The Judgement of Tarkar [WIP Updated 1/4/2019: Poll #51]

gender-choice
high-fantasy

#41

Would rather have these things not affect stats. Would rather choose what color my eyes are without it effecting my social behavior and manners.


#42

Personality is not affected, just statistics. Its not like its going to screw your game play.

Its a bonus. Since normally it would be just the choice and thats it.

:fox_face: i suppose.

In any case
Its an interesting away to dinamically distribute the stats. It may actually be a bit of a pain to make now that i think about it?
Intersting nonetheless.


#43

Yeah, I could understand why. :thinking:

Right now I have it set so it’s impossible to raise wonder in the prologue, since it’s connected to the hardest endings to reach, as well as to show how “low” you are in society.

Yeah, in some cases having lower stats could improve your game play. There will be times – and endings – where you’ll want certain stats to be low to get a better result.

I think I’ll leave the poll up until tomorrow and figure out what to do based on the result then. Thanks everyone who’s voted so far. :relaxed:


#44

So there is an ending i wont be able to get unles i have low knowledge?

:fox_face:
Just to make things clear.


#45

Sort of. I haven’t decided on the stat numbers for the endings yet, and this is very generalized, but if you don’t mind spoilers for possible endings:

If you want the Teacher ending, you’d need 50 - 100 knowledge, but if you’re trying for the Alchemist ending, you’ll go for 0 - 49 knowledge.

Or if you want the Farmer ending, you’ll go for 0 - 49 vitality, but if you want the Hunter ending you’ll go for 50 - 100 vitality.

Your personality also plays a role in your ending – so if you become a hunter, but your sensitivity and/or caution are too high, you’ll get the “bad” hunter ending.

Your traits – such as Ruler or Social – are another factor into which ending you’ll get, although for that it’s mainly which one is the highest.


#46

Thanks to everyone who has commented or liked! :santa: Here’s the update for today:

Fixed typos/grammar/spelling/continuity up to month 2, week 2. Thanks again to @LikeGames for pointing out the typo!

Added eye/hair color customization. A big thanks to everyone who voted, and to @Hearts and @No_This_Is_Patrick who commented about what they wanted! I decided that the initial decision will have no stats connected to it – but, depending on your hair or eye color choice, there may be a bonus increase to the clothes you wear. If Plotina comments about your eyes or hair when you choose an outfit, you’ll get the bonus stat (so if the outfit would originally give you +10 Knowledge, now it’ll give you +15).

Added a scene to month 2, week 2. You now have to tell Harja what you found out… or you could lie.

Altered a scene in month 2, week 2. I added more relationship boosts during the questioning depending on your outfit.

Added scenes for month 2, week 3. Harja isn’t very good at spying…

Added first job event for farmer and innkeeper. It should occur during the second month. You’ll need to have chosen to work as a farmhand or a inn server for a few weeks, but try them out! If you go the farmer route you’ll having to start dealing with noble squabbling, and if you go the inn route you might be able to get a kiss and a ring from a thief.

Added Anselm’s General Store and five new clothes. These are a bit more expensive, though.

If you have any thoughts on the new update, or anything else in the game, please let me know! :santa:


#47

I don’t have words to describe that how great is your work. Your writing is awesome bro and the way you go from one scene to next one, is great and I also loved the way you described the options, it makes it very easy to choose that on which path you wanna go ahead.


#48

Thank you! I’m glad you like the movement between scenes and the options. Comments like these encourage me to write even faster. :blush:


#49

What an interesting plot line and a captivating demo so far! I’m a big fan of Greek/Norse Mythology myself so I was immediately interested when I read the bio. What inspired you to start a mythological story like this if I may ask?


#50

Thank you! :hugs: I’m a big fan of mythologies myself. I’ve always loved how the stories explore human nature through humanity’s interactions with the gods and through the actions of the gods themselves. And since this type of story is archetypal, I figured a mythological story like this would be more dynamic if the reader got to choose and explore their own humanity along the way.

I also love time limits in games, so this was just the sort of story where I could make time an important factor to the plot.


#51

Thanks to everyone who has commented or liked! :hugs: This one’s a short update because of the holidays :christmas_tree: :

Fixed typos/grammar/spelling/continuity up to month 2, week 2.

Added the job event for the alchemist. It seems Silver wants to make an elixir… but what kind is it? (All the job events are connected to the main plotlines in some way, so try them out!)

Added Silver’s Alchemy Shop. You can’t use any items yet, but hopefully by the next update I’ll have the inventory system to use the items finally in place!

Altered the checkpoint system. You can now view your stats from a previous checkpoint before you go back to it.

