The Magician's Burden [231k words]

high-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
young-adult-fiction

#62

There will be several more chances to use Zaleth’s powers in the sequel to TMT, but in this installment, there will only be two. Did you use the demon’s magic to defeat Killian in Chapter 3? If you have a nuanced reason for your decision, feel free to let me know!

  • No, I didn’t use Zaleth’s powers
  • Yes, I used the demon’s magic

0 voters


#63

Since I decided to make TMT into a series, I’ve been mulling around potential names for the sequel. The one that’s been popping up constantly in my head is The Magician’s Secret. This references Zaleth living inside you unnoticed by others for twenty years. As the story progresses, though, the demon will start to be discovered by more and more characters, including Melithar the wizard and other, higher ranking demons. Any thoughts?


#64

Might I suggest a different name…
The Magician’s Enigma? Since the main plot will revolve around the mysterious Zaleth who’s unnoticed by everyone…


#65

Very nice! That’s a good suggestion. I liked Secret but I was trying to think of a different but similar word and for some reason, enigma never came to mind.


#66

I played through twice, the first time I didn’t use Z’s powers, because I could do it myself.

The second time… ooohhh boy, I let him let loose. :laughing:


#67

@FutbolDude21586
Aww yeah. Damn, I should have made both of those options selectable to account for multiple playthroughs, haha.

EDIT:
So, Chapter 4 is currently at 21k and I anticipate it being around 25k when it’s finished. That means that I should be finishing it up in the next few days. I think you all will really like this one. It’s one of my favorite chapters that I’ve written so far and it’s where you can start romancing the ROs for real.


#68

Leto (as mentioned before) used their own physical strength rather than use Zaleth’s powers two vital reasons:

  1. Leto doesn’t consider Zaleth’s powers their own and they weren’t looking to use borrowed powers to settle things with Killian. If the demon did come and aid them in the fight, Leto wouldn’t really feel like they handled the situation; they’d feel like they relied on someone else to settle the matter for them. Once Killian threatened their family, the matter got extremely personal and they weren’t about to rely on someone else to handle a situation that they felt was one they needed to settle by themselves once and for all. Even if a close friend of theirs like Keano, Mabelin, or Rigel had been the one ready to step forward to help, Leto would’ve told them to stand back; in that moment, they were VERY determined to handle Killian on their own.

  2. Even if Leto didn’t have the strength to hold their own in a fight against Killian, they would then prefer to give a verbal beat-down solely for the fact that they don’t trust Zaleth in any way to ask for his powers. They’re always have conflicting views with the little monster hanging out in their head for who-knows-what-reason and Zaleth makes it pretty clear that he isn’t fond of Leto’s quiet, altruistic nature, clearly reacting either disrespectfully or mockingly toward the young Light Mage. So even if Leto was more inclined to ask for help with handling Killian, Zaleth would be the LAST person they’d go to for that matter.

Also, Leto is the child of a former guardsman (and is a guard themselves); it just felt really natural (and kind of cool) to imagine that at that moment in the fight, Leto showed Killian the same amount of protective ferocity that their Father did when Killian came to harass Leto at the General store (though I kind of picture the Father’s ferocity to be more like a bear’s where Leto’s ferocity is much more akin to a black panther’s). The Father and Leto certainly don’t always see eye-to-eye due to Leto not really keen on their old man’s jealous attitude toward their magic (and also due to them both having relatively different temperaments). But when all is said and done, Leto does love their father and was quick to tell Killian ‘their father was twice the man he would ever be, no matter his faults’. So far, I see Leto’s relationship with their Father being a occasional headbutt due to opposing views but, more often than not, the two are the type who would sit silently with one another with very little words and genuinely enjoy the moment due to having a strong bond at the end of the day.

…I know the MC is in their 20s, but I can’t help picturing if they have a job with the RO and they came to meet them at their house (and weren’t Mabelin), that the Father would take one long, hard look at them, close the door behind him and stand his full height before the RO and be like “Any particular reason you came for my daughter/son/child :angry:”. I’m pretty sure it won’t happen (MC seems past the age when parents worry about what type of relationship the person they have yet to meet before has with their child), but it’s a little amusing to imagine how the current ROs would handle the situation when confronted with a slightly protective father. :laughing:


#69

Very nice post as always! It’s great to see you taking the choices and character interactions so seriously. :slight_smile:

You’re right that your father probably would have done that a few years ago, haha.

