I really enjoyed this so far!
I really enjoyed shame that all your family dye tho
I was able to pick up minor mistakes along the way; (note that English is not my first language though):
- You listened to your tutor drown on—I assume you meant drone.
- I agree with Striga’s grammatical corrections.
- Advanced to Master spells is a bit off. Maybe try proficient to advanced?
- Made trouble—caused trouble.
- Marriage age—marrying age.
- You don’t seem to make use of commas when they’re necessary sometimes. (Examples I found: so far none of the… / although now that you… / the guard didn’t move instead he…)
- Maybe remove “personally” since you already said “I’ll go.”
- I became a King despite choosing Female.
- Responsibility of the whole kingdom’s and its people’s safety*
Suggestions:
- Add option to be like mother or father, for both genders. (A boy/girl, with personality like either mother/father.)
- Maybe don’t give a hair colour at all if we would not be allowed to pick. (But I’d really love to be able to pick! Any story that allows a lot of personalisation is always a delight.
)
I enjoyed the story so far, can’t wait for the whole thing. Good luck! It would also be very interesting if you were to create relationships with % of how close you are to the person, etc. in the stats. But only if it will be necessary, of course. I think it’ll be helpful when it comes to things like knowing where certain characters’ loyalty lies, romantic relationships, and such.
1 Like
Thanks for the help!
On another note, updated the game to fix grammar and mistakes on gender parts + some other stuff.
Might not be perfect fixes, so still looking for any other mistakes I missed.
Great concept so far! I think most of the suggestions I had everyone here already has made, definitely would like a little more fleshing out, but I’m sure you’re working on that!
One small thing: Regarding choosing our own name. I don’t know if this actually will manifest as an issue later since it does seem to work in game so far. I’ll check again later to see if I missed any name inputs, but if I check the “Show Stat” screen after I choose my own name, it shows up as blank after “Name:”, even though the game has recognised my input.
Good luck!
Played the demo and I must said that I am really looking forward to see more of it 
@Argentdragon @Collin_Hall
Thanks guys! I fixed the error you found Argent, thanks for finding that for me!
Update!
Fixed and redid a lot of things. Finished Chapter 1 in the process! Sorry about this taking so long as I was a bit busy!
Only did a quick play of it so I might have missed some errors.
Taking suggestions for titles and do you guys want to name your weapons, let me name them or leave it as it is?
4 Likes
I’d say give suggestions for the names of the weapons but also give the option to name the weapons yourself. Best of both worlds.
3 Likes
About the weapon naming I’m down for either but if you go for just naming them yourself I would give some more backstory behind the weapons since the way there talk about is like there a legendary weapon.
“Pig gives the ability of heat vision”
I died.
Jackie chan adventures?
1 Like
“Onnnee more thing” great show
2 Likes
I can do uncle’s accent so well, people I know think if I was him.
Ahaha. I didn’t think much people would catch that, but yes I borrowed some ideas from Jackie Chan Adventures. Honestly…Pig is such a weird animal without any good “qualities” I can use in a power. Since it IS part of a Zodiac wheel, I didn’t want to leave it out since I might…might be able to use it.
3 Likes
I play the demo and i think it have good premise
Please don’t necro threads after 6 years of inactivity; @moderators this should be closed, yeh?
2 Likes
Thanks for letting us know.
1 Like