I also added more distinct lines for the option where you can lie about Harja falling in love with the person they’ve been following. Now everyone has a different reaction.

Finally, POLL QUESTION: Is there any other important information you’d like in the new Checkpoint system when you look back at previous months? Should I add a few lines detailing a few events or is it fine as is?

  • Just the stats is fine
  • Add a few lines detailing important plot points
  • Add something else (describe in comment)

0 voters

Edit: This was a more lopsided poll than last time, so I’ll close it now and be adding the plot point lines to the checkpoint system. Thanks to everyone who voted! If you have any other feedback, I’d love to hear it. :hugs:


#52

Just finished another playthrough, this time as a reluctant guide. Admittedly, it felt oddly thrilling playing a somewhat jerkish character (and always disagreeing with Harja, haha). Nobody really liked my poor MC, who, to be fair, is probably leading the city to its destruction by always pointing out the flaws of the city.

But boy did the thing with Ia surprise me. Sneaky, sneaky.

Say, how much trouble am I in, if my MC doesn’t stop frolicking between jobs/skills?

Oh, and is it possible to successfully get into the Palace district on our first attempt?

Grammar & The Like

I realize some of what I wrote down are likely stylish decisions, but decided to point them out regardless. In case they aren’t.

Yet now there is something that usually isn’t on the street, a glimmer of light that catches the corner of your eye.

you catch from the corner of your eye/ catches your eye

The guidance of this mortal upon your child troubles me. (This is said by either Goddes of Art or God of War.)

“The guidance of this mortal upon your child” Is it missing a verb? I think I know what you are trying to say (Essentialy the speaker is expressing doubt about MC’s guidance), but something just doesn’t sit well with me. Most likely the “upon” part.

Now before you is only a person, their hair red and their appearance in age close to your own.

appearance close in age

Look upon her wonder! She is is not a hero or pious follower but just another citizen of Tarkar.

is

She looks up when a loud murmur rises up from the schoolhouse resting close by, as does others walking by or peering out from their grand homes. (First Ia Graveyard’s scene. I think)

This sentance is a troublesome one. First “rises up” - I always associate it with smoke or something rising higher/moving up, whereas “resting close by” makes me imagine a house curled up in the nearby grass. I guess I am used to the “A house, resting on the edge of the forest” and not to the “A house resting nearby”. The bold part … Could you consider revising it?

Example: She looks up when the loud murmuring from the schoolhouse starts rising in volume, catching the attention of those passing by and drawing the others from their grand homes.

Her eyes are solemn despite lacking the dark ash she wears for her work. (Ia, same scene)

Dark ash = sort of make-up? Just checking.

There are many schoolhouses like this across the city, but those living in this district wished one for their own nearby.

either “wished for one of their own” or “wished one of their own”

“Citizens of Tarkar, hear these words as decreed by the potentate on this day, the fourteenth day of the first month. The southern gate, which was the hardest hit during the summer storm that occurred three years ago, shall be closed for one month in order to restore it to its former glory. It shall be plastered and painted anew, and all will see that nothing shall bring down the walls or people of Tarkar. Thus decrees the potentate, leader and protector of the city!” declares the town crier Soteris Leander.

Dressed in flowing silks that match the colors of the square, hair adorned with flowers that surely came from the gardens that line the roads to where she now stands, Soteris takes a breath as she spots you and Prosper among the crowd. She comes over to you with a growing smile, putting away the small bell as it noisily rings. “Hello, Aelia. Your friend is new to the city, isn’t he? I believe Nestor mentioned someone with red hair. Are you just visiting or are you a new citizen of Tarkar?”

hit the hardest
Declares (?)

The jump from one paragraph to another was rather abrupt. Perhaps Harja could comment on the decree with Soteris cutting in? Maybe?

“What will you be doing the city for a year?” asks Soteris with a curious glance.

doing in the

While they’re busy discussing a war that Nautius had in during his youth, you make a breakfast of roasted turnips and sit down at the table. (Harja and the neighbour are talking in the morning)

fought in

You are heading home on your usual route, the busy street from last week now free of crowds or wagons.

by?

“You better get started because daylight’s going fast.” (farmer on my way home after work)

the daylight’s going out fast?

The smell of baking drifts through the house and through the open window, making the neighborhood’s street dog begin sniffing around your doorstep. As they take more wheat into their hands it falls from their fingers as flour, and not before long they have dough for the next loaf to be put into the oven.

