The Book of Alia - Lucifers Dog (WIP) a medieval tale of kings and queens / Demo link in OP

Book_Devourer · 2020-03-06T15:39:25.050Z

Grammar Guy reporting in.

Let me know when to do the next sweep.

Myrtle · 2020-03-06T16:14:01.595Z

Kenneth_McGrew:

good idea, lord/lady but there isnt one for none gender specific, do you have any ideas there? - i’ve been scouring peerage and all-sorts but best i got is “ruler” which i don’t particularly feel it does it any justice.

Check out this thread — there’s a nifty list of gender-neutral terms for nobility in the first post. You might find something that suits your world better there.

Harley_Robin_Evans · 2020-03-06T23:36:07.251Z

Sounds interesting I’ll try it

Bulk_Biceps · 2020-03-07T07:11:27.282Z

I’ve been looking, haven’t found anything. But ruler seems to be the best option right know. Unless someone else knows, I’m drawing on a blank here.

Book_Devourer · 2020-03-07T08:51:15.562Z

Grammar Guy reporting in.

I won’t be able to do many sweeps today.

Book_Devourer · 2020-03-07T19:32:13.549Z

Grammar Guy reporting in.

It is unlikely that I will have time to do any sweeps tomorrow; if you would like me to do on the remainder of the weekend, now would be the time.

Kenneth_McGrew · 2020-03-08T08:13:04.709Z

Book_Devourer:

Grammar Guy reporting in.

Hey Thanks, editing is taking a little longer than I thought, so hopefully I can get an update out by early next week to look through

Aditya_Baishya · 2020-03-08T20:48:16.916Z

I played the demo version of the game yesterday and I have to say, the story of the game looks good to me… I am very much happy with the plot so far and even appreciate you for developing a mediaeval story game as I love them a lot. @Kenneth_McGrew

Aditya_Baishya · 2020-03-08T21:20:02.777Z

@Kenneth_McGrew

I have few things to say regarding the game:

I encountered an error while trying the error today as I wanted to play the story again

Screenshot_20200309-0224201440×2880 449 KB
I would appreciate if there is a better prospect of romance in the game coz if you are introducing it to the game then you must do it properly if not then don’t introduce it at all… (My suggestion)
If we are allowed to invest in two or more projects at a single time. You see, if we are actual lord then we won’t just issue a single project for our kingdom… We would issue multiple projects either it be better walls or invest in new technology for agriculture or military or boosting the trade or extending our borders etc… So, I guess it would be better to have issue more projects at a single time…

I have these thoughts currently at my mind… If it helps then I would surely mention more of my thoughts when I encounter it…

Feedback:

The story is interesting and the flow is quite is good just remember to make it as much interactive as you can, with my experience in these games and after reading a lot of reviews, people like games which is interactive rather than to just read and read and interact less…
I think it would be better if you make the geographical description of ALIA shorter and directly showing the areas which you mean by using a map index (you can do that if you make the map in a computer)
I think, I will enjoy when we even face death due to our choices but I won’t like to replay the whole story again from the first part due to that I recommend the story goes this way: Suppose I died because my trusted knight stabbed me in my back as we were alone in the forest in a mission… Now, I went to God of Death and he looks at me with his empty eyes and then says, “You have not done your purpose for which you have been created mortal! I am sending you back to earth so that you can fulfill your purpose” and then I feel a burning heat in my whole body and then I am again back few choices back in the game… This way it will make it more enjoyable and even make us continue the game without the hasle of replaying the game from the introduction part…
I think lord will work… I never read or heard that a minister calling a lord, ruler x (whatever he wants to say next)… (I am speaking based on the fantasy novels I have read so far and games which I have played)
I think you can take inspiration for your game from these games of CoG and HG: Lord of Aswick, Guns of Infinity, The Great Tournament, War for the West etc… These games have a very good story telling and an excellent narrative… It might even help you to better describe the geographical location of ALIA… (There was another game which I wanted to share but I am not able to recall it so I will edit this part when I remember it).
I think Lady and Baroness, both will have its usage in the game accordance with the situation… Coz a noble lord can even refer a peasant girl as Lady X or even a unmarries female while on the other hand Baroness can be used to the wife of a Baron… (In simple both have different usages)

This was all I had to say for now… Hope it helps you to develop your game further more

Edit: 7. Also, you should keep the prospect of having our skills decided by a set of choices… Like if we spent our childhood fully focusing on learning fighting tactics or to talk sweetly and make out of our work from that… Like those choices help a player to feel more immersed in the game.

Edit: For non-binary people, you can simply call them as “Monarch” or “Royal” or “Excellency” or “Majesty” [I prefer the word Majesty for non-binary people]

lazark_kertia · 2020-03-09T05:59:47.008Z

@Kenneth_McGrew
First of all;
Lord/Lady is not a title, it’s a style. Like in His/Her Majesty.
Lord/Lady can be used as title for an owner of a manor or a small hamlet(e.g Lord of “village name”), since there’s no title lower than Baron/Baroness in the peerage of medieval times.
An owner of a castle is titled Baron/Baroness in addition to his other titles, for example the mc is the owner of Castle Elmfoot, so one of his title should be Baron/Baroness of Elmfoot, not Lord/Lady of Elmfoot.
The mc is also a ruler of a land which should be titled properly, if his/her land is big enough to create a small kingdom than he can be titled as Duke/Duchess. So mc’s titles should be Duke/Duchess of “land name”, Baron/Baroness of Elmfoot. It’s not uncommon for a nobleman in medieval times to have more than one title.
This is the list of medieval peerage titles alongside their styling;

Emperors/Empresses styled “His/Her Imperial Majesty” the highest title in hierarchy, rulers of Empires.
Kings/Queens styled “His/Her Majesty”. Rulers of Kingdoms.
Dukes/Duchesses styled “His/Her Grace”.
Earls/Countesses styled “His Lordship/ Her Ladyship”.
Marquesses/Marquettes styled the same way as Earls.
Viscounts/Viscountesses styled the same way as Earls.
Baron/Baronesses styled the same way as Earls.

I’m rather confused by the titling in your game, because no matter how great you are, you’ll be titled Lord or Lady and that’s not how things work out in medieval times.
As for Knights, male Knights titled “Sir Knight”, and “Dame Knight” for female.
You’re asking what’s the title for non-binary Nobless? There is none, you see in medieval there’s no such thing. Even if you’re non-binary you’ll be styled and titled the way your appearance.
I understand that you are highly inspired by Game of Throne, but peerage in GoT is such a mess. All they know is Lord/Lady nothing more.

Bulk_Biceps · 2020-03-09T08:29:36.539Z

That makes so much sense it scared me. Dude thanks for the info.

Kenneth_McGrew · 2020-03-09T09:04:12.148Z

Firstly thanks for reading, posting, and for the comprehensive feedback too! really appreciate it.

I’ll get that bug fixed ;),
Romance options, more than 15 options are in the outline game, in the demo there are the beginnings of four depending on your choices but no written romance scenes yet, its a big world with many things to come, while some will fall at your feet lusting for you, others will need some work from the MC
As the story unfolds there are many opportunities to micromanage your castle and lands, if your stats are the right amount you will indeed be able to complete more than one “project” at a time.

for example if you let your population dwindle through unpopular opinion, you will end up with an army but no-one to do your bidding

Feedback wise

#2. the map will be integrated into the stats page, and will be fully illustrated, its a moving feast as getting the story into choice script only started on 1st of March, sketches etc will be replaced eventually
#3. i like it, i may just use something along these lines, there has to be an advantage to winning on your first take though, so maybe there’s an easter egg / secret ending. scribbles some notes

#4. it comes from the ~16th century, sometimes referred to as “milord”, although part of what i want to do is build a world with customs and traditions, referring to nobles as my Lord, my Lady is one of them.

#7. Skills are all set by the MC choices but they are not transparent or present in the stats (currently), im undecided how i wish to portray this yet, often when i play COG titles i end up picking the choice with [desired trait] in it, so im trying to keep it fluid, i.e. with influence options if its in the stats im often checking the relationship stats before i might click that option.
in the real world we wouldnt know our chances before making the choice, which is what im trying to bring into the game, i.e. those who read will be rewarded - Speaking with characters and keeping relationships healthy will reveal secrets you might not otherwise know.

Kenneth_McGrew · 2020-03-09T09:20:36.962Z

Thankyou! maybe a little clarity around titles will help early on, after all its not an historic world its an alternative world with medieval themes and while peerage is a big influence for my story its not something i will replicate other than in an “Alia” world way.

but i may take some snippets from Barron/ Baronesses so readers can relate.

yes non-binary was never a thing, but in Alia it is

lazark_kertia · 2020-03-09T10:03:57.411Z

Kenneth_McGrew:

its an alternative world with medieval themes and while peerage is a big influence for my story its not something i will replicate other than in an “Alia” world way.

I mean, you’re the head of a powerful Noble house and yet you’re titled only “Lord or Lady”? Come on you can do better .
You can create alternative titles since it’s an alternative world anyway. Warden of the South perhaps? lol
You’re titled Lord and you’re styled as Lord as well. That’s . . Imagine you’re titled King of England and people styling you with “king” as well. That sounds like this “Apologize King, i mean not to interrupt you but there’s something important needed your handle”. Sounds more like an insult to me rather than reverence

Firefox_12 · 2020-03-09T13:26:42.960Z

This game is fantastic. Pls don’t stop writing it’s real amazing

Kenneth_McGrew · 2020-03-09T16:52:01.810Z

Thanks! there’s a little update gone live today you might enjoy

Aditya_Baishya · 2020-03-09T17:12:37.949Z

Hmm… That’s some interesting updates. I like the way how you are trying something new to set the skills of the MC. In that case I would suggest you to add a chapter after the introduction where we are narrated from our childhood to becoming the lord of the house ourself… (Having some choices which will determine our skills in adulthood) In those chapters we can spend our time with our friends which will develop a and b set of skills (it will be hidden ofcourse) and x and y if we are like traveling in the lands belonging to our house where we can learn different problems faced by the people… Those things can affect a range of skills and others…
Also, I wanted to know if the MC can be the ruler of Kingdom instead of his cousin… Coz I think I will be more interested to place myself in the throne rather than to put my cousin in the throne.
Further, I would suggest you to keep some type of plot in the game where you can continue the game in a sequel if the public likes it… By this I mean, don’t put too many different endings, if you really plan to make a sequel in future or want to keep the option open for sequel then you should keep a single or dual endings… That won’t cause you much trouble in writing a sequel…
I would also prefer to choose from a set of age we would like to continue our story… I said this because, sometimes people prefer a different set of age to feel more immersed in the story and different set of age can even influence our skills, for example, a 25 year old person can be more physically powerful than a 16 or 18 year old person and the 18 year old person can have more agility than the 25 year old person…

Here you might say, you won’t become the lord of the house if you’re aren’t 18 but think it in this way, if the people wants the ruler of the house to rule his lands rather than his advisors, thus more and more pressure would be there on the advisors to make the MC the ruler of the house as soon as possible or there might be a rebel building up as they don’t like the way how the King’s representative is ruling the lands… That might make the MC the lord of the house even at the age of 16… Ofcourse it might be a hidden starting of the story if we choose some correct spots like traveling lands belonging to our house, getting to know the commoners and even getting to know their problems…

Aditya_Baishya · 2020-03-09T17:16:35.378Z

I would also like to thank you for giving me the credits for finding the bug. It motivates a person like me, yk

Edit: I don’t know if this is a bug or you kept it like that intentionally so that you can put correct things here but I would like to mention them, I have marked them through red colour:

Screenshot_20200309-224854~21440×2880 1.06 MB

Screenshot_20200309-224955~21440×2880 681 KB

Screenshot_20200309-225156~31440×2880 974 KB

Also, this page keeps loading due to which I am not able to move forward to the next page:

Screenshot_20200309-2259071440×2880 539 KB

correia · 2020-03-09T18:24:08.452Z

Aditya_Baishya:

Also, I wanted to know if the MC can be the ruler of Kingdom instead of his cousin… Coz I think I will be more interested to place myself in the throne rather than to put my cousin in the throne.

Yeah i agree with this, my determination to put a cousin that i don´t really care about in the most powerfull position in the whole kingdom is not that great… But if you decide that we can´t become the ruler of kingdom ourselves and our cousin is the only option, don´t makes choose who we support in the begginig of the game without meeting the King or this said cousin we don´t know any of them and we could be replacing King lucifer and putting someone even worse in his place.
About the tent scene with Bart (i think that´s his name) you can´t present us a choice like this at the begging of the game, when we haven´t even meet anyone, i understand that your talk many times in the prologue how bad King Lucifer is but i think that we should meet him before judging him because what you see from wrong i can see as the right and most safe course of action and a rebellion is something that can´t be consider in a second like it is in the game it takes a little bit of time we can´t forget there are lives depending on this choice, we need to consider our option and chances of winning, we need to consider even if this is the best choice and if we aren´t replacing king Luficer for someone worse.
I don´t ask for all this thing but atleast some pages before we make a decision like this, where the each side viewpoints are presented to us so we can make the best decision for our character.
I understand that this is fictional world but still there are things that never change wherever we are.
(Sorry any grammar error, my english turns out to be that good when i writte big walls of text)

Book_Devourer · 2020-03-09T18:26:33.684Z

Grammar Guy reporting in.

Do you want me to do the next sweep?