The Eternal Library: a Romantasy Retelling (WIP ~ 95k DEMO)

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I’m out of time here at work today, but want to leave my observations before I go.

  1. First trip to the library
    “You trail on steady feat. Quiet. Observing. The librarian leads you into the central chamber, bathed in the harsh gray light of a cloudy day and the soft warmth of lamplight between stacks of bookshelves.”
    mispelling, should be “feet”

  2. Something that’s bothering me. If you take the matchmaker achievement from the previous game forward to this one, Khanna’s engaged/betrothed to La’rast. Wouldn’t it be a pretty big faux pas to expect her to entertain Prince Erix, particularly while La’rast and the other Kitherin are there? One of the younger and still unattached princesses should probably be doing it? It’s disrespectful enough of La’rast’s suit that an issue could be made of it, if he wished to (of if Khanna wished him to.) Donled has to know/realise this, so what’s his angle?

  3. Another thing, you have the option in-built (if playing a woman) to name yourself Nenaria, but not to name yourself “Tania” or some other variant of Taniel. Seems like that…could be fun, but typing it in yourself doesn’t work like having it a pre-set, as there are no reactions to it.

  4. I don’t know how I feel about complimenting Temphesta on her work just pages after chosing “I wish people would ask before using magic on me.” It feels out of character for a PC that has chosen that, rather than feeling like mere politesse.

  5. There may not actually be a five. I’ll update tomorrow if so.

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Hmmm, still I’m worried for La’rast and Dorians group when they go hunting. Could it be a trap to kill the fae and their entourage? So that princess Khanna won’t marry into the fae. I hope I’m not right here. Or I’m right and we can rescue them with Collin :laughing:

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Or an attempt to subvert the Kitherin and keep the alliance from happening. That was my first thought, anyway.

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Okay, it’s very sweet that you’re worried about the Kitherin, but I think y’all are forgetting that the Kitherin are seriously OP’ed. Like, they have dragons and more magic than anyone else in the world.

Also, this is a fairytale. While there is a lot of intrigue and danger and such, this is not a dark fantasy. Not to spoil the ending or anything, but Happily Ever After is a guarantee. So, no worries necessary. Adventures await! Just enjoy the ride! :revolving_hearts: :crown:

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Phew, glad there is a Happily Ever After :pink_heart::blue_heart:

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Love me a happily ever after. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::+1:

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I really respect you being upfront about that; it takes guts to know exactly what kind of experience you’re crafting and not pretend it’s any more or less than that. And we need more escapist fantasy; we all know there’s enough grim stuff out there.

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YES! Glad y’all are on board with a HEA. :tada:

Romance has rules about this. A book/story cannot be considered in the romance genre without a Happily Ever After or Happy for Now in the case of a continuing series. Technically, I suppose a romantasy could break that rule, but an author would risk making a majority of their readership angry by doing so.

Also, not to sound like a broken record or anything, but this is a fairytale retelling, and my favorite fairytales are those that leave you feeling good inside. You do not have to end up with the prince or princess (or anyone, for that matter, as you can play without pursuing romance), but you’ll get an HEA on any path you choose, even though the end states may be different.

I don’t see the point in adding more heartbreak to the world. I write to infuse joy into readers’ lives, and hope you find some happiness in my stories. :revolving_hearts:

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Huh, so Romeo and Juliet isn’t a romance story? Or Orpheus and Eurydice? Or are they just tragedies with romance elements?

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I don’t know, chief…

  1. Prejudice towards magic? check
  2. Prejudice towards fae-blooded? check
  3. The fact that some servants dont leave castle job (cos of terrible work conditions, to put it lightly) implies that they will face unemployment/starvation if they do? check

You are kinda getting there, chief

On the other note, I see some potential in MC getting the crown and the throne. Be it voluntary abdication… or not
The ancestor is pushing for “the prince is a good guy, trust me” like some Lord Snake from Stronghold, but me, a servant, who has seen nothing good (benevolent, might be a better word) done pre-plot from prince (and let’s not forget he’s a son of a man who allows excessive sadism run rampant in the castle). And here I am, as both a player and a character, “this guy doesnt do responsibility, only people” after first impression/meeting. And there’s plenty of sayings about first impression.
Here’s some arguments that MC can offer (so far) to Collin to abdicate:
“you could have orchistrated a coup against you father’s tyranny, but done nothing. you had to wait for crown to be passed down to you to start acting, not reacting for the first time”
“assassination attempts survival will be an everyday life event for you. and have seen what successful ones can do”

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Yeah, neither of those are considered romances. Romeo and Juliet is one of Shakespeare’s tragedies. And Orpheus and Eurydice is a piece of mythology, so it doesn’t really have a genre. But without a happy ending, it wouldn’t be considered a romance in modern standards.

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This is correct. Many other genres can have romance in them and not have happy endings, but to be considered a romance it must have a HEA.

