The Magician's Burden [231k words]

nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
high-fantasy
young-adult-fiction

#42

Found another little typo. When you confront your brother about stealing chocolates bars, you say:

“It’s the most obvious thing I’ve ever see.”

Seen :blush:

… Also I love that when voting for their favorite characters, more than half the voters chose the cat. :yum:


#43

Not with that attitude!


#44

@avery_moore
Thanks, I’ll fix that later today.

I know right?! Mowbow is on the top of the list :joy_cat::joy_cat::joy_cat: I was surprised but I guess I shouldn’t be because…cats.

@drdolphinrider
Hahaha, true.


#45

Now I’m beginning to think that Keano may have had ulterior motives for taking off his shirt while he and Leto were both doing farm work. :laughing:

I don’t know why, but this line makes me laugh more than I probably should after reading the ones before it. :laughing:

I have to say that the confrontation scene was a really great moment. Like, I made a character (Leto) who has a great deal of calm dignity to them, to the point that they would rarely stoop as low as to even care enough to go down to Killian’s level. But the moment that Killian turned a threat to their little brother, all gloves came off at that point. You can try to beat them down, but nothing the bully would ever do would honestly make even a crack in their fortitude; it’s why they were able to keep calm and diplomatic with Killian even when confronted with his stupidity. But the moment the bully even insinuated possibly harming a family member (and their little 9-year-old brother no less), it was like ‘time to knock Killian down a peg and make him realize that he should’ve known he was REALLY lucky in the past that Leto had been patient enough not to start a fight with him’ and went with the slug-to-the-face option. No one threatens Leto’s family and should expect to get out of the situation unscathed; they may be a Light Mage but, much like their Father, they can very much hold their own in a physical fight when provoked (strength comes naturally when you do work on the farms and as a guard after all).

And even more empowering than finally knocking some sense in that bully? The fact that Leto not only had the strength to beat the guy at his own game, but was also a Light Mage. There was something empowering about being able to finally have Leto stand up for themselves and yet, when they finally had Killian at their complete mercy, having them choose to heal him rather than go any further. Even Killian seemed far from unaffected by the Light Mage’s actions; it must have been quite mystifying to receive a (completely justified) thrashing from the person he has spent a good while tormenting, yet also have them heal him despite the grief he’s put them through. I don’t know how deeply affected Killian is about Leto’s choices in the confrontation or if the impact of the confrontation will stick firmly with him, but the fact he didn’t even attempt to put up a fight when the guards came to arrest him seems to speak a great deal of volumes. I hope in some ways, the experience humbles him a bit and makes Killian reflect on how his behavior was being seen by others (in short, understand how much of a arrogant halfwit he was coming off as).

Though I wonder how the others will feel about Leto now after seeing that display? On one hand, maybe some will feel a good deal of respect for the young Light Mage like Mabelin, seeing their actions as a mark of great maturity and compassion. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone became a little more scared of them, possibly thinking ‘this a person who can beat me up, heal me, and then proceed to beat me up all over again’.

Also, what is Percy’s deal with having to take something all the time? Granted, he’ll probably make a good thief in the nearby future if he keeps practicing this skill, but Stealing chocolate from the store your own parents run? Trying to take money from your older sibling after they had a exhausting experience not too long ago? Why sneak them off his family rather than ask for them? This kid’s sticky fingers is going to land him in deeper trouble than he’ll possible be able to handle if he ever ends up targeting someone outside the family.


#46

Thanks for the awesome post! Glad you’re liking the story so far.

Wow, it feels great to have you respond to that whole confrontation with so much nuance and involvement! As an author, that’s what I love to see. I thought that his little threat against Percy would add some extra incentive to confront/fight Killian, and it looks like it worked, at least for some people.

I also think it’s awesome that you’re a light mage that’s strong enough to beat up a brute like Killian. I think that highlights one of the most important things I want to do with TMT: allow the MC to be and do whatever they want. In most stories, I doubt they would let someone with healing magic also be physically gifted.

I don’t think that most of the people who will be able to pass the Strength check will have the magic to heal Killian, but I’m glad I included it because (as you said) it’s a powerful symbol to heal your enemy like that. Then again, beating someone, then healing them, and then beating them again is quite devious! I didn’t even think of that, you monster. :smiley:

Unfortunately, there’s not much of a rhyme or reason for Percy’s kleptomania, aside from the excuse that he grew up slightly poor. He’s just addicted to it, and although there are some things you can do throughout the story to try to help him confront his issue, there are also some catalysts that will make his problem even worse. (Trauma, for example.)

And yes, this whole big fight will definitely affect Killian in the future, though depending on what choices you made, the effects might be profound or minor. (Having Zaleth help you destroy him or kicking his ass yourself will make him much more respectful towards you and humble than confronting him verbally would.)


#47

I can say this as someone who has been both in the position of older sibling and younger sibling (due to being a middle child): even thinking about bullying a younger sibling is a one way ticket to triggering most older siblings.

Paladins; knights that often are known for having some form of healing spells. Rangers tend to also have some form of healing ability in their arsenal themselves, sometimes in the form of spells and other times because they know the nature around them enough to know what will help with certain aliments and wounds :grinning:.

Though to be fair in regards to why branching skills is not as refined in some stories, the coding must get a little complicated the more branching choices that a Choice of Games Author offers a player (though it honestly makes me appreciate the story and the author’s efforts even more when such a good range of skills for a situation and tone for a character are available).

It was certainly a very satisfy moment for me (as you probably noticed for the probably too long post I made before) :sweat_smile:. Most people would likely never associate someone with Light Magic being able to hold their own in a physical fight; they’d probably expect that a little more from a mage who has Destruction magic. I can already imagine some of the other characters jaws dropping once they’ve heard that the normally calm, diplomatic Light Mage Leto, beat the crap out of Killian.

…Although on a more silly note, the scene kind of reminded me of this moment in Tom and Jerry, when Tom reads in a book that a ‘cornered mouse NEVER fights back’ only to be proven wrong (or when Tom hits the little gray mouse and sent Jerry into a murderous rampage). :laughing:

After reading many fantasy stories and playing a good deal of RPGs (because I’ve had a love for fantasy and mythology ever since I was a kid), I have come to a simple conclusion after a while. Magic (at its core) is no different than a sword; whether it causes harm or good depends on its wielder. I’ve seen characters who have had powers that most people often abuse for their own benefit, and yet, they only ever used them to help other. And I have also seen powers that are normally used to aid those around them being abused in surprising ways (in a way, it made them more scary than people with ‘bad’ skills. So it wouldn’t surprise me to see a particularly sadistic healer doing such actions or for someone who is naturally fearful of magic to think the worst of the Magician’s powers, no matter what type it is.

Though how common magic is each story’s world would also play a role on how wary people would be of the person who has a talent in magic. I mean, if it’s relatively common skill and one that people have a good understanding of (whether they be magicians or not), people would probably not be as bothered by someone who harnesses that power. But if it was a relatively rare skill and one that very few have a honest understanding of, I wouldn’t surprise me to see people being fearful or even hateful around anyone with magic talent.

Guess he’s too thick-headed for words to get through. No wonder we needed to give him a beat-down; it’s so that we can soften his head a bit to actually get the brain to work.

What about those two idiot, Petre and Verim? Will the news about Killian’s defeat catch their ears and make them MUCH less inclined on bothering the MC again? They don’t seem to have much of a spine the moment that someone retaliates to their harassment and they were pretty quick about abandoning Killian on two occasions in the demo so far when crap hit the fan.


#48

Magicians are somewhat rare, but not unheard of, and they’re still a sizable part of society. They account for roughly 1% of the population.

Yeah, Petre and Verim won’t even try to mess with you, now. The only reason they ever were able to in the first place is because Killian was always there and they were just always riding his coattails.


#49

why the hell I am not being praised as a king in our village?I Can raise havoc and destroy villages Dammit!!

Summary

I know you said that you will divide the game in 2 because of the competition, I want to ask what will the second part consist of?


#50

Haha. Although magician’s are well-regarded and still quite amazing to people, they aren’t very powerful magically, and there are also magical items that non-magicians can use to sort of even the odds.

