The Loop (WiP) (beta-ish)


#1

The Loop is a small game (only a bit more than 15k words) in which you wake up in a dark room with a mirror and three doors. Your goal is to escape from wherever it is you are.

That shouldn’t be too difficult, right?

The game is now more or less finished, but there might still be some continuity errors that quicktest and randomtest didn’t catch.
Also, English is not my native language, so I might have made some mistakes in the grammar and spelling.
Oh, and did I mention that I don’t have a clue what to do with this game from this point onward?
Suggestions on that are also very much appreciated.

And now, without further ado…
The link:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/h554xaphkr1oa6o/The_Loop.html?dl=0


The WIP Graveyard
#2

It doesn’t feel like it has much of a story, it’s more of just a game with words in it. Personally i think adding some sort of memories or a sense of the characters past might help. Don’t worry though i have a similar problem, i’d make it more of a book than a game but you’ve got to even it out. You’ve done a great job with the coding though which probably took quite a while. The writing is quite fine, maybe a bit of a fluency problem at the start which can easily be fixed. So personally I think you just need to add more of a story.


#3

@Eternalfire Yeah, that’s a bit of a problem with the whole waking up without a memory and without some evil mastermind pulling the strings behind that thing ):
And what is that fluency thing at the start you are referring to? A bit more specific information about that could make it easier to track down.

Edit:
Oh, and thank you for replying. I wasn’t convinced anyone would bother to do so because of the aforementioned reasons. As for the game, do you think adding a countdown timer, booby-traps or some random monster trying to eat you help? OK, probably not the last one. Too much rewriting.


#4

Like @Eternalfire said, what it needs is some indication of a story either through flashbacks or memories as you progress through the loop. Right now, I’m finding myself read through the first few pages before I’m just clicking randomly in the hopes that I succeed.

The concept of the game is good and id like to see some improvements too. I presume there is a pattern to discover and follow, but with a lack of drive story wise, I’m not finding myself as a player willing to read through it all and find these patterns.

Other than that, the only gripe I have is the fluency and flow. Instead of indenting every sentence, which works in some cases, I believe traditional paragraphing would work better.

Keep it up though; I will be keeping an eye out on this one!


#5

To add onto @BlazedStorm about fluency something else you could fix is not using the same words quite so often. For example:

“You wake up in an unfamiliar room.
It is cold… and pitch black…
You groggily stumble to your feet and try to make sense of the situation.”

If you start a sentence with you once try not use “you” to start another for quite some whil. so instead you can write:

“You wake up in an unfamiliar room.
It is cold… and pitch black…
As you groggily stumble to your feet your mind tries to make sense of the situation.”

or something similar to that.

As for the memories, i do realize that in the story every so often you’re reflection starts to define itself a little more. Maybe at that time you can have a memory spike which includes some game play outside of the loop. Otherwise it get really repetitive, and adding that would give chance for a difference every so often.

Also adding a monster or a trap would also help with the repetitiveness. While on the other hand i personally don’t favor a countdown timer, it isn’t going to change much.


#6