The Lonely Shore [WIP] (136k words) (updated May 22)

@JBento Oh genuinely tysm!! Both for your kind words and your feedback; it helps a ton and I really appreciate it. I’m glad you’re having fun c:

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i like the story so far! im curious to see where this would go. i wanna know what exactly happened with willow, and whats the matter with the small town. i wanna ask tho, is it intentional to add to the “strangeness” that mc wasn’t asked for any kind of payment and ID at the hospital? maybe this is just me being boring adult lol but an overnight stay at ER, and then breakfast, while mc woke up without even a phone or wallet…i would be thinking about how i would pay for these. or at least asked about some kind of id so they can find mc later and ask for the owed money.

also the “phone” scene, i think there are too many stuff happening, from the emergency alert from the dead phone to the voicemail, but mc just focused on the voicemail. i think the fact that the phone just suddenly come to life is strange too…and what about the alert?


imo this scene is a bit confusing…is the mc sitting down on the bench or approaching the man?

overall good story so far! i want to find willow!

Yes! It is intentional. However, the hospital intro definitely needs a bit of tightening up. I’ll probably add the MC wondering why they haven’t been asked for those things; because you’re totally right!!

When it comes to the voicemail and the diner, I can go back and try to make things clearer. I can see how there’s a lot going on with both.

Thank you for the feedback!! It helps a lot. And I’m glad you enjoyed it. I can’t wait for Willow to come back, too :blush:

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If it’s something you want to add to the weirdness, then yeah, you DEFINITELY need to add the MC wondering about it, because as someone in a country with socialised healthcare, it never occurred to me that I had to pay anything at all whatsoever for a non-optional treatment, and a life-saving one at that. XD

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Absolutely. Especially because I know when I’m at the hospital (as someone in the US) the cost is basically all I think about lol. I’ve also had someone mention the lack of breakfast being offered in the morning, which was another big oversight on my end.

After the next update (which is. 80% done) I’m doing a big bugfix/typo check/consistency sweep of the prologue and all of chapter one, which will hopefully help smooth out the whole scene!

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Worst case scenario, they’d send you a bill afterwards for the days spent in the hospital.

About the ID thing, since you were brought in unconscious, I’d imagine they checked if you had one on you already, so asking about it would be pointless. But maybe that’s just me.

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I mean, you were brought half-dead to a hospital in your soaked pajamas. I presume “this person has literally nothing on them” was the universal verdict.

There needs to be more mysteryish/supernaturalish games like this. I like the whole sixth sense option. Not many games have just very good instincts as one of the possible character traits.

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Thank you!! And yeah, I’m really enamored with the idea of kind of a ‘sixth sense’ stat like you said. I think it’s fun to have a main character who is very in-tune with the supernatural one way or another! So I thought it’d be fun to include.

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I haven’t been active on this thread but I wanted to tell you this is one of my favorite WIPs. The story is great so far and the moment with the voicemail freaked me right the heck out! That doesn’t happen a lot!

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Oh!! Thank you so much, this made my day c:

And I’m thrilled the voicemail scene freaked you out!! (I always sound evil when I say that lmao). Horror is my favorite genre and so evoking that is one of my greatest goals <3

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I want to preface by saying I didn’t try your game “just” for the LI’s and that I’m not saying I dislike them. I’m just saying this because I know how big of a deal LI’s are in HG/CoG, so like, I’m using that as a benchmark.

This is the only horror/horror like game I’ve played here that a. actually really freaked me out (in a good way, obv!), b. had a plot more interesting to me than the characters and romances were, both initially and throughout the game, and c. I didn’t “figure out” pretty quickly, like I’ve been uncertain or surprised with every page and that’s a great feeling! So if you have absolutely succeeded in writing a great, interesting, and creepy story!

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Genuinely thank you so much!! I’ve been holding off on responding just because I’m super flattered and wanted to figure out what to say haha. But I’m so happy the mystery has kept you guessing and that you’ve been enjoying the story so much! Comments like yours fill me with so much enthusiasm to keep writing!!

I hope that as more and more gets written and published I’m able to keep your interest and to craft a really interesting story <3

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My MC is still in denial about supernatural lol even with my research at the library. I enjoyed the game. I’m just wondering when our reckless sibling is going to find the MC since some of this mess is their fault

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Literally MCs who are in denial are some of my favorite to write; I really love the skeptic path. Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed! Willow’s future return is one of the scenes I’m most excited to write…though it’s bound to be a complex one, at the same time! Lots of variation in emotion there, haha.

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Yep its funny. There has to be reason for this that doesn’t involve fictional creatures or powers right lol. Willow is literally a force of nature so of course their path is chaotic since it who they are. It just mostly depends on MCs terms with them for the different paths

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me making an MC with 53% weirdness and 100% skepticism:
kronk-oh-yeah-its-all-coming-together-1692191416

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