EDIT:

By the way, if anyone is wondering why the plot in TMT and The Magician’s Enigma might seem a bit slower, that’s because, for the most part, it is. There will be some crazy plot twists, really exciting moments, and so on, but in general, I consider this series to be a romance story. So instead of being primarily plot-driven, it’s driven more by the romance aspects and character development. Which apparently you all seem to like, anyways, but just thought I’d throw that in there. :slight_smile:


#70

Wtf…all of my polls got erased. :triumph::triumph::triumph:


#71

:thinking: must be a problem with Discord…all the polls on forum are frozen/deleted/whatever


#72

Ok, so I chose “yes” on the poll because eventually I did use his powers, though the first few times I played this game I chose not to. The only reasons why I still choose to use his powers is because I am trying to gain enough willpower to fight him off when he goes to slap my brother. So far I am only able to gain 11 points for the willpower…

Oh, one thing I noticed was that in the farm scene, when Keano and the MC are chopping the fire wood. When Keano takes his shirt off, I decided to have my MC do the same thing (just to see what would happen). Anyways, Keano seems to be the only person that reacted to the fact that the MC is shirtless. No one else seemed to react at all. I find it kind of odd, especially since there is no text stating whether the MC put their shirt back on or not. I recommend either making it clear that the MC put their shirt back on, or just have everyone else actually react to the shirtless MC.If you decide to have everyone react to the shirtless MC, then I recommend that you put into account the MC’s gender when writing the scene.


#73

12 Willpower is attainable, but very hard to get. If it turns out it’s too I could lower it to 10.

Ah, yes. I meant to have you put your shirt back on but I must have forgotten. I’ll add that in tomorrow.


#74

12 willpower is normal I got 14 on my first try btw being able to reset the demon was a good choice to add I’ll enjoy making it angry>;)


#75

MAJOR UPDATE:

Chapter 4 is now on the demo! This chapter amounted to 29k words, which brings the total word count to over 103k. At this point, TMT is over halfway done! Feedback, bug spotting, typo spotting, and comments are much appreciated.


#76

Screenshot_2017-10-01-17-59-42-1 Over here the word should be knock not not.

Screenshot_2017-10-01-18-13-15-1 Over here should be talk not take.

Screenshot_2017-10-01-18-42-25-1 Over here I think you forgot to add the word arm…


#77

@violethikari
Thanks! I’ll fix those when I get home.


#78

I’m still kind of feeling the need for some more neutral options–when asked to leave my home for the night, I would’ve liked to be able to just agree peaceably–a “time to myself” alongside the “time away from you” would’ve been nice, and when dealing with Percy it felt like the MC needs to be actively angry if they haven’t forgiven Percy, instead of more cold options.

And I get that Violet is coming into her romance route pretty flirty and physical, but I felt like of off about the first kiss being that type of barter. You can avoid it by choosing that you don’t want to kiss her, but the language implies that you aren’t interested in her romance. You can choose to sit out, but (well, for one there’s an error where at the end of the ritual the text still reads the same as if you had helped out) but you take some stat penalties that I don’t want. Or you can just agree, but only take the option you get when you don’t have high enough rel to actually get the kiss, which doesn’t really solve the issue. I’d like an option along the lines of “you don’t have to bribe me to help you,” or for an “I’d rather wait for a better moment” option come time for the kiss


#79

@homingpidgeon
Good points! I can add some extra options for those choices.


#80
Typos

“What a weakling!” he says, grinning in a self-satisified way like he just gave the sickest insult ever made.

satisfied

The sound of turning pages and shuffling chairs occassionally breaks the silence, but for the most part, the library is as quiet as you could hope for.

occasionally

You learn more about your local history, the geography surrounding the Kindgom of Githrad, some useful but tricky loopholes in local tax codes, and even a few facts about magical creatures.

kingdom

You leave your seat and make your way through the various shelves, hidding all five of the needles in between the pages of random books, though you make sure they’re all at the front of the shelves, so people are more likely to check them out.

hiding

You open your moth to protest be she just laughs and cuts you off. “Actually, don’t tell me. I guess you wouldn’t tell me the truth if you were stalking me!”

mouth

The cave is much like you would expect it to be; the air is cold and damp, the darkness clings to every surface, and you only see an occassional spider skitter away from your candle light.

occasional

As you delve deeper into the cave, however, you begin to see scattered animal bones littering the surface, and the occassional Infernal symbol written on the walls.

occasional I know it’s a bit annoying but it is a typo :stuck_out_tongue:

You step inside to the familiar sight of shelves all around, stacked with merchendise.

merchandise

She has dark brown skin and her hair is styled in a large, impressive mohawk. She glances over at you, and says, “It’s good of you to finally arive, Sven. Were you too busy getting your beauty sleep to arrive on time?”

arrive

The vice-captain leads you to the armory, which is locked behind a larged metal door. She unhooks a large set of keys from her belt and unlocks the door, pulling it open with a grunt. Inside, there are a plethora of weapons ranging from staffs, swords, clubs, and bows and arrows.

large

He grins evily and saunters over to you, looking pointedly at your uniform and saying, “Well, look who it is. You’re a guard, now, huh?”

evilly

She laughs and says, “Sure they are, but they’d get him about a night in jail, if that. Those idiots are so gullible.”

for

Your head is still throbbing from the blow Killian delt you earlier, and this whole confrontation took a big emotional strain on you.

dealt

Um soo after kissing Maeblin at sparring arena/chess tourney if we go to the other and kiss her again I don’t think she should act surprised as it has already happened and instead IMO she should think like “Take it easy hotshot” or something…


#81

Good suggestion! I’ll add that in there for both the chess and sparring scenes just in case players kissed her at both parts.

Thanks a lot for all the typo-spotting. I’ll fix those shortly.