The Day After Ever After: A Cinderella Story (WIP updated 11/13/21 with a new 24,000 word chapter, total words are now 100,172!)

Let’s see what is most beloved from the options on the table at the moment. Why not?

  • Tailor!
  • Pet shop!
  • Head of a mercenary company!
  • Arquebus manufacturer!
  • Maid/secret selling outfit
  • Pie! (As in a pie shop, a.k.a. a bakery)

0 voters

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One more option could be to open a poultry farm. We can offer them an egg in these trying times.

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This is absurdly tempting. But I ended up doing the top three options in the poll as a choice with a different ending for each (more spread, yay!). That subroutine is now finished, and once I also do the one for your spouse I’ll roll them out as a not-so-mini mini update.

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I finished two subroutines this morning, one for when you have low favor with Roderick and the other with your spouse. These can lead to early endgame states/deaths (in some cases). This is a new thing for me; TPS didn’t have any, and NPT only had a couple spots to lose (and only one to die, in the Insanity path), most of which were near the end of the game anyhow. So any feedback or suggestions will be welcome. Though admittedly I’m not sure you can naturally get your level with your spouse low enough yet to see this.

While it wouldn’t matter until later in the story, you get the option to suck up to the person a bit and thus get a bump in their favor as a second chance. But there are no third chances; the game tracks once you’ve done that once, and if it gets below the threshold again, you just go straight to an end state.

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Question: do you guys care that the country this takes place in has not been named? And if so, does anyone have any suggestions about the name or think the player should be allowed to name it themselves? I’ll put a poll up to get the numbers, but I would also like people to post if they have any names they’d like to throw out there or to voice strong opinions about making it nameable or keeping it ambiguous.

What should be done about the name of the country where Cinderella and company reside?
  • Keep the country ambiguously anonymous
  • Make it nameable by the reader
  • You should name it X (and then post your suggestion below)
  • Pie!

0 voters

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Well I would say name it yourself, but only if you have a name you like. Preferably something that would blend in with the fairy taleishness. Sense they mostly come from Germany a German sounding name would probably be fitting. If you can’t think of anything you really like then it’s probably better to go with player naming.

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How about the name “Sonnenreich”?

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While the denotation of reich is innocuous, the connotation is problematic enough that I don’t think I would use that. Still, maybe something like Sonnderland? I want to evoke a generic European feel, not really any one particular nation. Sort of a France/Germany/England mashup.

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Frermland! home of the frermish? I know it’s lacking in imagination but who knows…

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I think “Sonnderland” is also a good idea.

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I would go with Eggland but to each their own.

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New chapter is up! I enjoyed this one even if I had a hard time tying everything together. Hope y’all like the new character, and any feedback is welcome. Since keeping the country generic won the poll I went with that, and even used it as fodder for a joke if you choose to find out more about the Contract towards the end of the chapter.

24 Likes

So I started replaying, ready to jump into the new chapter, when K-rod calls Cinderella in to the audience chamber after angering him too many times. I liked how you give the player a chance to get out of it, as well as the endings if the MC leaves the country, but unfortunately this Cinderella refused to apologize and stayed in the castle to meet her fate. :cry: If there was one thing I would change, it would be to have the prince/Cinderella visit the MC or have the MC get a glimpse of them during the final scene – whether they have a good or bad relationship with the MC at this point, it seems odd they aren’t mentioned at all.

As for the new chapter, I found the conversation with Fiji to be very interesting. If the contract has been taken, does this mean that the fae can now interfere with the kingdom? And does whoever control the contract become the ruler? I wonder who took it – at first I thought it might be in that locked box Ilya stole, but that can be returned to the king.

Typos

The being snaps its fingers, and a clipboard and quill appear out of thin air.
Fiji’s dialogue should be its own paragraph.

all the myriad number of other reasons you are my heart’s desire.
I’d remove “number” as it’s redundant with the use of “myriad” here. Also, if the prince has already spoken one of the kindness/couth/honest/duty lines, perhaps add an “and”. If the prince hasn’t said anything, though, you may want to remove the “other” as otherwise he’s referencing something he hasn’t actually said.

Your bleary-eyed bride tosses a pillow from the bed at you and laughs.
“bride” should be groom/prince/etc.

"I’ve always wanted to know, is Lady Emmalyn under some kind of spell to look like she does at her age?
Add a quotation mark at the end.

WIthout another word, Fiji stretches into something superlong and spaghetti-thin, then vanishes from view entirely.
“WIthout” should be “Without”.

The silence hangs heavy in the air, until finally He speaks.
“He” should be lowercase.

Looking forward to chapter eight! :relaxed:

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Love the new update! Don’t love the concern I feel over what this may mean in the future.

I swear to God, if the contract going missing leads to someone wishing for my prince to love them instead, I’m going to kill everyone in the kingdom.

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Thanks for all of that! I’ll get to work on those fixes as soon as I can, and while I hate to expand too much more on that king subroutine since it’s already over 5k words and is not often seen (though thankfully you showed at least some people get there), at least a brief mention of the spouse if you stay is a good idea.

@Petrichor Oh man, I had been focused more on the kind of thing Expectedoperator mentioned. Your notion is even more diabolical. I hate to say it, but I think you just spoke your idea into existence.

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The new update was intresting

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How do I get to meet the Ilya woman that I saw as one of the options for the “can you make someone care for me” contract?

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Depends on your gender but basically you need to go town to explore and chase the thief.

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As the prince, go to the city during the day off and help the thief escape.

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Question: what season seems better for the climax to everything? Should events come to a head in the heat of summer or the dead of winter?

Also, to save me a bit of time, can anyone remember if I have made any references to what season it was earlier in the story? I want to make sure I maintain consistency.

  • Sweltering heat is a good way to ramp up tensions
  • Blood in the snow is always a fun bit of imagery.
  • Pie!

0 voters

5 Likes