The Grim and I by Thom Baylay - Released 27th Sept 2018

gender-choice

#85

Memeing in the middle of the night.

In all seriousness, though, @ThomB are you allowed to use the names of celebrities?


#86

HR was able to use them in a similiar way.


#87

Can you please add some stock name options? Every time I run up against those blank name entry fields the story stops for about 10 minutes while my mind reels.


#88

God damn it, Thom. I‘m doing a trickster run with a sexy reaper in underwear, focusing on pranking everyone, which is hilarious, BUT SOMEHOW YOU STILL MADE ME CRY AT THE SÉANCE.

…I‘m a bad tester. I can‘t stop feeling all the feels even when I tell myself to ignore them. Speaking of testing, I‘ve got a bunch of notes on typos and stuff but I won‘t get to a computer to write them out until late tomorrow.


#89

Dear All,

Thank you so much for everything you have done to help this project to be the best it can be. The Grim and I is very special to me and so to see all of your comments and your willingness to explore this subject together has been very moving. :blush:

I have now submitted the full game to Hosted Games and taken the Beta version offline. The first couple of chapters are still available to check out so if you didn’t get a chance to play the full game, please do give them a read :grin:

The nature of submissions to HG means that it is never too late for me to update small errors so if you still have some beta comments that you never got around to sending please do. Obviously at this point big structural changes won’t be possible (or necessary, I hope!) but any typos or small errors, please do send my way! :slight_smile:

Once again, thank you so much everyone and have a great week.

T x


#90

Big wall of text ahead: the last of my open beta findings.

Prologue
  • It makes sense really.
    (It would better reflect the weightiness of the situation if there was that essential comma there.)
    –> It makes sense, really.
Chapter 1
  • You take a step forward and look down at the papers, reaching out a hand that you know will not be able to do as you desire. You let it rest upon the paper and look down at your beloved
    (The hand sounds oddly separate from the rest of you.)
    –> …reaching out your hand even though you know it will not be able to do as you desire.
Chapter 2
  • The sound of Kylie’s voice addressing you so casually, makes your jaw drop.
    (Contrary to the usual problem, here there are more commas than needed.)
    –> The sound of [celebrity reaper’s name] voice addressing you so casually makes your jaw drop.

  • from those perfect eyes right down that perfect body
    (typo)
    –> …from those perfect eyes right down to that perfect body

  • Not to sound crude, but more as one might admire a statue or a painting, your breath was taken by every inch of him.
    (confusing sentence)
    –> Not to sound crude, but as one might admire a statue or a painting, your breath was taken away by every inch of [his/her] body.

Chapter 3
  • You hear a hiss in back of its throat as it flashes you its tiny white teeth.
    (typo)
    –> You hear a hiss in the back of its throat

  • The point is that whether he killed you or not; whether it was for love or for money or for something to do on a Saturday, it doesn’t matter.
    (confusing sentence)
    –> The point is that whether he killed you or not - whether it was for love or for money or for something to do on a Saturday - it doesn’t matter.

  • “I thought it would be funnny.”
    (typo)
    –> “I thought it would be funny.”

  • It’s like religion, except that you can see definitively that the object of your worship both exists and is not as you’ve elevated them to be.
    (Not as what? High?)
    –> …not as godlike as you’ve elevated them to be.

  • “Well then, I’m very sorry to tell you that everything in this room is being destroyed tomorrow?”
    (typo)
    –> “Well then, I’m very sorry to tell you that everything in this room is being destroyed tomorrow.”

Chapter 4
  • Then it raises its tail into the air and stretches its front legs with a yawn. Then it leaps nimbly down to the desk and sits directly in front of you, its front paw extending in offering.
    (Repetition of the word “then.”)
    –> I dunno. You fix it.

  • “Wait, ‘yes, it’s worked before’ or ‘yes, you can answer the question?’”
    (typo)
    –> “Wait, ‘yes, it’s worked before’ or ‘yes, you can answer the question’?”

  • He is on the phone and you can tell from the way he’s gesticulating that she isn’t happy.
    (inconsistent gender)
    –> [He/she] is on the phone, and you can tell from the way [he/she]'s gesticulating that [he/she] isn’t happy.

Chapter 5
  • “If you don’t answer is it because you don’t want to or because you don’t want to fail my test?”
    (commas)
    –> “If you don’t answer, is it because you don’t want to, or because you don’t want to fail my test?”

  • With a defiantly proud blush you struggle to maintain eye-contact with the only other person on the planet who might be able to get your blood pumping that way; and who has just been given a slideshow of your entire love life.
    “So I’m guessing that you don’t feel things like love,” you say as her questions seem to be coming to an end.
    (Odd transition, especially as reaper clearly wasn’t asking anything anymore. Might want to add a bit more in between these two paragraphs - perhaps about the need to quickly change the topic. At the very least:)
    –> …you say as [his/her] questions seem to have come to an end.

  • She’s remarkably flexible her cheeks are flushed with the exertion of the exercise. What will be your response?
    (Typo, plus it seems strange to assume that doing yoga mandates a response.)
    –> [He/She]'s remarkably flexible. [His/Her] cheeks are flushed with the exertion of the exercise. What will be your reaction?

  • Ignore her. I’m too focused on Lover.
    (This is one of the choices for the previous. I think it’s a bug.)
    –> Ignore [him/her]. I’m too focused on [name of lover].

  • “I understand but your life is over. …”
    (Again, solemnity of the utterance is hurt by the lack of a comma.)
    –> “I understand, but your life is over. …”

Chapter 6
  • “You know if there’s anything I can do to help…”
    (comma)
    –> “You know, if there’s anything I can do to help…”

  • “This one’s nice,” he comments, gesturing to a photo of you,
    shaking hands with the Mayor of your hometown.
    (There is a double line break between these two lines.)
    –> Just remove the line breaks.

  • Your own body drifts up and through the stairs automatically and it occurs to you that if you were to try to say, stick out a foot, you could get Ferrick to trip up and possibly alert Toa to his mischief.
    (commas)
    –> Your own body drifts up and through the stairs automatically, and it occurs to you that if you were to try to, say, stick out a foot, you could get [name of sibling] to trip up and possibly alert [name of lover] to [his/her] mischief.

  • You follow your love, drifting down his body and soaking in every inch of all that you love about him.
    (confusing sentence)
    –> You follow your love, drifting your gaze down [his/her] body

  • His body has always been his temple and to find him returned from a run is not surprising.
    How would you describe her physique?
    (inconsistent gender)
    –> How would you describe [his/her] physique?

  • She scrabbles quickly to her feet, half-crouching behind the desk, eyes darting about for a sign of the scream’s origin.
    (I know “scrabble” is a synonym for “scramble” when it’s about seizing an object, but when it is about getting back on one’s feet, they are not synonymous. At least not officially.)
    –> She scrambles quickly to her feet

  • Focusing hard on not passing through you begin to feel a warmth from his presence.
    (comma)
    –> Focusing hard on not passing through, you begin to feel a warmth from [his/her] presence.

Chapter 7
  • We can speak telepathically if you’d prefer? comes her reply from inside your own head.
    (Urgh, this question mark. At least separate the pseudo-question with a comma.)
    –> We can speak telepathically, if you’d prefer? comes [his/her/its] reply from inside your own head.

  • “You’re probably right. Though I don’t think I’ll be asking you for it many times more,.”
    (typo)
    –> “You’re probably right. Though I don’t think I’ll be asking you for it many times more.”

  • he drops the stick at your feet again, ready for round three.
    (uncapitalized initial letter)
    –> [He/She/It] drops the stick at your feet again, ready for round three.

  • Just seeing them in the stone does something to slow your ragged breath; still your racing mind until your attention is finally drawn from the words as Grim steps in the way and says, Grim turns to speak directly to you.
    (Not sure what is going on here.)
    –> I dunno. You fix it.

Epilogue
  • “Why not? Are you chicken? Buck,buck,buck!”
    (punctuation)
    –> “Why not? Are you chicken? Buck-buck-buck!”

  • The small boy approaches the house like David to Goliath, only he is not armed with a sling, only the desire to run as fast as he can in the opposite direction. He reaches the door, now only an empty arch, half barred by fallen bricks.
    (The word “only” is repeated a lot.)
    –> Remove one repetition.

General feedback
  • Currently, a player who has chosen an asexual relationship to their lover still has the option to “go all the way” in the bedroom scene. I would disable this option for such a player, as there is no accompanying exposition to explain how they could suddenly do something so out-of-character.

  • In chapter 7, having identified fear as your leading vice, reaper takes you back to the grave and demands to know what you would do for the rest of eternity, were you to stay in the world of the living. The looping dialogue, whilst a good idea, is not executed convincingly. There is not enough depth in the loops to make it seem like you are actually arguing with the reaper. Instead, the overwhelming impression is one of being stuck reading a wall with a quote on it. What makes it worse is that afterwards, the player character reflects on the argument and concludes that they were thoroughly beaten by the reaper’s argumentation. This is immersion-breaking.

Having seen different sides of this game while testing it, I must say, I’m even more impressed by the level of thoughtful care and detail! It is not just the treatment of the topic, but also the masterful weave of different threads and choices that makes this game so profound. While Evertree Inn is artful in how well it is made, I would still categorize it as entertainment, whereas this game is art.


#91

Damn, I liked this! Very interesting to read and to see all the different aspects of death. I couldn’t resist however to putting FUCK DEATH as my quote on my gravestone :grin:


#92

Well if you pick the right choices you can do it…


#93

No you cant actually.


#94

You can get close enough so its pretty much the same thing


#95

Before I respond are when you mean fuck death are we talking about having sex with them.


#96

No i do not mean to have sex with death im aware of that, but we still Can make em like us
I ment it as a joke…Guess i took it kinda too far and confusing. Sorry


#97

This is SO SO SO SO Goood!


#98

What assets is this game missing? I see its status is “pending assets.” Who is making them? And why didn’t they start earlier? Sorry for probing, but I’m curious about the process and the business.


#99

Quoting from this thread

Copyedit: the game is being copyedited in full; that process can take about a month.
Pending release: we’re waiting to release the game
Pending assets: we’re waiting for the author to give us something we need to publish it
Pending Submission: we have the assets, but there are still internal production tasks to do before submitting.
Submitted to Apple: we’re waiting for Apple to approve it.
Pending external approval: we’re waiting for someone to do something

If you see the list of titles to be release this year, they have other titles to check with as well so we have to patience since CoG is a small company.


#100

That’s true, I just immediately expected it to be assets by a third party, such as images. I’ve experienced my fair share of waiting for art assets. Thanks anyway.


#101

It usually refers to images, promotional text and other documents that are needed for the full release of the game. I have submitted everything requested so am now waiting for confirmation while I assume they are being checked :slight_smile:


#102

Yes, we are a small company. There are something like 18 Hosted Games in production right now. That means there are enough Hosted Games to release one a week for four and half months. It’s a lot of games. It is a lot of work. It is a lot of work for one person on our team, who also has other job responsibilities.

It would behoove everyone to remember that releasing a working game on multiple platforms is not a fast process and it isn’t going to happen the same day a Hosted Game author sends in their art assets.


#103

Thank you for everything that you do!

Having worked with Hosted Games on my last project, I know the process can take a while but I always feel very respected as an author and kept well informed of all progress.

When updates occur for this title I will be sure to post them here. In the meantime, I shall be working hard on my other project, Sordwin :blush: :blush:

T x


#104

Minor typo:
The Grim Reaper in response to your silence, places
should be
The Grim Reaper, in response to your silence, places