The Fifth Horseman: Fear [WIP] (On Hiatus)

This is a common bug, I think it’s on dashingdon’s part. It happens in other wips.too

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Unrelated but goddamn u got like 43 tabs open at once :scream: thats gotta drain hella battery

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I once had 139 tabs open and like 3 different windows and my phone shut it’s self off to stop me from probably adding more. Restarted it’s self and got rid of all my tabs XD

But it also deleted the stuff I was working on so TnT

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"Before we start, you are…

…a potato."

Finally, a game I truly put myself into. How original for me to say :joy:

I hope I don't sound rude-

Okay! So, I like this! If I can say this, I think the title should just be The Fifth Horseman as it, personally, sounds a little more ominous, especially for Fear? Totally up to you of course. It still caught my attention, and that’s really what matters in the end. I’m gonna sound like a pretentious asshole when I write this, considering I’m not even a professional writer; there are parts to the writing that could flow better. If that makes sense. I struggle so much with this too, so it really helps to have a second set of eyes to read this such as a friend or parent. My mother, an avid reader, has read my work a few times and can help me look at things a little differently to find what needs to be changed. Highly recommend reading it out loud. Like picking names, if it doesn’t roll off the tongue or if it sounds “off”, it might need some adjustments.

There are some little errors, like missed punctuation and missing line spaces between different characters speaking, but it didn’t take me out of the story. The pacing, personally, feels a bit rushed, but I know that this is focusing on MC living as a supposed human remaining their memories. It’s just something I’d thought I’d mention. (Do I sound like an asshole now-?:sweat_smile:) When meeting “Dr. Greymark”, it would be nice to include options of shaking her hand, or hesitating to shake it, or outright denying it. Not necessary, and up to you, but it could be a small way of building MC’s personality or just having more control of MC’s responses. Also, was your comment supposed to stay in? I loved it all the same, it was so surprising!

I didn’t run into any coding errors on my run, even when choosing to input my own name, so from the first playthrough, everything is good! I’m eyeballing Famine tho. I’m comin for you b o i.

Quick edit: if you need help editing, I’d be willing to lend a hand! I’m not a pro, by any means, but if I can offer any assistance, I’d like to.

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Omg nooo the comments are not suppose to be there, that’s embarrassing. As for the editing I could definitely use help because my everything suuuucks but how would that work? Lol thanks!

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:joy: It’s alright! It gave me a good laugh. If you know someone who is a writer you could ask then or make a topic on the forum. You’d be surprised how many writers don’t mind working for free if they can.

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Thanks for the help, I’ll look into it more once school isn’t crushing my soul :slight_smile:

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I’d be happy to help anyway possible if you need it😄 Don’t hesitate to ask! Writing is hard enough as it is.

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This is good stuff :joy_cat::smile_cat::smirk_cat:

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Looks interesting :ok_hand::ok_hand:

But…

wanted to be a potato

dc26271db4e4725c5e160f4f8889f26d

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:notes:A potato flew around the the room-:notes:

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Looooove the demo so far!

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This is my favorite WIP of 2020! Can’t wait to see what happens :relieved:

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Hello gremlins! I added some stuff to the main post if you’d like to check that out and I’ve also been super busy with school lately so I haven’t been able to work on the WIP as much as I’d like to :sweat:. Sorry lads.

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I really liked your demo, I found some errors.

Summary

Oh mer god, so sorry! Forgot to upload a file should be fixed now.

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So I decided for once I should actually look at the warnings authors put on some of their games. Until I was forced to blink a couple times since I saw kidnapping. So who’s getting kidnapped? The MC? Other people? Your family?

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Eek that’s spoilers, sorry luv. :sweat_smile:

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Haha :sweat: I’m getting worried now @SuperTired

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Now I just think we’re gonna get kidnapped by somebody’s senile grandma.

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