The Knights Apprentice


#1

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/108032991/Da%20web/mygame/index.html

This is my new game…Not many choices but updates will come soon so Enjoy!!!


#2

I can’t tell too much so far, but the idea of being a knight seems fun. I’m interested for more. :smiley:


#3

I found several grammatical errors, just mentioning in case you haven’t noticed them yet.


#4

Love the game so far… Can’t wait for the choices to take effect on what happens to you, as opposed to affecting the aesthetics and stats.


#5

In case anyone was wondering, Its updated, And Ill have my coder get on this ASAP


#6

Looks nice enough. Some spelling stuff, maybe some readability. I’ll get on pin-pointing some when I have time. In the middle of my exams now.
Did I see correctly that you have two threads for this? Which one is the main?


#7

When choosing the name Justin, you get the error,
line 76 invalid expression, couldn’t extract another token; #Alyssa


#8

This is the main thread for sure, And ill get my coder looking at all the problems


#9

I saw some errors with capitals like, “By god, Father is goin to be Extremely Angry at you!”

Looks awesome. Can’t wait for the next update! :slight_smile:


#10

This has a lot of potential on it, I must keep a eye on it for later


#11

Cool


#12

Hmm. First page.

“Last night I had been having one of my Sleeping problems and decided to go outside to read. Taking a torch with me I settled near our farms scarecrow, But I forgot the scarecrow would be flammable and the torch caught the scarecrow on fire… Luckily it didn’t torch our crops!”

Why not start us at last night instead? Describe the problems sleeping, let us choose what we want to do and defeat that foul monster of a scarecrow. Scarecrows are creepy, especially Wurzel Gummidge. They deserve to die.

Quick kill it with fire! http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4605588973751356&pid=15.1

You use “by the way” twice on the same page. Also the asking the gender could be done more elegantly.

I’m glad there’s names I can pick from. Sora and Jason seem odd though. I think there’s a tv tropes page with a mishmash of names like that.

Scarecrows are expensive? Aren’t they just old clothes stuffed with straw or other junk, in a vaguely humanoid shape? What sort of farmers are they that they’re buying new stuff for a scarecrow. Unless it’s a magical scarecrow or some sort of tradition thing, with spells on it to ward off birds properly. And can’t we just try and make one?

That said I like your writing style, I like your story and I’m looking forward to reading more. It’s well written and more importantly fun, and there’s plenty of choices included. Great job!


#13

Well @FairyGodfeather It is expensive to farmers that hardly make enough money to feed themselves, And since they dont grow hay, They have to buy it, Since thats kinda the main ingredient in a scarecrow…Also Since this is medevil times and long before mass construction, Clothes are valuable! No matter how torn and shredded they are.


#14

Torches wouldn’t have been used, either. They’re inefficient light emitters, smelly, somewhat costly, and would probably just induce night blindness.

Lanterns were the things used.


#15

No it’s not. Scarecrows are made of waste products. You can stuff a scarecrow with anything. You use old, worn out clothing, upon a stick frame. Fill it with grass, with dry leaves, with old rags, with the fur you brushed off your dog, don’t fill it at all, it doesn’t matter. Scarecrows are cheap.

Send the protagonist to town to get some rags to build the Scarecrow. Maybe they’ve heard of someone in need of money so the family’s doing it as an act of charity. Maybe all Scarecrows need to be blessed or magicked. Maybe some rich person gives away rags for free. You can come up with some better reasons than you currently have.

@Drazen Maybe not a torch, but I think that someone young and stupid enough may go out, realise the moonlight isn’t bright enough to read, and so decide to light a fire so they can read better. Just a little fire. It’s the sort of stupid thing kids do.


#16

@FairyGodfeather Perhaps, perhaps indeed.


#17

@Drazen
Considering I once put my hand on fire to see if it would burn, yes, kids do stupid stuff.


#18

Last night I had Been having one of my sleeping problems an decided to Go outside and practice with the wooden sword you had crafted. Throwing caution to the wind I attacked the scarecrow, pretending It to be a fierce enemy in the midst of a battle.

U used I and you. That was a little confusing. Same mistake with the other choice


#19

Also by sleeping problems do you mean insomnia, or nightmares or something else?


#20

Ether, There will be a choice latter where you get to decide what