Happy birthday!!!
A game that takes place during Donald Trump’s first term as President? Heck yeah. Nathan I’ve seen you around, but I never expected this. Add a barbed sledgehammer to the weapons, and you earned yourself a five star demo. XD But on a more serious note, this is written beautifully, you let us name our hellhound Dante (nice, dude), you let us have a hellhound period, with cybernetics, I get to be an orc in modern times, the stats page is already perfect, as is the pacing (you just get right to it, again, nice), and I get to express my loving fondness of illegal activities. I. Really. Freaking. Like. This. Demo. Really. Great job, man. Keep this up, and you’ll get my 2.99. XD Unless its free. Then, you know. You only get my gratitude. Sorry. So, yeah. Oh, and happy birthday. Almost forgot. I was just thinking about my orc, you know, and how he’s… I’ll just go.
Wow this review has inspired me. I completely forgot to give our hellhound cybernetics! scribbles down notes to tragically cripple our faithful buddy in later scene.
There will be more expressing, the hellhound will the be story’s comedian and lots and lots of conspiracies!
Thank you for your review, I hope to not disappoint in the next update! Also I’m not only a local member who casually turns topics into anarchy and serious characters into idols of comedy. I also write a lot and this is my new pet project! 
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Well now I know you write! And hey, I’m glad my review pushed you. Usually, my opinion is worthless, and matters to no one, so thanks! Oh, and I’m glad you’re “too stubborn” to not finish this, because well, based on what I’ve read so far, (demonic voice) IT MUST BE. 
Happy birthday!! (It’s still the right day by like 6 minutes over here, so it totally still counts 
)
A day late but the new update is live!
things to expect:
get to know Marie a little better.
Lore on social groups.
New character! Characters are great, right??
Notes: Marie’s place will have more choices in the next update. the scene was very frustrating at finding things to do. And forgive for what I have done in the warehouse. I already hate myself T_T
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Awesome update. I always love exploring my character’s past. I was like, POW! Ah, good times. Good times. Sucks Marie got hurt though. I’m really starting to like her…
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Wow. Those scenes on Marie’s apartment, telling the MC not to peek while she’s changing, and slowly intertwining fingers.
If she’s not a very subtle player, then I don’t know what she is.
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I’m not angry you let Marie get hurt, I’m just disap- wait no I am angry, how could you let that happen? (Well all’s good aslong as she lives)
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blinking shock trying to keep focused … why? in the warehouse, no less?! tears forming in my eyes
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Pretty sure I missed a lot, but here’s what I caught.
First time describing Marie, ‘her deft hands has picks’, I think you know what’s wrong here, hehe
Oh, and right before that, ‘Overwhelming at time’ small “o”, if it matters, and times.
This sentence is a little awkward:
The streets are alive today and you get the impression the market is in town, mostly from the vendors try to cut in your path to sell their wares to ranging from fake magical artifacts to different kinds of stimulants. You know better of course (also, should have a “than” here) to avoid being talked into buying some of these, after all, you smuggled half of these trinkets in.
Also:
There’s no police or law enforcement in sight, only hired muscle and private security, this should come to no surprise since California is (not actually a problem, but might want an “also” here) known as the Chaos State.
- “to” into “as”
Another:
California won their right to become a free state after the 40 hour war between them 5 other state of America, you never bothered to remember which, what you do remember is California was vastly outnumbered but the rate of magical essence here is insanely high and the opposition after a day and a half was too scared to retaliate anymore. Unfortunately, casualties here lost half their Government and with limited resources to bring back order, they had no choice but to reinstate Marshall law, that only made things worse.
- This one’s pretty self-explanatory, ehh?
And the very next paragraph:
Major cities like Los Angeles and San Diego were the focus(focal) points of the three Marshalls assigned, forgetting about the smaller cities which led to Anarchy and then bizarrely a year later, the anarchist made some form of dysfunctional order. Law enforcements were replaced with hired security, taxes didn’t exist anymore, criminal activities such as black marketing and smuggling became the biggest job creators, and the Twin Talon gang became California’s top business organisation, ran(run) by the infamous Emerald Serpent. With Anarchism calling the shots and no order to put everyone on a leash again, the Chaos State was born.
@SheaMcD @Zolataya I’m sorry but it needed to be done, I planned it from the beginning T_T I won’t say if she will survive yet or not. But attempting to healing her will make a difference
@Talkingtaco you know what the best part about Marie is in that quality? She may not be subtle but It’s impossible to tell if she’s serious or not in that kind of thing. Is she interested? Is she gradually friendzoning you? You’ll never know 
try out each option when speaking to her, it’s a different conversation each time. Oh, and I added a little easter egg for @Nekumura hidden in her dialogue somewhere. Don’t tell anyone.
@UmbraLamia thanks for pointing those out to me. I’ll get onto them as soon as I get the chance.
Now I must brave the blistering winds of the ancient permafrost. Also known as British weather.
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The best part? I’m not even finished with it yet!
Also We took back out island! Hah! Been waiting to say that to a Brit. Take your time to figure it out, lol.
Loved the update man…I was wondering if the Elf girl will be an RO?
Is it terrible that I have no idea what that means? ._.
@RyseAbove yes, but she will have her preferences. She will be open to both genders but it will be more difficult for one and easier for the other.
An Irish Elf who swears so much that it will make a sailor blush. It’d be cruel to disallow romance.
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Don’t expect you to, hehe.
Isn’t if funny how our name reminds Marie of her “dad and his flaming mistress” ?
Now, on to the…work…
It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. The emerald serpent and her drakeborns created enough business and trafficking to provide plenty of work for somebody(people) like you and the anarchists have calmed down now that they things going their way. You just stays out of the politics and get on with it, you stay alive longer. (last one just sounds awkward)
On a scale of 1 to 10, how tired were you when you wrote this:
Inside, this morning has a few patrons and Toby the one-armed Orc behind the bar serving a leathery looking human with several glowing tattoos on his body.
Not very important but:
You wince as the words forcefully pierce their way into your skull, damn(try a comma here) those painkillers need to kick in soon.
Probably:
Marie earned that nickname for being… Well herself, she would be kicked out of(would have been kicked out of) a normal bar by now but you think Toby has a soft spot for the kid. You order a bottle of cola and a glass of water and head up.
Again, I’m just looking really hard:
You put the two beverages on a round coffee table and look to your surroundings. Upstairs must be a living space because it looks like a much nicer version of your apartment,(try a semi-colon instead, I think? I’m not really good with semi-colons) it has a pool table for one.
I mean, you did say that Marie’s a girl:
In the arm chair you notice a girl sleeping with their legs hanging over one arm and their chin resting on their chest, one arm dangling at her side clutching a PDA, taking a closer look it’s on a message window to you. Looks like you’re not the only one who had a rough night you think. You shake her shoulders and she jerks awake, leaning her body towards and swinging a lazy arm to swat you away only to miss terribly and gravity pulls her body off the chair and face first to the floor.(doesn’t fit with the rest of the sentence) She rolls onto her side and brings her hands over her nose, whining in obvious pain.
“Owwwwww! Jeez, Boss. Couldn’t you of(someone probably mentioned this before hehe) snatched me out of the air before smashing my face?” She looks up to you and pouts in a cute, child-like way.
And for the choices presented right after this, I think it’s better to use semi-colons instead of commas? (half expecting someone to come in and tell me my usage of the semi-colon is wrong, lol)
Dum de dum:
“So anyway, I got this job from a client. Simple snatch and grab. Collect the shipment from point A, the overpass judt(unless judt’s supposed to be a place name, lol, then I’m sorry) down where I live, to point B, a drop off by the harbour near where that club is, y’know Devil’s Hollow? A guy will meet us there to collect the goods.”
Speech:
“Hey by the way, did you know where that big mutt go to last night?”
- Unless this is her way of speaking, then…
The hellhound:
His heads snap up to your direction with his tongue lolling out one side. He let’s out a happy bark and dashes towards you but stopping in front of you(idk, try “stopping just short” ?), he bounces from spot to spot in front of you barking enthusiastically, you kneel down to pet him.
I’ll stop the corrections here for now. Don’t wanna destroy your self esteem while at work ehh? Note: Corrections ended before arriving at black market. Already two posts.
Judt… That’d be a fantastic place name. Unfortunately it’s not XD
discreetly saves replies into phone for later use. Shifty eyes.
A question for you all. Do you have any suggestions for events and activities you would like to do in Marie’s apartment? I’m looking to expand on that section. Please don’t say peeping on Marie changing. Please don’t say peeping on Marie changing. Please…
Peeping on Marie changing. 
- It would be pretty nice to have a short interaction with our lil doggie
- Maybe eat something out of Marie’s fridge(alcohol maybe).
- Inspect Marie’s apartment.
Here are just a few that I thought up.
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Raiding Marie’s fridge was a scrapped option. I got carried away and the MC became blindly drunk
Inspecting her apartment is a nice idea. I can pull out some info on the framed picture that way.
I almost forgot about Helly the Hellhound. I’m sorry, buddy!
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Now that I think about it, it’s kinda hard to ‘borrow and return’ smoke bombs, throwing knives and the such, isn’t it?
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