The Exiles (WIP) - DEMO RELEASED! (Update 7/03)

heroic-fantasy
gender-choice

#21

Yes, you will meet mutated creatures.

Also, yes, I have heard of fallout series, but never played it. If it’s an apocalyptic game, I will definitely buy it.


#22

This sounds a bit like metro cant wait to read it


#23

Yeah, metro is one of my favorite games. I was inspired by that game.


#24

Sounds fun I look forward to seeing it! Have you read Wool by Hugh Howey? Could be some good inspiration in there, especially in terms of the atmosphere of such a bunker.


#25

Or maybe cloverfeild lane ( The movie )


#26

Cloverfeild was a great movie I only really like the first one


#27

English is not my first language so tell me if I made a typo :slight_smile:


#28

I found 2

At the begining of the page it’s written "ate nods her head ", I don’t think I need to tell you where the error is

And the other

At the begining of the second paragraph it is written “the Earth is destroyed” but I think it should be " the Earth was destroyed "


#29

Thank you! I will fix them :slight_smile:


#30

The story certainly have a good start, I will look forward to how this will lead to :slightly_smiling_face:


#31

Besides a few tense issues, I didn’t see any typos. However, I do have one problem with this: it all happens too fast. Would it be possible to spend more time going over the MC’s childhood (and maybe hearing the backstory from the old guy then), and getting to know Kate (currently I see no reason why I would be friends with her, so a first meeting scene would be nice)? I’d also like some more time in prison to get to know Dean, if possible.

Also, this part seems a little off:

“A few hours ago, I was in the party with my best friend. Then, she accidentaly spilled her drink on me. I was on my way home to change my shirt. Then, I found a dead man on the ground. After that, everything went black. I don’t remember who brought me here.”

It seems a bit weird to explain all the events; why don’t I just start with “I was just on my way home from a party, when…”?

And is the bunker just a door’s width from the outside? That doesn’t sound very protected. I had assumed it would be mostly underground, and we’d have to trek some way upwards to get out.

But otherwise it’s a good start, and I’m intrigued to see where it’s going. Good luck with the game. :smile:


#32

It’s a demo :smiley: Of course, everything will be explained. Scenes will be longer than this. You will get the backstory of Kate and Dean. This demo is not fully done. It’s just a small update.

Thank you for your comment! :slight_smile:


#35

You don’t have to create another post with the link as the previous link will take us to the same place.

In short - no need to post again and create a update log at the bottom of your first post.


#36

Okay, thanks for letting me know! I’m still new here :grinning:


#37

I really like your idea for it!
And why do I get a feeling that Kate set things up to us? Damn you kate, I loved you! :sob:


#38

I’d suggest putting the choice of name and gender after the introduction, rather than the very first thing we see.

Speaking of Kate, would it be possible to love her as a sister, rather than a friend, just to make it clear that it’s completely platonic? (And, while I don’t mind, I’m sure some people would like to be able to choose to dislike her, too.)

“I have no idea.” You tell him. Probably, it was nothing. You should walk away from the cage as fast as you can.

Having gone right, I didn’t see any cage… :confused:


#39

What the hell is cage? :joy: I will fix that one later. Also, it’s your choice how you feel about Kate.


#40

Well, there was a cage to the left, but I had gone down the right path…


#41

There’s no cage on the left. There’s a cave. I will fix that typo later. Also, you probably chose to leave the forest with Dean.


#42

Okay, that makes more sense. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

(And of course I chose to stick with Dean: I never turn my back on a cute guy in distress. :triumph:)