The Guard's Duty (WiP, demo) (Last update 04/12/18)

low-fantasy
gender-choice

#41

Well, perhaps in one of the endings, why not


#42

He puts his knife down and gives you a welcoming smile. “Ah yes, a good one, my friend.” . How can I help you?"

Forgot to put a " before How

To be more specific, it calls people of Ruby and Amber - the common folk has to suffice with priests who are zealous enough to preach in the gutter

have

They stop the hurling and turn to you. A couple of seconds passes before one of them, a girl, answers. “We’re just trying to get some food, sir guard. Lenny…”

pass

Ah the kids it was kinda sad to see them doing that for food, it seemed like the girl was in charge and lenny was her sibling or loyal-est friend

edit- the tavern meaning where we find Aron right?


#43

Really interesting WiP, loving the unique premise and strong dialogue! Although some people might not be a fan of walls of texts, I think its generally well written. Well done!

One point to note though, not sure about your customs/world but generally, ranks are capitalised as a sign of respect. I.e. Lieutenant, Sergeant

Also picked out a bunch of typos, will dm you in a bit!


#44

No, the tavern is an alternate scene for the kids, after leaving the barracks


#45

Thanks for your comment, appreciate it! (and for pmming too, again)


#46

Also, I would like to talk about this project’s future.

First and foremost, when I get to a PC with a working keyboard (around Mid-Late August), I will correct those loads of grammar mistakes.

Then I plan to slowly, but steadily write the Cathedral scene (an alternative for kids/tavern), the Gate scene and the Axle scene (where you will see how your haste affects it’s outcome), thus finishing Ch1 for a lone guard

Thanks for all the support I’ve been getting and simply for trying my demo out!


#47

I really look foward to what you create in your world and i am glad to be along for the ride.

You story is good.


#48

Thanks. Glad to have you onboard too


#49

Yes! Ive beens stalking this thread but didnt want to necro it. So glad theres an update


#50

Cheers! Thanks for staying tuned


#51

So, I’ve reached a proper keyboard. Finally. This means I have corrected the grammar (or most of it) - if you find more, feel welcome to share with me.

Also, this means I can make an announcement: there is now a small contest for you, the readers! I have added the “key-phrases” to the each ending of the tavern scene (but not the aftermath, because it would be too many options) and I dare you to find them all (your key-phrase can be checked on the last screen).

Cheers!


#52

Interesting background, can’t wait to see how it turns out!


#53

Thank you! Sure hope it will be no less interesting!


#55

Hey there, appreciate the feedback.

Nada, Aron, Bruce and/or Oswald will get more attention in subsequent chapters. As for Hodviga and - they will be in the spotlight of the first chapters for unpromoted guard/recruit (also, a little spoiler, Jerome will play a bigger role there than in the first chapter for solo guard)


#56

how old are we if we choose to be veterans?


#57

wow this is interesting i just started but im already hooked, ill look at for mistakes to help you out if thats okay.


#58

Well, for any role your mc is anywhere from mid-twenties to early forties - the question is when did they enlist (for example, a recruit may have been a civilian for a long time before deciding to join the Guard)

That would be great, thank you!


#59

Hello again!

Two things I’d like to talk about.

First: I’m working on the Cathedral, the Gates and the Old Church, but uni eats my time quite a bit, so you can expect an update around January-February.

Second: there’s still no contestants to my “ending competition”, so you can easily be the grand champion!

Thanks for checking in! If there are any thoughts/opinions you would like to share, do it - this helps me immeasurably.


#60

Keywords:

The person of duty

Been there, seen nothing

Been there, seen almost nothing

The Witness

Your service will be remembered.

The Silver Blade

The Commander

The Silver Bullet

Demolitions in progress

The Sheaky

The Bloodbath

The Executioner

The Provoker

The Last Resort

Long-talker

A helping hand

The Fugitive

The Valour

The better part of Valour

A better target

The Conduit

The Negotiator

Made of Iron

The Poisoned Tongue


#61

Wow. That’s all of them. If it was done by fair play, I salute you