The Eternal Library: a Romantasy Retelling (WIP ~ 140k DEMO)

If you can’t get artwork, that’s okay. You’ve painted a clear picture in my mind with your words

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Thank you for saying this! I really appreciate it. Most of my favorite books don’t have character art, and I enjoy envisioning them in my head, too. I know not everyone can see pictures in their minds but I try to add enough descriptions that it’s possible to come up with your own idea of what they look like.

If I’m not able to make character art happen, perhaps one day people will make fan art of the characters. That would be pretty amazing!

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One other thing, on the topic of appearance: would it be possible to have options for the protagonist’s skin tone as well as hair and eyes? Besides giving them a bit more definition, it would avoid the risk (given the mediaeval-ish fantasy setting) of implying they’re white by default. Just a thought.

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I’ll consider it, but given that there are other skin tones in the characters surrounding the MC and the fact that skin tone doesn’t play into the story in the slightest, I’m not sure it’s necessary. That is something the player can easily head cannon.

I also don’t want anyone to mistake the way Tians are treated as having anything to do with their skin color. It’s about history, not racism, so I’d much prefer to say as little about skin color as possible and let that be a natural thing the player can assign as they wish.

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I’m intrigued by the plot and sometimes I love MC, and I’m glad that there was some options to question what is this voice in the head and what will happen to MC`s personality.

Sorry, I'm complaining about Collin again

I’m grateful that MC no longer thinks about Collin in romantic way by default, but I still feel like Collin is one true RO and I’m punished for not choosing him. I gather that he is important but it really becomes suffocating. Like what was a point of meeting in a kitchen or MC wearing green? His crew don’t feel like actual separate characters, just Collin’s supplement. I hoped that the ball means a chance to get to know the others, but it feels like MC is glued to Collin when in a group, MC can’t talk to anyone without talking to Collin and about Collin, MC returns with Collin to the ball (“Collin walks beside you, not caring who sees you together”) and again speaks with Collin, that girl bumps into MC because he stands with Collin (why? there are other people to stand with). And then that meeting in a kitchen, like MC can’t take a step without bumping into Collin. I have a feeling that if I ever get a chance to actually speak with Sevitas it still will be about Collin (and maybe Dorian) and with Collin hiding in the closet :grimacing: Does relationship meter means anything?

Also, it is strange that reading character’s POV increases relationship with this character. I don’t know whether it means how character feels about MC or vice versa, but I don’t see anything in those POVs that should improve either. Okay, thanks to saves I can escape this punishment for curiosity.

By the way, isn’t it scandalous that male MC sleeps in Temphesta`s room?

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I have been meaning to ask, I’ve read leiatalon’s other two books and understand that all three are set in the same universe. Iirc the MC of Ink and Intrigue is a cousin to Collin (and his siblings) because that MC’s mother is related to Collin’s father the king? But if I’m not mistaken the royal siblings in Their Majesties’ Pleasure are also related as well right? (They all share a last name.) Which parent of Julian and Lissa is related in this case?

'Deuteragonist' or how sometimes, the player's character isn't always the protagonist in a story just because they are the player's character.

Collin is the deuteragonist of the story. He is the second most important plot character in the story besides MC. He’s probably even AS important to the plot as MC. Collin may even be the protagonist and MC might be the deuteragonist for all we know. Some games still make the player’s character into deuteragonists, lots of Fire Emblem games for example. In fact I rather like to think of Collin as Chrom to MC’s Robin.

Also, MC and Collin’s fates are clearly intertwined for something plot related. This point is made pretty obvious by the author since the sorceress wants MC and Collin interacting as much as possible and that the sorceress is pretty obviously trying to get fate moving. Not to mention Collin pretty much saying so in one of his POVs. And no, MC’s fated connection to Collin doesn’t HAVE to be romantic, he’s not my chosen RO either, but it’s rather obvious a fated connection IS going to happen.

And finally, Collin is one of the only characters that live in the castle and has the freedom to roam about it as they please, of course you are going to run into him easier within it.

All of that is why you keep seeing and running into Collin.

So, idk, if you are going to have such a problem with Collin being in the spotlight with your MC then you might want to find a new IF to read? :woman_shrugging:

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I think that’s an amazing way to put it omg, that makes so much sense!!! Plus its my fav Fire Emblem!

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Glad you like it!

This whole reply is excellent! Better than I could’ve done. You get a crown. :crown:

Exactly! Thank you for noticing!

Absolutely this.

The relationship stat indicates rapport built with that character, not romance. All relationships can be strictly based on friendship. If you choose to read another character’s POV that is rewarded because you’ve taken the time to walk in their shoes and see through their eyes.

That depends on who you talk to. Master Trent certainly thinks so, but Temphesta has zero interest in the MC romantically and really just wants someone to build up the fire while she sleeps behind the curtains of her bed, which do afford privacy. The room has a terrible draft and Temphesta hates being cold. She also wants to keep the MC close for reasons I’m not going to disclose here because spoilers.

