The Bar on the Abyss - WIP [240k words] [Version 2.0 released on August 16]

Lmao tbh, even after I add the restrictions, there will be no messy drama involved on all sides.The monogamous RO’s personalities are just not the kind to throw a jealous fit—you’ll be given the option to break things off with your other RO’s or the monogamous one and it will be generally amicable, moving to a friendship. It’s also important to notes that those triggers will happen relatively early, so no one is in love with you yet.

** Not including He Without Name though. You’ll have to be single and ready to mingle to start his romance path.

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I really enjoyed the update!

Edit: I forgot I had a question-- when we’re being asked what we think of characters, what does “I am unsure” lead to? Will the question pop up again later when we’ve had a chance to decide?

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Thank for reading! Glad you did. Which grief path did you choose?

The unsure option does indeed counts as starting the romance. But I’m thinking of ways to make that decision clearer (as much as ninjamancing is funny)

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Bargaining! It’s been good to me so far, providing me some steely determination, but I can’t wait to see what havoc my wheeling and dealing will cause!

Ah, thanks for the answer! Ninjamancing is funny! Morgana keeps saying things like, “It’s a date!” and I’m like, “…is that what that is?” and just going along with it. Sure, might as well!

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Ah, crap, is that why I got stuck with Morgan as an interest (because I’m really not interested. I’d date the cat first)? Maybe we can get tone indicators or something then? Because I kept wondering why I wasn’t getting anywhere with HWN.

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HWN’s romance path will only start on Chapter 5, so you haven’t missed anything yet :heart: And definitely going to work on conveying the romance choices better based on everyone’s feedback. Thank you for sharing it!

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Ah, good to know. And yes, I thought the “I haven’t decided yet” in relation to “how do you feel about” was more akin to giving someone you’re unsure of or have just met and don’t trust the benefit of the doubt (just so you know how that/those choices read to me, specifically.)

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Thank you for sharing, I think I might split the “unsure” option into two separate ones, for romance and one for friendship? That could work, but lmk what you all think!

I would also love to hear your general thoughts about the update, when you have the time of course :heart:

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I want to play through a couple more times (want to see more of the new deaths and try to find all the objects) but sure, I’ll be happy to.

And yes, that split would be really welcome.

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Oh my god, what did I just read? This brightened my day just by hearing this. I can’t wait to be able to reach the chapter, although I don’t remember up to which chapter it had been unlocked or if we were still in the prologue :,(

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The demo has four chapters so far! So we are indeed heading to chapter 5 :sunglasses:

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Getting back into it, and hoo boy is the new Path mechanic fun. My boy Frame’s on the Path of Acceptance, and it’s a very intriguing take on how to turn that stage of death into motivation! And especially deepens the original idea of him I had in mind. The options were great to choose and reveal bits and pieces of the world. I was a big fan of it invoking a nostalgic longing in Death’s Garden, and it felt especially pointed when he made the choice to send the Librarian into eternal slumber. Felt almost like he was giving her the peace he knew and lost already.

The revamped skill system is also neat to see! The new six definitely feel more broadly applicable than they previously were, and I’ve gotta say, Insight is gonna be my number one ride or die skill til the end. Big on the observant types, though getting to expand on Frame’s past by making him a former a con artist definitely made it even spicier.

As for the Spirit Gift: I’m a big fan of how the Pythia’s Bracelet is implemented. Yes! Give me those character motivations! But it also feels ‘balanced’ for lack of a better word, in that it doesn’t replace the skill entirely but expands on it. More of an assistance and guiding hand towards better options instead of completely solving everything; not to say I didn’t appreciated when did help diffuse the Pyriphlegethon situation and revealed an entirely new layer to it which absolutely astounded me. I haven’t checked out what the other Spirit Gifts are like, but the one for Insight is pretty much perfect, in my opinion, though that might just be me Insight appreciation speaking.

Definitely loved the new additions to the early chapters expanding on the Crew’s interactions. Seeing them forming their own relationships and getting small tastes to the other sides of them is lovely to see, especially with how it gave Yaga more intrigue and foreshadowing to read into.

Haven’t yet gotten to the end of this update, but I’m extremely excited to see what happens next, and I hope that your writing continues to go super well!

P.S. One more thing to mention: decided to make Frame not completely disinterested in Damien this time, even if it’s only sexually. Man can at least find the hot devil sexy and get down with him and Morgen, as a treat for getting ripped from the peace of oblivion. Plus, the portion of Chapter 4 from the last update with the dinner and his mother definitely gave me a new curiosity about the guy. Guess I’m a sucker for characters going through family issues, who could have guessed?

P.P.S. Oh, and before I forget, just wanted to let you know that Death’s non-binary writing tends to have verb conjugation errors, e.g. They eats vs. They eat. Not unexpected, given how much text and code you must have to scour through already, but I’ll say that it began occurring more frequently in the scenes leading up to and in Memorium. And I think there might be a mistype when picking up Death? They and the player character called it Sanctuary before switching back to Memorium.

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I loved your feedback so much that I had to read it three times, lol!

Did you feel that the path aligned with how you wanted your MC to act and think? I’m asking because the path of acceptance received mixed reactions in that regard, which is something I’m going to work on for the next update.

Insight is a really fun skill to have! I want to make sure all skills offer unique ways of approaching situations.

If you reached the Devil’s Dinner scene, you have finished the demo. There is a teaser scene afterward, but otherwise, you’re done!

I literally cannot for the life of me write a character without mommy or a daddy issues and honestly I don’t think that will ever change lol. If a character doesn’t seem to have daddy/mommy issues, that just means they are the daddy/mommy :sob:

Yeah :sob: The “they/them” text issues are really frustrating, but with every update, I’m able to find and fix a few more of them. We will prevail!!! . Also, Sanctuary was the original name for Memoriam and was changed during the writing process. You might still come across it, even though I thought I had removed all instances of it. Call me Bobo the fool!

Thank you so much for reading and providing your feedback! :heart:

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Thinks back on own character portfolio throughout every story ever written or conceptualized by self.

Oh… uh, surely there’s someone in there who HAD a present and loving parental figure?!

Whoops, can’t think of anyone. :D

I might have something to help you with that.

Create a variable to check whether or not pronouns need plurality or not. Example:

*create death_neut false

And then when you write about them you can use the pronoun variables you’ve already created, but use multireplace to change the verb appropriately:

${death_he} @{death_neut spin | spins} right round, like a record, baby.

The multireplace command is insanely useful for this type of things.

Oh wow, that’s actually in the examples of the page already?! Nice.

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Lmao, a big fat SAME. I could justify it by saying that broken parental relationships are just a major theme of TBOTA, but I think it’s kind of like a hen-and-egg situation.

Omg thank you, that is so helpful! Will definitely use it for now on.

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Personally, the Path of Acceptance felt pretty in-character for my guy. While there is a level of melancholy regarding the loss of peace, it feels distinct from what I imagine the Path of Depression would be like. He is frustrated and restless about not experiencing the same sense of relief it gave him, but knowing it makes him want to bring the spirits who are still here as close to it as he can. It’ll never quite be the same, though that’s rather the idea of death, isn’t it?

I can definitely see people being a bit at odds with it if they expected it to give the MC basically no baggage like the other four Paths would, which are all concerned with trying to grapple with facing the fact of their death. Acceptance is a pretty novel twist on it, though, having to deal with the loss of their blank death state and being thrust back into ‘Life.’ A kind of tension between gratefulness for being able to continue being and resentment over having to continue without any real choice in the matter. That’s how I’m framing it (heh), at least.

Yep, definitely feel you on this one. Always adds a little bit of spice to it all whenever you get to see who or what they come from and how they’ve been shaped by it. Though you’ve expanded beyond parental issues with the Crew. Turns out every kind of familial relationship can have that same level of bittersweet angst!

And thanks for reading my feedback! Didn’t expect it to get you to reread it three times, but I’m just wanting to help you make an already-great story even better.

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Summary

This is so annoying lol, no clue on how to solve this.

He does! But none are like the bard, in his eyes.

Dashington is so annoying with uploads, I literally fixed it on day one, but it didn’t update the file.

Actually, I just really hated that he comments on the MC’s body. Removed the text to maintain his snarky but tactful personality.

Missing a wizard’s hat!

Wait, because now I have to :smiley:

Lol, I encourage you to play with high Logic, your MC will figure it out by themself after meeting the “delegation”

That is actually a bug. The flag for talking to Hastur about it was set to false instead of true :smiley:

Love this suggestion, thank you!

That’s just Paul, he’s a regular.

What were your stats? :open_mouth:

Oops, I adjusted the MC’s gain and payment amounts without updating the text indicators!
details.

Had to :frowning:

Lmao, of course, I forgot to add a spending limit. Enjoy your credit debt!

Very true. Wanted to add a scene before the update but ran out of time :frowning:

Thank you @JBento, you beta-testing angel you :heartpulse:

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That was absolutely my intention with this path, and I’m happy that it came across that way in your case! I’ll just have to refine it without changing the main premise.

Thank you for the kind words! I enjoy analyzing stories, so it’s the best feeling when someone does it to something I wrote. :smiley:

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Your encouragement was unnecessary. :stuck_out_tongue:

:angel:

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Your Mc:


(And the skill checks make sense now!)

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