Here’s a summary of the first installment, TMT:

Chapter One: Explore the village and interact with characters
Chapter Two: Go to your various jobs and interact with characters
Chapter Three: Confront Killian and interact with characters
Chapter Four: Explore the village again and interact with characters
Chapter Five: Go to your various jobs again and interact with characters
Chapter Six: A lone minor demon appears, and you and some other villagers defeat her without any casualties. Later that night, the village has a big party to celebrate.
Chapter Seven: In the middle of the night, a small horde of demons attack.

I haven’t outlined the sequel, which is yet to be named, in as much detail, but I can give you a short summary:

After the demon attack, there will be funerals for the characters that died. After a period of mourning, you will begin training with the powerful wizard, Melithar the Eccentric, in order to travel to the kingdom of Githrad and help them fight against an impending demon war. You will have several months to train with him (along with Violet, Mabelin, Keano, and Rigel) and the areas you can train in are: warcraft, agriculture, geography, economics, nature, history, speed, melee, long ranged weapons, stealth, and magic.

All of that training will be spread out over at least three chapters. After your training, you and your group will travel to Githrad, trying to recruit a werewolf and fairy (a new RO) to help you in your quest along the way. When you are close to the kingdom, however, an extremely powerful witch, Baga, intercepts you and you all fight a vicious battle.

After defeating Baga, you and your group finally get to Githrad. There, you will meet several new characters, including King Gellert and three more ROs: Izzy the royal adviser, Kidas the knight, and Jude the servant. Once at the kingdom, you will have one year to help them prepare for the looming demon war. You will be able to do things like help their army grow stronger, help grow more and better crops, try to gain as much aid from local villages and surrounding kingdoms as you can, and help barter for weapons and supplies from neighboring kingdoms and nations.

For most of the time, Melithar is away on separate business on the other side of the world, trying to deal with a powerful demon that would be planning to be the general of the demon army. However, he tells you that he will arrive a week before the demons break into Lume, to help you fight the army.

Finally, there will be a giant battle between Githrad and the demon army, which will last several chapters. It will include an initial skirmish, a night raid, and a final battle. Afterwards, there will be some conclusions and different endings, as well as detailed prologues.

TMT will probably be 200k long and its sequel will be at least 300k long. Keep in mind, though, all of this is just in the planning stage, so it could be subject to change along the way.


#51

I have a couple questions, will anyone else find out about Zaleth in the game? Will the demons that attack know that Zaleth is hijacking MC? Aside from that, I’m excited to see this game play out~


#52

Thanks! Currently, the only human I have planned to find out about Zaleth is Melithar the wizard. Demons of higher rank, though, will be able to sniff out Zaleth and discover him hiding in you. I have at least one event in both TMT and the sequel where a higher ranking demon will find him. And, as you can imagine, that won’t be good for Zaleth.

EDIT:

So far today I’ve written 1.5k words. Chapter Four is at over 17k right now, and I’m estimating it will take another couple thousand at least for it to be finished. I’m feeling some inspiration coming on, though, so I’m gonna try to finish this chapter and post it within the next couple hours.


#53

b-but…sigh…well at least it will be doing something cool

awww…I was only doing something funny and good for me :grin:


#54

I posted this in another thread, but I thought you all might find it interesting:


#55

Im interested in how the izzy romance would work. How much of a effect will her disability have on the story if at all?


#56

@crosdice
The things that come to mind immediately are that she wouldn’t leave the castle very often and she wouldn’t be able to have sex, though she could still obviously do other sexual stuff.


#57

I mean she can do it…nothing fancy and with many cares and nothing forceful…but she still can get it

MeMe

and what if I want my own child? Do I have to go to the neighbor’s wife?..(° ͜ʖ°)


#58

@Logan3000x
No and no. Having children won’t be a part of this story.


#59

I know I just meant what would the MC in your story do if he ended with Izzy.(after the story) you know what I mean? or am I rambling too much?


#60

@Logan3000x
I suppose not have any kids or adopt.


#61

Ehh i care more about the emotional aspect of relationships i consider the sexual aspect a bonus albeit a very good one. Then again I’ve never been in a sexual relationship (I’m 14) but i can imagine its pretty good