that’s what I thought would happen. When he didn’t, I actually started to lower my defenses, thinking that @Kristina_NRE was mistaken or just hit a glitch or something along those lines. I am just in utter shock at what really happened! I don’t hate Zaleth, and I still think Killian deserved what he got, but I am NEVER using Zaleth’s powers again, only because I don’t want to hurt Percy!


#13

@VioletHikari

You two are so sweet! Yeah, Zaleth waits patiently for the WORST time and then pounces when you least expect it.

The consequence for the second time you use his powers after Chapter 6 will be even worse.


#14

What happened if we use Zaleth’s powers all the time. Will the MC becomes a demon or Zaleth took over our body?


#15

@Samuel_H_Young
Completely random question,:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: but could you add the ability to save your game in this story, because there are times, where I want to test out a certain option, and see what it will do, without having to start the entire story over again if I don’t like how it goes, you know?:confused:


#16

@MrSnuffles

Zaleth actually doesn’t want to take over your body, because although this would be much better for him in general, it would also be risky. If he possessed you fully, a wizard or demon Hunter could discover and banish him. Since he’s just hijacking you, no one can find or banish him (except maybe Melithar the wizard.) The downside for him is that he has little to no control of you.

@Kristina_NRE
Yeah, I definitely plan on adding one eventually.


#17

@MrSnuffles
Also, nothing will happen to your body, but if you use his powers too much, it will end up destroying all your relationships and make everyone view you as a monster because of all the terrible stuff Zaleth makes you do when he’s in control.


#18

Good :slight_smile:

Me will take over the world.


#19

@MrSnuffles
Be my guest! I want to provide so many options that your MC can be whoever you want them to be.


#20

what if I want “upgrade” or put the general store in a better condition and make it the place to go if the people what something.

My Capitalist senses are tingling!!


#21

@Logan3000x
That’s a good suggestion. I’d like a stat check for that. What stat do you think would apply for that, if any?