Now, that rule is specific to the actual romance part of the story. Other areas can end unhappily if the author wishes to go that route. There can also be darker elements included, but I don’t write nearly as dark as many fantasy writers, even if this story is darker than my first two games. I also don’t particularly enjoy super heavy stories. I don’t like dragging my characters through hell. I’d rather watch their lives improve over the course of the game, even if things are dire in some sections and there are dramatic encounters. I want my readers to feel good by the end of the story and many times throughout.

I’ll leave it to other authors to write stories that make you feel like they’ve ripped out your heart and fed you through an ordeal designed to harvest your tears. (I still haven’t forgiven SJM for Kingdom of Ash.) So yes, while this story does have darker themes, when you compare it to others it’s still going to be much more light hearted than not.

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I’ll need to check the demo at some point, I’m reading Ink and Intrigue currently (bought it when it came out, but haven’t had time to play) and I know already that I want more. :raising_hands:

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Uh, no that’ll be Collin who gets that, to be fair mc is nowhere near educated or connected enough for it. Mc’s noble ancestor could have gained the crown in their own right had their little rebellion succeeded, mc well I’d have to see it to believe it but with the story as it is presented now it seems bloody unlikely.

Well Minare seems to be extremely backwards and conservative socially, compared to what we learn of the shared world in the author’s previous game. Anyway the mc is also the furthest thing there is from a noble, in their current lives, which would in itself make it a really hard sell for them to couple, openly, with a royal.

And with how well the author’s own writing to date details the jawning social gap between the servants and the nobles in minare and mc being low social status even among the servants…well.

No, but I do know what you have written thus far and that is a society with a jawning social chasm between its lower classes and nobility and mc being low status even among the servants due to both their fae blood and being descended from traitors. And even right now, after being awakened, mc is more of a follower there to support Collin and the scooby gang than being a leader.

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How so? I didn’t have the impression there was homophobia in the setting, though I may have missed something.

Either way, Leia just said upthread that a happy ever after it’s guaranteed for all MCs and their partners so I really doubt what you’re assuming will be the case - that would be a weird way of expressing an HEA.

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This comment is filled with so many assumptions that are untrue, I suggest you take it down. You have no idea where the story is going or what is possible for the MC. Takes like this are not only unnecessary, but counterproductive to the conversation. This is your last warning before I ask you to be banned from the thread.

Thank you, @HarrisPS, for your level-headed reply.

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The point of a character arc is for change to occur. The only believable way for the MC to gain more power would be SLOWLY. No, they are not a leader, yet, but they are able to advise and contribute, which is a lot more than they were able to do at the beginning.

This story is about a kingdom changing, so there must be a difference between the status at the beginning and the end.

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As it turns out, if the MC succeeds in a coup and gets the crown, they become a noble, because that’s literally how nobility works in any world where nobility doesn’t confer magic powers or something (see A Mage Reborn for an example where royal blood actually has practical effects). Or, at least, you’ll have enough firepower (swordpower?) that nobody will say you’re not nobility, which is functionally the same thing.

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What is your proposed/desired end goal as far as chapter count? The story does feel as if it’s progressed very fast, perhaps some indication of how far there is yet to go might soothe some of the qualms that are being expressed in some of these comments? What’s your end target wordcount?

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Mc isn’t leading this particular coup, right now, Collin is. Mc is not their ancestor who was both a noble and actually did lead their own coup. Mc right now, awakened or not, is the least powerful and influential among Collin’s gang of followers by far.

If they can keep it. A very big if, considering who and what mc is compared to the society they live in. This mc does not have the education or connections, right now, to be king in their own right, or at least not a good one, the way I see it and that is without considering the fact mc is loathed by large parts of Minaran society due to both what and who they are a part fae descended from someone generations of propaganda seems to have painted as the greatest traitor to the realm who ever lived. I can always be wrong but I don’t get the feeling there is gonna be time skips of (dozens) of years for the mc to slowly gain those qualities.

This, really, I’d have to see it to believe it because it is a very far and wild leap from where the story is now. It is in fact the complete opposite from where the story is right now.

Bit off topic but even there it only applies to one kingdom and one particular magic killing sword. Would sure be handy if mc’s sword here could do that but right now mc’s sword here is just a relic sword that doesn’t appear to really have magical properties apart from how it used to be stored. At this point in the story it really appears to just be a family heirloom.

Ah, yes, that’s how you get the ignorant idiot sultan and with the “evil” grand vizier doing all the work and holding all the actual power. A trope in middle eastern fairytales to be sure, not something I’d consider a good place for mc to end up as it would mean merely being a figurehead. You may not need an education to be a king but it sure helps if you want to actually wield power and not end up in the medieval version of “Yes prime minister”.

Sure, but, like I said, not somewhere I’d consider a good place for mc end up. Is is also the sort of grimdark ending, of ending up just as powerless as they were at the start, just with fancier clothes and quarters, than at the beginning that I’d maybe expect in a game written by well take a guess, but a happy ever after it woudn’t be.