The fight club (for adults only)


#1

I am working in a game that is for mature audiences only. If it were a movie i guess it would be R rated for this demo

The full game would be considered tripleX.

You play as a female fighter whose dreams are about to get crushed…

Its my first time making a game with choicescript, and bugs will happen.

It has around 10-15 minutes content of reading.

Its only at about 10 per cent made so far. But i would like you to give it a try so i can get some ideias and feedback.

The link is here. Http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/109869971/web/mygame/index.html

Thank you for playing.

For the moderatores, if in some way this post shouldnt be here please let me know.


#2

A couple of minor grammar errors in the game. It was pretty well written, but needs more background information. It will be a great game when you finish it.


#3

Wait… WTF??? This bitch has mind control powers? The hell did she come from? Planet X’yborg in the Galpunk Quadrant? Ok. HAX! I’M CALLING HAX!


#4

We could use a little more 18+ content here. But that’s me :slight_smile:
So I’ll just throw in my two devalued cents here (as I was also working on action-oriented piece the other day…)

The good:

* I haven’t found any bugs yet - or maybe missed a few already? Lol. Right now I’m just kinda skimming through. The narrative will be more interesting if you have a little more dialogues I think?

* I like the setting.
Prizefighting is a rather niche segment and definitely has its own ins and outs. Which in turn allows for rich storyline. Your action scenes have pretty good detail and variation!

What I would fix:

* Stat screen.
The descriptions are actually kind of fun to go over, if a little too verbose for my taste; however as a player I’d want to get a view as thoroughly as possible of how my character is currently doing in the least time possible, if that makes any sense?
The numerics-only with no colored bars is not a problem in itself, but I don’t think you’d want to tell the players that they “wouldn’t want it any other way” (as with the hair)… imagine the irony. I think the flexibility for character development is one of the most cherished mechanics in interactive novels. Let the player have a little fun.

* I wouldn’t use the splash with that trademark soap.
Two things - firstly, of course, copyright infringement kind of issue. Secondly, it suggests that it’s tied to Palahniuk’s work, although may be omissible if that’s actually what you intend to do. Thirdly if I may, even if it’s intended as a fan work, Fight Club isn’t exactly about prizefighting - actually it’s not even about prizefight at all, which is where your piece is already different. From what I see in the first couple of pages anyway. Eventually it’s not a bad thing, just that you might want to lose that soap artwork.

* I’m assuming you’re working on the content for the male option? Not that you should. It’s a rather “acceptable” standard to be able to play as either man or woman. But I guess you know that.
(Actually, you should do it. There is no way a game about prizefighting doesn’t has the male character option. :D)

Also, nitpicking: on the Game Options screen you may have the Save tab in the first row if the menu is called during in-game. If used as a main menu kind of thing I’d probably put it like Start New Game - Load - Delete.

Overall I think the game is enjoyable for sure, it only calls for polishing here and there. Good job and keep it up!


#5

Indeed the fight club logo needs to be changed as its probably misleading.

Your remarks and feedback are spot on.

I will try to have them fixed in the next version.

Although the male option will not be available :slight_smile: sorry.


#6

I don’t see why we should make 18+ stories; but that’s just me. I mean, wasn’t one goal of CoG to promote young readers?


#7

i don’t play all demo the nausea impede me ending i do it later i don’t have problems with mature my own game is mature too i even don’t have problem with porn i read some nearly erotic books.

My problem is the blunt crude SEXISM
i like a woman couldnt accept that my character would be used like a slut and has to be lesbian to hard teenager mind because im not a teen male im a woman and straight.

Cog has to be not sexist this is pure sexism i let the game in the star of intercourse in the hospital.

I recommend you a disclaimer this game is not for women or for whoever believe women are not sexual objects without soul.

I was hype before started reading finally a erotic game with some sensibility but i was terribly wrong its just another porn teen male objective game.


#8

Well, the game is about a strong woman in a world where they are often looked as the weaker sex. Depending on your choices and how you react, you might get back on your feet stronger than before or you might take the easy way out and give up your dream as a fighter, along with other ‘sexist’ bad endings :wink:

That been said the game is for 18+ only. It can contain things that you like, dislike or hate.

The game tries to be logical, actions have consequences. If you play your characther like a bimbo you will most likely enjoy being treated like one. If you play it like a badass you are going to enjoy it when you kick your already defeafed opponent on the floor.

In the end its just a game, and you can stop reading or restart and choose another path.

Also, its my first cyoa game i am making, and there will be always room to improve.

As usual any feedback or sugestions are most welcomed :slight_smile:


#9

I agree with @Marajade

It doesn’t appear to be a game about fighting. It seems to be a game in which you share your own personal kinks.

It’s not a game about a strong woman. It seems like it’s a game about your own sexual fantasies involving humiliating women that you perceive as strong.


#10

Its just another porn rape women game the only objective is make shame suffer in pain woman its worse than bondage because in that you could choose be part of that in a rape when you are restrain in a hospital is sick someone could excite with that.
I suffer a rape attempt and was the worse thing in my life the idea of a game idealized how wonderful rape is sick and nasty. Why you font try to do a positive image of women instead we all are lesbians who love being raped if you want help to do a real erotic no discrimination against women gay or whoever with a little sensibility against sexual crimes im here @Magma

If not i will do a campaign for game like yours never would be publish like Cog or hosted because your game do apology of discrimination and violence against women


#11

Aside from that, I must point out that CoG isadvertising itself as a promoter of reading, as you can see in the announcements. Not certain, but I don’t think that CoG would really increase its status by publishing games like these…

Of course, I have no say in this matter; Jason might see things differently…


#12

I didn’t even get that far on the story, @Marajade

@Wyrmspawn I think there was a discussion previously about what Choice of Games would and wouldn’t publish, but I can’t remember if any of those from Choice of Games stepped in. One of the mods did say that things would be limited by what the app store would accept, and there’s no way that this sort of game would be accepted.