Ga'vaan family details:

A thousand years ago, two Ga’vaan brothers from Varvash stole half of the empire’s army, conquered Minare, and tried to take Rumia, which the Fae held for several centuries longer. Eventually, Ga’vaan brothers ruled both kingdoms.

Jump forward to present times, when two sisters from Rzskador (Lauken and Lorelai) sacrificed their happiness to wed the Ga’vaan kings of Varvash and Rumia in hopes of raising heirs with more kindness and compassion than any Ga’vaan ruler has ever shown.

Julian and Lissa’s mother (Queen Lorelai) is sister to the Minare heirs’ late mother (Queen Lauken), and their royal fathers are cousins much removed. The MC in Ink and Intrigue is also their cousin, having been born to King Stevik’s sister (who stays far away from the business of the kingdom and likes it that way).

Does that explain things? I realize a family tree would probably be clearer but I don’t have one at this time.

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You have excellent taste in Fire Emblem games! It’s my favorite too! (BTW I love your IF as well.)

Yes! That cleared things up for me! Thank you very much for answering my question.

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I’ve made my own thoughts on this known. In short, I agree with you, though I’d say it’s less a problem with his importance to the plot and more the way he’s presented - he could easily have had the exact same role in the story without all this absurd fawning. However: one thing that gives me hope is that during chapter 3, should you focus on a different character during the ball and subsequent sparring scene, it seems as though that character gets a little bit more of a spotlight and Prince Perfect takes a little bit more of a backseat. Case in point:

If this is the same part I’m thinking of, in my playthrough it was actually Marienna who I was standing with and who steered the girl away, presumably since she was the one I’d been talking to, sparring with, flirting with. Again, it’s early days yet, but I’m hoping this is a sign that as the story progresses, it’ll become less aggressively Collin-focused and let us spend more time with the other characters.

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When talking with Gemma after getting Tyne’s request from spying, I chose to say a quick blessing and got this:

02_the_sorceress line 2233: Non-existent variable ‘blessing’

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Ohhh yesss! I got the same bug. It stopped the game altogether and I had to start over too :sweat_smile:

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Thank you for pointing this out! I’ve updated the files now so hopefully that won’t be an issue anymore.

Doh! I’m sorry about that! Should be fixed now.

It depends if you’ve initiated a romance with one of Collin’s crew. If you have, you’re standing with them. If not, you’re standing with Collin, who has chosen to befriend you out of the kindness of his heart and also because his magic tells him that you’re important for reasons that have not yet been revealed.

Perhaps look at it not as fawning but how Collin shows kindness and his intrigue about the mysterious signals his magic is giving him when around the MC.

Here’s the thing: Collin isn’t perfect. He’s far from it. His magic doesn’t work properly, his father doesn’t love him, his mother is gone, his eldest brother is an absolute prick to him, his kingdom is suffering and every time he tries to do something about it his father shuts his efforts down, and the only future the king sees for him is a loveless marriage. He feels trapped and powerless, but is still trying to make the best of things and treats those around him well, including the staff who some of his other family members treat horribly.

As the story progresses he will gain more influence over the kingdom, and your relationship (which can be based on friendship) allows you to also have influence over what happens to the kingdom.

While there will be opportunities to spend time with other characters. there is a bond between the MC and Collin that concerns the fate of Minare. Collin recognizes it and at this point in the story he is trying to figure out what it means.

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All true, compared to the shit mc endures daily it still seems fairly rosy and mc has no useable wieldable magic at all. Which is another serious power imbalance between the mc and either Collin or Dorian and also one of my current main annoyances the mc has magic done to them mostly without being asked in advance. Excusable, sort of, for the two times it is healing, less so for the outfit transformation where she could at least have asked or at the minimum warned mc before doing it.

My main annoyance with Collin as an ro remains the chivalry act he tries on the mc. I really would have preferred if mc could have started out as another one of his flings before getting more serious. I mean dude my mc knows how to take care of himself better than a still relatively pampered prince does in practical terms so the chivalry comes across as patronizing and condescending instead of romantic as my mc is not some glass princess. Particularly since mc knows Collin is, or used to be, a bit of a rake. So being the first target of his new “changed boy” chivalry act isn’t something my mc is buying. Which, ro wise wouldn’t have been a problem if Angelina had been gender selectable but as it stands it limits my mc to the one ro, the guard in which I have no interest, or Dorian who has an even more problematic power imbalance in the relationship with mc than Collin does because of his magical superpowers.

On top of that mc is being asked to sacrifice far more than Dorian and likely more than Collin too having to surrender their whole being, personality and body to a distant ancestor who failed in his own time with far superior status and resources to what mc might eventually manage to scrounge up. Ancestor likely had actually wieldable and useful magic too.

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This is to no one in particular, yet everyone!

