The Gladiator’s Oath: Blood and Sacrifice. In it, you play as someone that got captured and sold into a familia of gladiators. You’ll be fighting inside the arena together and against potential romanceable individuals. With the primary goal to buy your freedom or maybe the freedom of your sibling, if you so choose.
The setting is inspired in rome and the colosseum(off course) but I’m trying to mix it with some low fantasy concepts.
Currently I only have the prologue done(16k words), but as I started to work on chapter 1 something popped into my mind. What if it’s all trash?
I’m spending a lot of time on this thing so I decided that getting feedback now is better then later, because spending many months writing just to find out it’s pure garbage would make me a little sad.
Nice! You’ve got a good style, very descriptive and well constructed. I personally am a sucker for being a protective big sibling as a motive, but you’ve also set up multiple goals (that I assume will complicate each other) and that’s great!
I did find this: “Arthur clings to me, his breath quick and panicked. You put a finger to your lips hoping he understands,” Your perspective shift needs to be fixed there, but I didn’t see that issue anywhere else. And the comma should be a period.
Just remember that you can’t rely on feedback alone to get you through. If you care about it, find ways to motivate yourself too!
I also always suggest making a specific list of the type of feedback you’re looking for. It helps readers think about specific things (esp on subsequent playthroughs) and will be more encouraging for people who may not be sure they have anything worthwhile to offer in the comments.
Overall a really good start! Great job and good luck!
Oh, I fixed it there, thanks!
And about the feedback, when writing I’m always thinking about avoiding too much text without choices, so it would be cool to be warned about that. And sometimes I feel conflicted on describing things too much, so you telling me that you liked the way it is right now is great!
Oh, and about the fantasy part. I’m still figuring it out if I should go with a lower or higher setting.
Yes! That was one of the first IF that I played, always bothered me that it never had a continuation(i think so?). That was one big inspiration to make me write this. Especially the sibling interaction. I’m hoping to not make it too similar tho.
It was made free on dashingdon because it used the code that cog has for its games and there were legal issues if i recall correctly that prevented them from publishing it. To my knowledge the continuation came about on a other site that im not apart of. Yet if this is inspired from that game then i am very curious so will be giving a read some time soon.
There are a few continuation and grammar errors, as well as with the tense, something Grammarly won’t fix. Id advise on fixing your narrative humour and scene descriptions, it seems to break the immersion vastly, especially since you’re embracing the Rome theme, you won’t expect sailors speaking in English accents, or slave children to be so witty in their remarks, etc.
All in all, needs some polish and refinement and some scene changes, otherwise very nice. I see what you drew inspiration from, Galdiator’s Choice is one of my favourite stories, especially with the conflicting death of MC/love interest ending.
Would you mind giving a bit more info about the ROs? That and the possible names usually helps me with picking a gender.
Also, I took a look at your code, to figure out what to pick for the RO gnders actually and saw there’s the opportunity to play as asexual. I’ll try that out once I’ve the time.
I know it’s a good bit more effort and code but a nonbinary option for the MC or RO/sibling would be nice.
I know it will be tricky with names though because Latin is a gendered language so if it’s a worldbuilding thing I can understand that.
It’ll be interesting to have another gladiator game.
Good luck with this.
Well, it took me some time to find some pictures similar with what I envisioned them. When I’m finished with chapter 1 I’ll edit the post and give a little description of them.
so will be giving a read some time soon.
I was just getting to it!