Aha found the link http://www.choiceofgames.com/forum/discussion/comment/82188


#13

@Magma

I see the potential here, though I’m trying to figure out what you’re exactly going for, it can’t be realism since you’ve got mind controlling lesbians in the mix.

“Your sex is unshaven.”

While slightly amusing I’m just wondering how that is even an important stat? I mean I get that later when its shaved its supposed to be a sign of shame after Domina beats you, but even that doesn’t make much sense. I’d think that having to shave your actual head of hair would be more of a sign of shame than anything else.

I mean maybe if we were playing a porn star or a stripper that detail might be important, but I’m not seeing an importance for fighting unless the character grows teeth in her vagina and it’s necessary to have the hair out of the way to perform some sort of horrible fatality combo with it. (Though given that you’ve got mind control in it already, maybe you’re planning something like that.)


#14

At the first page, I thought that this would be a pretty good game. But as I went on this game is just really…kinky, I mean ‘shave you cunt?’, ‘Red lipstick’ and nails?, and then the player thinks of themselves as a slut? Some women like to do their nails, doesn’t mean they are slutty or ‘crave’ sex because they decided to put on red lipstick. Also, I understand your trying to make it that the protaginist is going to be undermimed because of them being a woman. But I felt that this went too far, as no way this would happen in a gym - Sure they would stare and maybe there would be that one asshole but not all men are rapey perverts who want women to slut up for them. So I guess the game is taking sexisim to both genders, which are extreme representations. Yes there are women who are slutty, and men who are creepy, but they’re a huge minority especially since we’re in the 21st century.

@MaraJade Yeah, Rape pretty much sucks, but in some countries the offender (If he is a man) is able to get away with it while the victim is punished for being ‘Slutty’ in a country where women have to wear Abias (Burkas)! So I guess poison is the only solution for now huh?


#15

My main problem with this is the mature label is bad explain if the author says Rape and discrimination about women lesbian and humanity in general its ok

But he present it like a Cog mature friendly with woman and that’s a totally lie the author even discriminate lesbians like sluts obsessed with rape and bondage . The shave and nail like sluts is like inside a 1950 women with make up strong personality = whtores. All this game its pure stereotipe about all.

i mean its My character but where its option to defining my own personality or rebel none.


#16

Where’s the rape? I must have missed it. At most, I’ve seen Domina messing with the MC’s mind to drown her in misery even more after her defeat. Shaving her pubis is the remainder of her defeat. I guess the “stat” showing it’s state, along with the others (nail polishing, using lipstick) works as a way to show the player to what extend the MC is able to break Domina’s spell.

Domina’s spell in itself is… strange. I mean, come on dude, she comes and tells you to shave and all that just because. If you’re going for the bdsm story (I guess you do) I’d like to at least have a reason. I can’t say anything about your kinks and fetishes, but one doesn’t turn this way just after a beating. And it can send the wrong message to those that don’t know the bdsm world, scaring them.

I don’t know what to say… The story is good. A fallen fighter trying to get on her feet again in a world that doesn’t believe in her. I like how you can beat down the bouncers at the club and the man at the gym, earning respect. But that event with domina doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t work. And it will bring bad looks to the game if you don’t change it.


#17

Oh, and @marajade I am not defending any kind of sexism, but saying this game discriminates lesbians and all that… The game is too short yet, and maybe you are right, but for now we have only met Domina. It doesn’t mean everyone is like her, or that she’s the paradigm of lesbian dominatrix.

Gotta say, in my “comunity” I’ve met doms and dominas that *ehem* like to order their “partners” to dress or behave in a definite way to satisfy their fetishes. Though the game’s character Domina would be rejected for being bossy to someone that didn’t agree to being bossed.

And to make it clear, the bdsm community is the most woman-friendly, gay-friendly, trans-friendly, etc etc etc. It doesn’t matter who you are on the outside, be it a successful bussinesswoman, a caretaker, a teacher, a bar aid, a waiter… Once you step in, you decide to be what you want to be, and no one will force you to do anything you don’t want to. Do you like to order around? Or to be bound? To hit someone with a flogger? to be hit? Then find a partner and explore your sexuality. Gender and sex preferences are all totally respected inside the Scene.


#18

shave pubic hair and touch without permission is rape in my country @aquila same that rape your mind is rape .

Now to all males here switch the gender you are a boy suffering in a hospital your rival come touch you and shave your genitals while domino your mind also make you dress like a drag queen how cool game is ??? its really erotic torture people


#19

@Marajade I’m wondering, what’s the difference between the rape here, and the rape in your game?


#20

But she doesn’t touch you. She puts everything on the table and leaves, at least in my gameplay. And Jedis also mind raped people, making them think and behave at their command.

And to the gender switch, I know lots of guys and some of them would not only accept it, but also ask for it. If the game puts me in that situation, I’ll try to adapt and see where it’s taking me even if I don’t like it, just as when I read books where I don’t like the main character. This game is not made to the broadest of publics, as it defies logical thinking and common behaviours. Like 50 shades, where Anastasia is led to the Scene without asking for it, though Grey at least lets her decide the extent of their plays…

And before I forget it, @Magma I’d prefer not having images. I prefer to use my imagination when picturing characters. Maybe others don’t, but I find it more interesting this way.