This is amazing damn! Especially the relationship between the Reaper and MC, romantic or not, I feel like they would make a good duo, making me curios about the achievement about ‘you look like you’ve seen a ghost’ or somewhere along the lines. I wish it is the reaper since will be more emotional. Great work, I love it!
7 Likes
it’s amazing that i come to care about grim in 15 minutes 
i was so ready to cross to the other side but then i read about how mc’s death could be murder and like ‘CURIOUS’ im very sorry grim
shouldn’t ‘brother’ be ‘${sib_rel}’?
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Just played again and got the “I Love Your Kind” ending. THE FEELS! Are we not certain that we cannot romance our Reaper? I had a half-naked Zac Efron–and the comedy was spot-on–so I felt so warm and cuddly when I was able to escape the seance and he changed to his own person after grabbing his hand! Also, after playing again, I was suprised that we don’t have a love-vice option where we don’t have someone. I feel like that would be a major vice for many… Still interesting, however, to show the “perfect life” means nothing in the “afterlife.”
11 Likes
I did one playthrough with my hawk eyes for grammar and typographical errors, and I found only 11 things worth mentioning, so the text is in very good shape, I would say! Here is the list, ordered chronologically:
Chapter 1
- “Perhaps the reason you cannot remember dying, is because you don’t want to. I can’t imagine the experience was particularly pleasant.”
(I know the sentence has a nice rhythm the way it is written, but it is grammatically incorrect.)
–> Perhaps the reason you cannot remember dying is that you don’t want to.
Chapter 2
-
The Grim Reaper is sitting—no, the Grim Reaper is slouching in an armchair by the bookcase that decorates a quarter of the room with every worthy book you ever discovered.
(Using past simple sounds like I have suddenly accepted that my life is over.)
–> …every worthy book you have ever discovered. -
“Not exactly. You can’t do anything you want, but you definitely can’t do anything you don’t want.”
(Reaper takes what I say, “I can do anything I want,” and turns it negative without preserving the meaning. Perhaps this is intentional, but in case it is not, I am pointing it out.)
–> You can’t do whatever you want
Chapter 3
- She’s standing by the window, placing your sleeping spouse between you.
(Sounds like the reaper is moving my spouse.)
–> She’s standing by the window, which places your sleeping spouse between you.
Chapter 5
-
The shiel-maiden stands at her full height and says
(typo)
–> The shield-maiden -
For once you do not about back down and suddenly she is turning away.
(typo)
–> For once you do not back down -
“You can’t die when you’re dead,” he retorts. “But you can simulate the experience if you would like to.”
(Ever since I chose Brynhildr, the reaper has been referred to as a she - until now.)
–> she retorts -
White replies far more aggressively than necessary though perhaps no more than expected.
(confusing sentence)
–> [Name of reaper] replies far more aggressively than necessary, though perhaps not more than expected.
Chapter 8
- Candles have been placed on nearly every available surface around the outside and with the curtains drawn it is impossible to tell what time of day it is.
(confusing sentence)
–> Candles have been placed on nearly every available surface around a table, and with the curtains drawn it is impossible to tell what time of day it is.
Chapter 9
-
You have to wonder though, if it is having any impact as the other figure looks right through her and towards you.
(The sentence is missing an important comma.)
–> You have to wonder, though, if it is having any impact, as the other figure looks right through her and towards you. -
The Grim Reaper’s grip is loosening and she asks in no more than a whisper.
(typo)
–> The Grim Reaper’s grip is loosening and she asks in no more than a whisper,
In general, I would like to recommend paying more attention to punctuation, especially commas. I notice your preference is to avoid commas, but sometimes the sentences just get too long for comfort.
As for feedback on the story - I LOVE IT!!! Whenever I felt I had made my peace with the story ending, it just kept giving more. For the record, yes, I cried during the bedroom scene. It must have been tough to write, so thank you for that!
One thing that I felt strange about, though, is the transition from… uh, which chapter was it… early in the story, when Grim Reaper takes a guess at your reason for wanting to stay and warns you that you have to be absolutely committed to have any effect on the living world, to a chapter with an overview of all your vices. It felt strange that after having passionately implored to be given a chance to focus on one vice, I was met with a catalogue of my vices and a reaper who lectured me about the need to pick one, as if the reaper did not hear me the first time. Later in the game, as I received my achievements, I understood that the repetition of choice was by design, but at the time it was a little immersion-breaking.
Thanks again, Thom, for a great game. With your game-making sensibility and the topic of death, I knew immediately it was going to be good.
9 Likes
Could you please add, “My Curse - Killswitch Engage” to the list of songs options? It would heavily diversify them and it goes so well with the game.
3 Likes
How do you get the “I Love Your Kind” Ending?
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Just be kindto reaper and take every option to talk to reaper
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I think I did that…but took too long. I don’t really know.
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Really enjoyed this, Good work. Also found this song that goes extremely well with the theme and plot of the story, playing the game while listening to it just makes it so much more better.
Ghost - By Divide
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This game is fucking beautiful. I…I don’t know how else to put it.
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Really love this made me cry 
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To everyone who has helped so far (whether that’s with critiques, edits, error-spotting or just an enthusiastic compliment) thank you! I’m overwhelmed and feeling very emotional about the positive response this game has received so really, thank you!!! 
This is just to let you know that I will be submitting this story to HG this weekend and after that the full version will no longer be available online (until it gets released, obviously 
) If you have time between now and then, please do give it one more read through and let me know of any last lingering typos. There shouldn’t be many left now!
Thank you again and have a great rest of the week everyone!
T x
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Thank you for sharing it.
I’ll buy it when it as soon as it is available, no question about it. 
And a great week to you too. Ha, thought you’d get away, didn’t you? 
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Just wanted to let you know that the game is fantastic! I will definitely be picking it up once it makes it’s way to Hosted Games.
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Can you give a more precise deadline for further testing? I could take the time to do 1-2 more playthroughs with a focus on errors/typos, provided that my comments will make it to you before it‘s too late.
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Hi Sontra, I’ll be submitting the full game tomorrow but it is possible for me to update it after submission so it’s never too late for feedback so long as they don’t involve major structural changes. I’ll leave the full version up until Monday morning before I swap it out for the demo. Hope that’s enough time. You give amazing feedback!
T x
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Wow what a great read this was! I’m going to wait until it’s available for purchase before playing through again so I can have sort of a fresh start. I didn’t like the ending I got, but I deserved it. Dangit!
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Hint to everyone: make your reaper a cat and name him Salem. Heaps of fun!
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Memeing in the middle of the night.
In all seriousness, though, @ThomB are you allowed to use the names of celebrities?
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HR was able to use them in a similiar way.
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