As Harja takes … – for clarity

There are other hunters nearby, some carrying the result of their hunt along their shoulders and others taking water from the nearby well to clean the blood off their hands. There are tens upon tens of knives between them all, and twice as many arrows, the bows unique in their colors and markings.

over/on
Tens upon tens of knifes are resting in-between/between them all

Her cloak sliding off her even as her perpetual frown remains, she has brought back game and word from the mountains to the north, as well as hunted in the valleys to the south.

Maybe consider changing this one? The different tenses confused me.

“He uses that family recipe of his if you want some spice to it.” (the huntress is speaking)

used

The alchemist, Silver, told me that it was because she was once an alchemist’s assistant herself, working with diligence and purpose, that she found herself becoming an alchemist despte not ever planning to become one.

despite

“You’re going to start acting like Soteris or Aquila now that you’re hanging out with the nobility and are dear potentate and judge,” says Raine before giving you a side-eyed glance.

either “that are” or “and our”

“Look, Aelia was right when She said they’re taking money from me as well as my tenants.” (Second month, Raine came for the rent)

she

“Why would you want to know, anyway?” asks Raine, returning to the gray sky with a sigh.

turning

The conversation is agreeable enough, although you yourself don’t find agreeing with Manahen all the time. The conversation is agreeable enough, although you yourself don’t find agreeing with Manahen all the time.

Sentence repetition

Other Stuff

I chose the 7th month for my birthday and was told that I was born in the beginning of autumn. Is this on purpose (since July is as middle summer month as it can be:sun_with_face:)? How many months are in a year in your story?

Okay, so I was playing as a Rude and Reluctant Guide (always!), yet Harja told me “for it has done well for me thus”. I was kind of surprised they A) found me helpful, B) decided to seek my guidance in the future despite my attitude.

Here are some examples that felt a bit jarring (continuity wise)

“Do not speak so lightly of the gods! Neither she nor any of her priests or priestesses would deign to consider taking the city from Orihark, however righteous Ilatsal is,” says Nestor before turning away. “Be sure to visit the temple, Aelia and Prosper.”

I just angered the guy by accusing his goddes of plotting a takeover and he invites me to visit his temple in the next breath? Nerves of steel, man.

Juliana is refuting my statement about not being a failure of a follower.
“Do you think so little of the gods, and of me, that I would take upon myself a failed follower of another god?” wonders Prosper. “Of course, I did take you on as my guide, and you are only a peasant chosen by the whim of the hearth.”

At first I thought Harja was addressing Juliana (which obviously isn’t a case). Could you maybe insert MC’s name somewhere at the start of Harja’s comment?

“It would be easier to jump the Palace District’s fence.”; The woman with the handkerchief follows her friend down as the street, jug of water now in hand.

Prosper stares after them with a line between their brows. “When I visited the Market this week, every shop and stall was open to me. I could speak to the shopkeepers and observe the spices, dolls, linens, and all other sorts of mortal things that they were selling.”

Ladies talk about rent rising. It threw me a bit, when Harja, who obviously noticed them, suddenly starts speaking about shops, as if nothing happened. Usually they would be all like “Why nobody is doing anything?/Why is this happening?/Where is that House Council etc.”

“I’m not sure how many bags there could be left, cause for all I know a thief did steal a few and was just picky about what he chose, but I’ll give you each a coin for every bag you find. Oh, would you like to help, too? The more the merrier.” (When meeting the farmer on your way home.)

I thought he kept talking to me, when in fact the bolded part was meant for someone else. Could this be somehow changed?


#53

Thank you soooo much for pointing out all those typos/grammar stuff/continuity issues and what stood out to you story-wise. You have no idea how much that helped me. :sob::hugs:

Although sometimes good is not nice, so depending on your choices you could be saving the city by pointing out the flaws. :wink:

I’m not sure what you mean by frolicking between jobs. Can you give an example?

As for your third question: right now it’s not possible, but thanks for pointing that out – I think I’ll be changing the coding for that so there is a chance for you to get into the Palace if your stats are high enough.

Yep. Although most wouldn’t use just ash but combine it with minerals, oils, etc. similar to ancient Egyptian’s use of kohl, but since Ia’s a professional mourner she’s using just ash for the symbolic/ritual aspect.

There are twelve months – the year starts in spring (so the first month would be March) and ends in winter (the last month would be February).

Right now that’s connected to how you reacted during the first breakfast scene, but I don’t mind adding more variable checks so Harja’s opinion makes more sense.

I’ll fix the other typos/continuity issues as well. Thanks again! :hugs:


#54

Glad to be of help!

I knew I shouldn’t have used “frolicking”, no matter how pretty it sounds :yum:
What I wanted to say that my MC had a different job every week with no regards for the stats. Now, in some CoGs I would fail to succeed at certain points of the story, because I would not be focusing on specific stats. Does this also apply for your story?

