The Enchanter's Misery [3/30 Chapters, 54k words]

high-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
young-adult-fiction

#82

I came here because I think you mentioned it in a indirect sexual thread and it piqued me but I figured I’d say.

Thanks for waking me up

Corporeal

Female and the scrivener is a “main digger” but I could swear an incorporeal female it says " grave digger"


#83

The Magician’s Burden was the one I was referring to, but this series will have just as much romance and erotica. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m sorry, what do you mean?


#84

Nvm I forgot this was before the name selection

To Envy’s right stands Skarro, the group’s scrivener, tasked with enscribing tombstones and guiding you all along the safest routes in the event of floods or bandit attacks. At eighteen years old, he’s one of the youngest among you, but he has become your defacto leader due to his sharp mind, steady head, and considerable education. Even among the hungry citizenry of Kilerth, he is remarkably thin, likely twenty pounds underweight.

And The groups main digger line is from after.


#85

Yeah, your whole group digs graves to some extent, but Oztiax is assigned solely to digging while the rest of you have other tasks as well. :slight_smile: (fighting off grave robbers, inscribing grave stones, and releasing ghosts.)


#86

Despite already give the thread like, I just now tried the demo :sweat_smile: enjoying it by the way, some scenes make me at edge.

Somethings I've found:

His voice trails off and he scoffs…


“niece”.


I think this should be “please”.


“veins”.



I found it weird there “you” at here.


This one is just suggestion:
It would be nice to have option to back into MC personal stats screen, after choosing other characters description instead of return to game then press show stats again.

Also, it is possible to “get away” Blihja from MC?


#87

Thanks, I’ll fix those typos later today.

I’ll see if there’s a way that I can send you back to the stats screen like that, though I’m not very advanced with coding, haha.

I won’t reveal much, but I will say that Blihja is one of the many main antagonists in the story (despite the fact that she’s also an RO) so she’ll be around for most of the chapters.


#88
Summary


Not sure if you knew this but, there is a error if the first choice is chosen.


#89

Thanks; that’s fixed now.


#90

Big like for the demo! The team interactions alone make for an interesting read; factor in magic and intriguing cast and you have a recipe for an awesome story.

Regarding the plot - why hasn’t MC mentioned problems with Blihja? Granted her appearance is recent, but wouldn’t your team members be able to help you with her? Considering how powerful she seems, wouldn’t it make sense to tell at least someone about her, since she could be potentially dangerous to others as well?

If a demon (or any other dark creature) steals a dead body with a soul trapped inside, it can take it to the Netherworld. What happens then? What about soulless bodies - are they useless to the demons?

Other

Oztiax rolls his eyes, but Skarro snorts in amusement, covering his mouth and snickering to himself.

I’m not sure, if it is possible to be doing all three at the same time.

Your heart beat begins to quicken and you can feel a shiver descend your spine as you turn back around, marching down the path with purpose, now.

heartbeat

And considering in the next paragraph begins with “You start to quicken your pace …” I’d consider switching one “quicken” for “speed up”.

As you grunt, scrambling to your feet, your see a black-clad man darting towards you, bolas gripped in his hand.

you

Alternatively, you could also write:
With a grunt, you scramble to your feet, only to see a man clad in black darting towards you, bolas in his hands.

I’ve also gotten the same bug as the person before me (bandit line 112: Non-existant variable ‘fight’)


#91

Thanks, Kirakana. I’ve (actually) fixed that bug now, and I’ll fix those typos later today.

I’m glad you’re liking the story! I’m actually planning on having your group confront Blihja in Chapter 3. :slight_smile:

If a ghost is trapped inside a body, it means that their soul unsuccessfully passed on from their body when they died. Demons can take advantage of this by snatching up the ghosts, taking them to the Netherworld, and eating them. So, the MC is there to release trapped ghosts before that happens.


#92

I’m with Kirakana up there, I love the team so far and I can’t wait for more. The magic system seems like it’s going to be fun to learn about. Sometimes with fantasy-ish settings you can get too bogged down in the world building but it feels like you’ve got a good balance so far. I don’t feel swamped by info but it’s not leaving me in the dark either. Actually, as soon as I finished the demo I was really excited and played again immediately. Sorry there’s not much feedback, I’ll probably start noticing things after a few playthroughs but for now I wanted to just throw my inital feelings out there.


#93

Love it so far, keep up the good work!


#94

So, I’ve noticed that corporeal magic isn’t popular in the polls at all. Do you all have any suggestions for what I could do to make it a more appealing power set? Currently its abilities are: invulnerability, transparency, and ice touch.


#95

Maybe Weapon enhancement, making it sharper and more resistent or putting some element on it and being able to “enchant” your own body, making you faster, stronger, etc etc.


#96

I love how the MC has some problems (insomnia, ghosts) Unlike other games where MC is unbeatable and the hardest thing is beating a bad guy which is just a fight scene where in this story the character is always faced with a problem. Cool idea!! Can’t wait for more :grinning::grinning::grin:


#97

Thanks, Chopper. That’s exactly what I’m aiming for. Some testers have noted that my MCs in The Magician’s Burden and The Enchanter’s Misery aren’t very powerful. I agree with that, but it’s something that’s purposeful. This isn’t a power fantasy; it’s a story of perseverance and growth. When you finally defeat your enemies and conquer your own demons, I want you to have worked for it, and I want it to make all the struggle worth it. :slight_smile:


#98

Maybe instead of transparency have corporeal enchanters be able to go through wall.


#99

Do you mean turn intangible at will or just go through walls and other stuff?


#100

That’s what transparency is. It would let you go through walls and phase through attacks.


#101

I actually picked corporeal because I liked it the most so… I got nothin’.

Maybe make invulnerability something you can use on your allies as well? Unless you already can and I misunderstood.