  • The story is Romantasy, it isnt a gritty grimdark where power imbalances are used for dubious consent/SA. I wouldnt want the author to feel like they have to cause realistically it makes sense, but this HER story. And Leia knows HER characters. So perhaps even discussing this is uncomfortable for the creator?

  • It’s a Cinderella retelling with a world already built behind it in two other stories that’ve been published.

  • It’s the author’s first Hosted Games story as well, and the main reason anyone would go on Hosted Games is to write the story they want to tell. Let the author flex her legs as she finally has space to move (write) as she wants!

  • And that story is having Prince Collin (my bro) as integral to MC’s own story since as someone said earlier, they’re pretty much very obviously the deuteragonist to each other. Collin got his magic while around us. That’s huge. He’s also obviously trying to be counter to his family by being a good person.

  • And finally, I believe Collin is keeping up an act, due to the above.

I really think we should drop this discourse as at this point it’s getting kind of repetitive. Lots of discussion and explanations were given already.

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Ok, I promise this is the last I’m going to say on the subject of Collin:

When I mentioned fawning, I wasn’t talking about Collin’s own actions but the way the narrative treats him. It almost feels as though the story exists solely to show how great he is - how he’s kind and chivalrous but also a rebellious scoundrel, how he’s tragically misunderstood by his family but has this loyal band of followers who all think he’s awesome, how he’s a master swordsman AND a magical scholar AND a cunning trickster AND is mystically connected to the protagonist through the strands of destiny. That’s what I consider to be fawning, and that’s why I called him Prince Perfect: because the story seems convinced that he’s the greatest guy in the world and terrified of the possibility that the reader might not feel the same. I find that to be off-putting, and I’m clearly not the only one.

I find that your responses to criticisms like this (from myself and others) are what’s called Thermian arguments: using in-universe explanations to justify your creative decisions. We’ll criticise some aspect of the writing and you’ll respond by saying that’s just what the world and characters are like. But we’re not criticising the internal consistency of the story; we’re criticising your creative choices in shaping it that way. And if you’re determined to stand by those choices, I respect that. But it is a choice, not the only way it could be.

There, that’s my last word on the subject. I promise I don’t hate your story; I love being a downtrodden servant plotting revenge, being part of a close-knit band of rebels, the slow burn of the romance compared to the previous games, and all the while the protagonist’s rebel ancestor stirring in their soul. I genuinely believe it has the potential to be your best work yet - but at the moment it has a big glaring flaw that’s preventing it from being the best it could be.

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Quite honestly, I’m tired of people dragging Collin around. His chivalry is sincere and I LIKE CHIVALRY SO I’M GOING TO WRITE IT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

It’s literally the same soul. Same soul, different lifetime. Combined memories grant more power, more wisdom, and more ability to fulfill their soul’s purpose.

THIS!!! This times a thousand.

Also, the attacks on Collin are starting to feel personal. Don’t like him? Don’t read it. Simple as that.

Here’s the thing: there’s exactly zero chance of me writing something that everyone likes. While a few people have been very vocal that you don’t like how Collin is presented, a lot more people have loved Collin and the story as it is.

Thank you for delivering your feedback with respect and kindness. I appreciate your intent to help the story. The thing is, you don’t know what’s coming next. You see Collin’s importance as a flaw while I see it as integral to the story I’m telling.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. :revolving_hearts: :crown:

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Okay but we cannot ignore that in-game mc does not exactly observe Collin being particularly chivalrous to his other lovers even if they were just dalliances.
Then my final suggestion is that mc could at least be allowed to ask why Collin insists on treating mc so differently than mc has personally seen him treat any of his previous lovers and then mc can choose to be satisfied with whatever explanation is given or not. But it least then the story won’t pretend mc has either not noticed the change in behaviour by Collin or is too timid to bring it up.

Since the merger chapter is not public yet I cannot meaningfully comment on it yet, so I will not other than that it is currently said in-game by the sorceress that it can sometimes happen that the personality of the ancestor overrides the current personality completely, which still makes it a scary prospect, same soul or not.

This is something I wasn’t going to bring up so much as try to wait it out, given that the trip to the EL for the ritual is immanent, but the use of “stirring in your soul/the sword in your soul” and similar sentiments feels as if it is getting a little heavy handed. Maybe look at all the different instances where you use that or similar phrasing and see if some of them can be worded differently or eliminated entirely? It might even need to be er…flavourised to differentiate between the initial choices where the PC knows or is ambivalent about what the call of/pull toward destiny is. We’re given the choice of what to feel, between “love and adventure call to me,” “Fated love calls to me. My soul craves its match,” “Love is for fools. My destiny is to become a warrior,” or “I feel the call of destiny, but I don’t know what it means yet.” For two or three of the four choices, all that soulful sword-rattling should at the least be rather disconcerting. Particularly if subsequent choices indicate a more peaceful and less warlike personality.

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