The Enchanter's Misery [3/30 Chapters, 54k words]

high-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
young-adult-fiction

#42

I’m kind of curious and wondering why this game in particular is in the young adult fiction tag, cause as far as I know it’s supposed to be a horror type right?
I love it so far though!! The bits where envy and skarro did those weird things freaked me out and only later did I realise that those were more hallucinations so EXCELLENT JOB!! :+1::+1:


#43

@The_Lady_Luck
Yeah, I’ll add that on the stats screen in a bit.

Yes, some of them will be introduced later on.

@emzan
True, but I don’t think it will be anything that teens can’t read.

Thanks. It’s supposed to be a bit trippy and confusing there so I’m glad that worked out.


#44

Having the characters ages in the relationship bar in the stats screen seems a little jarring to me


Do you think it might be better to have a small character sheet as an option in stats? It could have a small description for each one… I’m just thinking the stats might flow a bit better and seem more streamlined


#45

That makes sense! I could add that in.


#46

He smiles at you, looking relieved. “Well, I’m glad at lost most of you are sensible”

least

Envy gives him an apologetic before heading inside, and you and Skarro follow her in.

apologetic smile (?)


OMG the scenes when Bli makes us see Skarro furiously scribbling the stone and Durj hitting Oztiax really made me jump a little and choke that’s some really frickin fine writing!

Will we be able to kill Durj? Like you know slowly painfully the way Zaleth likes? He’s really ticking my MC off with that temper :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:


#47

Thanks, I’ll fix those.

Thanks so much! That’s good to hear. Hopefully I can keep that sort of stuff up throughout the story.

I don’t have anything planned in specific yet, but it could be a very real possibility much later in the story. :stuck_out_tongue:


#48

I’m really interested how this story plays out. Would be looking forward for more of this.


#49

MINOR UPDATE:

I’ve added some character bios to the stats screen.


#50

Is Blihja an RO? Will we be able to convince her to let up with the hallucinations?
Speaking of the hallucinations, I think their scenes could be made a little clearer; maybe mention things like Envy’s teeth still being intact?


#51

Yep, she’s an RO! She’ll stop doing hallucinations after this chapter, but she’ll just be moving onto other things.

It’s meant to be slightly confusing but I wouldn’t mind clarifying things a bit. I can go back and tweak those three parts a bit.


#52

Nah the other two are clear in saying that was just an illusion don’t over-simplify, it’d remove the “scares” (imho)


#53

I don’t think you need to do anymore to it, it’s fine :+1:


#54

Okay, great! If more people tell me the hallucinations are too confusing, I can consider tweaking them, but it looks like most of you like them as is. :slight_smile:


#55

Cant you just ignore her? like

Keep walking as though she wasnt there ?
:fox_face:


#56

I think the third choice accomplishes that well enough.


#57

played through the demo, did not encounter any errors or typos and my choices felt like they were reflected well in the text.

I was having trouble differentiating the characters. I do not have a clear picture of any character really, but without any long winded exposition or compressed backstory “chapter/Section” that makes sense.

Stat increases seem incredibly small but that seems like something that can be (easily) balanced in post depending on length of the novel.

I think that just about covers all my thoughts on it so far.

p.s. I did quite enjoy reading it.


#58

I at least attempted to make all of the characters have differing and interesting personalities and traits, and I made physical descriptions of each one. There’s also a brief character bio for all of them in the stats_screen. What would you suggest?

Yeah, the stat bumps are a bit small, but I plan on this story being around 250k long, so they should all be able to reach in the 90s by then. If not, I can adjust it, as you said.


#59

The characters are unique, and interesting, that wasn’t my (personal) issue, I am having trouble telling one name from another at the moment. Lack of screen time might be a way to put it? I am unsure of what to say.

I feel like there is a small amount of dissonance between me and the character; he knows who these people are and how he to react to them. While it seems natural to him (being long time friends and buddies) it seems unnatural to me, the player who doesn’t really know these characters.

I think this mostly has to do with the material just being short, I am far more use to long expositions before getting into any action explaining things rather then learning by reading / doing.

P.S. the names are also mostly alien in nature and hard for my brain to wrap around without any sort of last names (even if they are not normally used in the story)


#60

Oh okay, that makes sense. They are very strange names, of course, but I like making unique names from my characters to set them apart. I actually have lots of trouble differentiating between characters myself when I read, though this is only in like the first chapter or so, and then I start seeing their personalities and names and faces all fit together.

That said, hopefully this will help:

MAJOR UPDATE:

Chapter 2 is now out on the demo. It amounted to 9k, which brings the total wordcount of The Enchanter’s Misery to 24k. There’s a bit more replay ability in this chapter, as you’ll see about 12k per playthrough now. Multiple new characters are introduced, and the plot thickens.

As always, feedback/comments/typo spotting/bug spotting are invaluable. I hope you enjoy!


#61

Not sure whether it was mention…but i am assuming that one of the RO is a spirit/specter/ghost right?

Blihja is the specter that follow and haunt the MC right ?

It is actually interesting, i am curious to know how you plan to write romance story with a specter :slight_smile: