Crap, now I feel like scrapping my whole start up scene. It could be worth it, but it’s just soooo much work. shitshitshitshitshithshitshitshitshit. Alright I’ll have to see where this goes and how I can make it work without scrapping the entirety of the first chapter and then some.
You don’t have to scrap what you’ve written, but I think that the start could present your lore in a more interesting, active way!
I’ve read through your story a couple times now, and I had an idea. What if, (and I now this is a stretch, bear with me) what if your intro started with a third person POV, with some grandma (actually a Fae) telling her grandson/granddaughter about how the world used to be. So your story actually becomes a retelling of the history of the fae. You can have her begin to speak, then have the grandchild ask lore related questions (about stuff kids wouldn’t understand by themselves) then as the grandma delves into her story, the POV switches to 1st person as you take on the role of the MC, who the grandmother’s story is about.
Then you wouldn’t have to scrap your whole intro, just tailor it to fit the new narrative.
You’re killing me, I’d love to write something like that, but it requires a concrete future in which we always end up, as I see the story now there are going to be at least two major story paths that take you to completely different futures. Maybe if I made the starting sequence really vague it could work. I’m just not quite sure how it would happen.
I mean, as long as neither of your endings require the total extinction of the fae, then the story could still be told. If you’re ambiguous enough, then you could make it fit any narrative.
(But if it does… well then you’re in a pickle )
Idk, just a thought
It’s a great thought, and I think I have an idea about a story structure derived from it.
It’ll need a little work though. If I get in to the flow of writing you might expect a little update in a few hours, if not, then I don’t know, how’s everybody’s schedule for 2022?
Alright, quick new start drafted. Go see how you like it and tell me if it’s better or worse than the first one.
Much, much better. There’s an air of playfulness to it, a sense of wonderment. Instead of before where it was just like, “Bam! Crap ton of info now read!”, now it makes sense. It overall just flows better. Great work @OscarKane!
Thanks! I’m mostly happy with it, but I feel like the way it transfers into the rest of the story after you choose your gender feels a bit jaunted.
Edit: Added just three words and I feel it made it a bit better.
It’s a tad abrupt, but it is still a vast improvement. The minor “flow” tweaks can always be done later. Again, great job!
This should be so simple…
I could write a scene where you make a god your bitch
I could write you raising an army to tear down heaven and hell
I could easily write the rise and fall of civilizations
but I’ve been working two months on one scene in a kitchen
Ummm… congratulation ?
I’m not sure you read that very carefully, because this is most certainly not a celebration. Anybody can write the big things, it’s the small stuff that’s a struggle, and I’m struggling
At least you haven’t abandoned it, one scene in two months still better than nothing
it’s also not far from nothing
There’s nothing wrong with being stuck on the little things. One moment might mean nothing to the overall narrative, but it shows this prosaic little scene’s potential importance that it became such a struggle. There’s something you’re trying to convey in that scene, and that’s a-ok. As long as it isn’t some clown using mustard to glue bologna to the ceiling, it doesn’t matter if nothing big, or important is going on.
As odd as this sounds, learning how to rest is something some people struggle with sometimes. It’s something like, “You’re already powerful. It’s okay to take a moment to let it all sink in. To breathe.”
That’s strangely specific…
Are you ok?
Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a movie trope, really.