The Bar on the Abyss - WIP [170k+ words] [Updated: April 21] Your new afterlife awaits!

This tale starts with your death.

You remember only the moth, carrying you through the cosmos.

And so, the Abyss beckons you.

Now, you are a spirit, immortal. After a meeting with the Grim Reaper, Death, you were gifted with a peculiar inheritance: a bar.

This mysterious establishment and the Abyss around it serve as a nexus, connected to every realm in existence. It’s a haven where spirits and deities, devils and angels, converge to drink and revel.

Yet, beneath the surface, an unease stirs. A voice calls out in your dreams—a loneliness that echoes through the Abyss. Why does it seek you?

A motley crew of spirits and immortals, each hailing from distant corners of the realms, stands with you. Bonds are waiting to be formed, or even love that transcends death itself—perhaps even with Death themself.

Manage your bar, where serving a drink to a god or an eldritch entity is just another day’s work. Unravel a cosmic mystery, go on a date in infernal Hell, witness the universe’s creation, or unlock the arcane secrets of magic.

Your new afterlife awaits.

WIP link: https://dashingdon.com/go/14741
(Current wordcount: 170K!)

Official Tumblr: https://thebarontheabyss.tumblr.com/

  • A narrative-driven experience focused on character development and storytelling.
  • Play as any gender or none.
  • Shape your personality through meaningful choices.
  • Engage in deep and complex relationships with a diverse cast of characters.
  • Romance mortals and immortals alike - if you want poly, purely physical, or asexual - they will respond in kind.
  • Explore the afterlife and uncover the dark secrets of the bar.

Romance Options

Summary

Death: The Grim Reaper

M\F\NB (Poly or Monogamous paths)
Death reveals a surprising warmth beneath their eternal duty.

Is there room for love within their everlasting embrace?

Read more >>>

The Devil: Lilith/ Damian

M\F (Poly or Monogamous paths)
This devilish being, a powerful magnet of desire, seeks more than power in the bar’s shadows.

Who dares to pursue the heart behind the flame?

Read more >>>

The Witch: Morgan/a

M\F (Poly or Monogamous paths)
The Witch, with their feline companion, seeks a lost soul, their magic stirring trouble and passion alike.

Can a mortal love thrive in the spirit realm?

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Hastur: The Security Guard

M (Monogamous path)

A mercenary turned security guard, Hastur carries an immortal burden, guilt born of past battles and sacrifices.

Will your love heal his wounds?

Read more >>>

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NB (Monogamous path)
The spectral diva enchants with their voice, their performance a dance of beauty tinged with the sorrow of eternal life.

Can your love find a new song for them?

Read more >>>

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M\F\NB (Monogamous path)
A shade keeps the bar’s order, and his silence holds the weight of cosmic secrets and the tapestry of existence.

Will your heart fall for the being behind the shadow?

Read more >>>

Other Characters

Summary

The Raven, Your Mouthy Helper

With feathers dark and wit sharp, The Raven’s history is as rich as the bar itself. He offers piercing insight beneath a layer of humor.

Read more >>>

Yaga: The Accountant

The stern soothsayer-turned-accountant Yaga guards the bar’s fortune while wrestling with her own spectral regrets and wisdom.

Read more >>>

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Shelly, the bar’s assistant, brings life-affirming warmth but seeks a new family to fill the void of her lost one.

Read more >>>

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Welcome to the cosmos: the tapestry of existence, a complex weave of ever-changing realms. Each domain is a thread in the grand design.

Read more >>>

  • Feedback on any typos, grammatical errors, or other textual issues.
  • Notes on any continuity errors to ensure a smooth and logical progression.
  • Thoughts and opinions on the plot, characters, and overall narrative experience.

Don’t be shy about sending your feedback - as small as it may be. I’ll be answering and taking each into consideration.

  • The game explores themes of Death in various forms, including suicide.
  • Alcohol indulgence and its various side effects (hangovers, vomiting, etc.)
  • Sexual themes (currently only non-explicit)

A Personal Note
Hello, COG community! Esh here. After years of immersing myself in the incredible stories this platform has to offer, I’ve decided to contribute my own tale to the mix. “The Bar on the Abyss” is a labor of love, a narrative-focused game where characters, romance, and player choice take center stage.

I am eager to hear your thoughts and incorporate your feedback to make this story the best it can be. Together, let’s create a memorable journey through the abyss.

Regular updates and responses to feedback are a guarantee!

Cheers!

224 Likes

4 Likes

Thanks for the reply! I added an option to refuse that would lead to an endgame, but I didn’t add the scene yet. It will be added in future updates :grin:

1 Like

Hi! Great game! Here’s an error report:

i will update my comment if I find more.

3 Likes

I love this concept! Excited to see where it goes. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Thanks! fixing it now.

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Thank you!

2 Likes

Hi again! BTW, my saves are not working properly now. It’s not loading where it’s supposed to. Goes to the screen with another scene. Is it because you are fixing those errors at the moment?

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Yeah, it happens to a save every time there’s an edit, something to do with editing a specific text file (scene). in the future, I’ll make those files short so an edit won’t take the player back a lot. Sorry for the inconvenience!

1 Like

Ah, understood. No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize I was just surprised. Thanks for the explanation!

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Sure thing. let me know if you have any other feedback. Thank you for reading!

2 Likes

I’m sorry, but I think you mean ‘The Bar in the Abyss’ No? :thinking:

2 Likes

Sounds interesting

2 Likes

Hey, I really like this! The writing is really good and descriptive, I especially love how you set the scene at the start. I haven’t finished playing what’s available, but here’s some typos n stuff I found.

Typos n stuff here


“i’m” instead of “I’m”


Missing capitalization


When Death talks, it should be in a separate paragraph, to better distinguish that it’s a different voice


In my playthrough I chose Death to be a woman, and here he/him pronouns are used instead of she/her


This is mostly a nitpick, I’d recommend removing the first “But” in the sentence so it doesn’t conflict with the “but first: breakfast” line


Missing capitalization


This one’s a little funny. “Your died” instead of “You died” or “You’ve died”


“Hove” instead of “Have”


Missing capitalization


Missing capitalization (this seems to be a more common problem for choices)

I hope my suggestions aren’t discouraging. You wrote a really good start to your story, and fixing up some grammar issues will give it another push of quality. As a writer, I feel that the start of the story is always the hardest part, and you’ve done incredible at that.

As a side note, I recommend passing your chapters through Grammarly or other grammar checkes for the basic level suggestions. It’s free and great for catching minor mistakes, though not perfect (it hates the word “really” for some reason) but it ignores most ChoiceScript code so I find it to be a great writing resource.

Happy writing!

3 Likes

Both are grammatically correct and convey different meanings. The bar is on a crossroad at the edge of the abyss, so I thought it fit better. Although there’s a good chance I’ll change the name entirely in the future as I go along

2 Likes

Omg, thank you so much for the detailed review! I’ll go through the typos and fix them for the next upload.

I definitely use Grammarly, but sometimes I just write stuff directly to the notepad and forget to run it through first haha

1 Like

Hey everyone! Added a new mechanic called “The Loneliness” (I can’t tell you more; you have to find out yourselves!) that adds 2000+ words to the story.

Also fixed a lot of typos and general grammar.

Thanks for reading!

5 Likes

When I finished the interviews, the demo looped back around to when crow first tells us about the interviews. Also the relationship changes show sometimes when your talking to the entertainer and custodian.

3 Likes

Hey It is like Death Parade. I am guessing we may turn human at the end.

3 Likes

Haha never seen Death Parade, is it worth watching?

2 Likes