I’m curious, why did you decide to start the year with the spring? Can’t wait to see the birthday scenes. Will we get to celebrate Harja’s day of birth too assuming they even have one?

Good to know! Say, if my character is severely disliked by other characters, are they in any danger of getting removed from the game by one of the said characters before the year is up?

Somehow I missed this. Awesome.


#55

I would say it’s a combination. :smile: Like when you investigate the Housing Council, you’ll need certain stats depending on who you talk to – but if you’re wearing their favorite outfit then they’ll give you the information no matter what. And even if you fail but give the correct name when lying to Harja, you’ll still be successful… you just won’t get the relationship or stat boost you might have normally received.

You may also want to purposely fail at certain points – so if you’re trying to get into the good graces of the those really involved in the Housing Council, you would want to lie/choose another name/etc. At the very least, if you do fail in getting the info and lie about getting it, you’ll then get the option to make someone believe that Harja’s in love with them.

There are cases where you’ll just need high stats (or even low stats!) to be successful, but there’s only one time where not focusing will come back to bite you: the ending. All the endings are connected to your stats, so if you’re trying to be a farmer but your vitality is low or you did too many jobs other than farmer there’s a high chance you won’t be a farmer. Of course, you may get an ending that’s even better! :relaxed:

Partly because the Roman calendar began in March and partly because the imagery of the city’s destruction/sparing being at the time of the year known for renewal and rebirth was too good to pass up.

I suppose Harja’s birthday would be when they made their mortal form and you gave them a name… but according to my notes, that would be the equivalent of February 29th… so it looks like they’re a leap-year baby. But you’ll definitely be able to celebrate their birthday. :partying_face:

No, but they might make your life miserable – gameplay wise, this might mean if you normally need 30 or over for a stat check, now you’d need 50 and over, etc. I may put an event in or two as well, but for now the only danger for you is Harja’s judgement at the end of the year.

Not everyone will make it to the end of the year, though – and it’s up to you to decide who does. :smiling_imp:


#56

Just a quick thing, but how exactly does the job “bar” work? it seems to fluctuate wildly with no regard for how well you did on your job on that day or how good you are at the job overall. Is this a bug, or am I missing something?

example

edit: nevermind, I see what I was missing. If anything, I might suggest adding a short blurb just because it’s somewhat unclear what the bar is communicating the first few times you’re presented with it.


#57

First paragraph end repeatd

:fox_face:


#58

Will do! Thanks for pointing that out. :relaxed: And just in case anyone else is wondering how the job bar works: it’s more or less a progress bar. Each time you work you gain a certain percentage, and once you reach 100 you gain/lose the stats noted beneath the bar. And if normally gaining that percentage would have made it gone over 100 if it hadn’t reset (so like if you’re at 80 but gain 30), that extra progress is carried over.

Thanks for pointing that out! I think I know what went wrong with the coding there… :sweat_smile:


#59

it’s not like my cranky!MC will go power crazy.
MC: Off with their head!

Progress bar for jobs is a neat idea! I’m in awe of your coding skills.

Oh yeah, I have a question & silly suggestion about names.

Question: How did you come up with names? Are they from a certain language?

Silly suggestion (mind you, it really is silly!): Instead of greying out MC’s name, it could be left as an option for people like me so we can try giving Harja MC’s name then watch them get angry about it.

Did I mention I like annoying my poor, er, ward?, guidee?, divine tourist?, whenever possible?


#60

Oh no, I’m not very good at coding (you can guess from my username which error I often get in randomtest!). Originally I was going to use decimals so you’d get +.2 Vitality or -.1 Knowledge directly, but I found that doesn’t really work well – at least when I attempted it. I actually based the progress bar on some of the money-coding tutorials on the forum. :yum:

For MC/Harja’s names, it’s a mix of Roman (Aelia, Dionysius), Greek (Dynamis, Aethalides), English (Vivian, Victor), and Puritan-Engish (Patience, Prosper). I chose those names in particular for a few reasons – so that the feminine/masculine names would be similar, so that from the start there would be a feeling the city was “ancient” like Athens or Rome because of names like “Dionysius”, to suggest the idea of morality/the spiritual with the Purtian-based names like “Patience”, and finally to make the city more modern with English names like “Vivian”.

Also, more practically, by having names from vastly different time periods, I’m free to use names for the other characters from the classical era to now without worrying too much about how it fits – and it lets the player do the same if they decide to input a name in.

The gods’ names are constructed-language based, which is why there’s a connection between Orihark and Harja.

I’ll add it! :joy: