The Bar on the Abyss - WIP [150k+ words] [Updated: February 22nd]

The Abyss beckons you…

You are dead.

Your dreams and aspirations, the very essence of your life, have dissipated like mist—and you find yourself on the cusp of the abyss.

But in this limbo between realms, “The Bar on the Abyss” awaits, a haven for souls both dead and eternal.

As its newest steward, you inherit an establishment that defies the laws of time and mortality. Here, spirits cling to remnants of life, each with a story as rich and complex as the universe itself.

Will you guide these lost souls toward peace or deeper into the shadows of their past?

Every choice weaves a new thread into the intricate tapestry of afterlives converging at your bar. It’s a world brimming with moral quandaries, ethereal intrigue, and the chance to forge connections that transcend death itself (or even with Death themself)

Navigate love that defies mortality, ambitions that outlive the flesh, and the relentless quest for a closure that may never come.

How will you shape the legacy of The Bar on the Abyss?

Will you be its salvation or its downfall?

Step behind the counter and into the mystery, for in this realm at the edge of eternity, the next story poured could be your own.

WIP link: https://dashingdon.com/go/14741
(Current wordcount: 150K!)

Official Tumblr: https://thebarontheabyss.tumblr.com/

The Characters of TBONA

The Realms of TBONA

  • A narrative-driven experience focused on character development and storytelling.
  • Play as any gender or none.
  • Shape your personality through meaningful choices.
  • Engage in deep and complex relationships with a diverse cast of characters.
  • Romance mortals and immortals alike - if you want poly, purely physical, or asexual - they will respond in kind.
  • Explore the afterlife and uncover the dark secrets of the bar.

Death, the Tender Reaper
In the bar’s dim light, Death reveals a surprising warmth beneath their eternal duty. Is there room for friendship or more within their everlasting embrace?

Lilith / Damien, the Devilish Tempter
This devilish being, a powerful magnet of desire, seeks more than power in the bar’s shadows. Who dares to pursue the heart behind the flame?

Morgan / Morgana, the Mortal Witch
The witch, with their feline companion seeks a lost soul, their magic stirring trouble and passion alike. Can a mortal love thrive in the spirit realm?

The Raven, Your Avian Helper
With feathers dark and wit sharp, The Raven’s history is as rich as the bar itself. He offers piercing insight beneath a layer of humor.

Hastur, the Stoic Sentinel
A warrior turned silent guardian, Hastur’s peace in the bar’s chaos hints at a deep, storied past of battles and sacrifice.

Yaga, the Seer of Prosperity
The stern soothsayer-turned-accountant Yaga guards the bar’s fortune while wrestling with her own spectral regrets and wisdom.

Peisinoe, the Ethereal Performer
The spectral diva enchants with their voice, their performances a dance of beauty tinged with the sorrow of eternal life.

Shelly, the Bartender Assistant
Shelly, the bar’s assistant, brings life-affirming warmth but seeks a new family to fill the void of her lost one.

He Without Name, the Shadowy Keeper`
The bar’s order is kept by a shade whose silence holds the weight of cosmic secrets and the tapestry of existence.

  • Feedback on any typos, grammatical errors, or other textual issues.
  • Notes on any continuity errors to ensure a smooth and logical progression.
  • Thoughts and opinions on the plot, characters, and overall narrative experience.

Please be aware that this game explores themes of Death in various forms, including suicide.

The story also contains alcohol indulgence and its various side effects (hangovers, vomiting, etc)

A Personal Note
Hello, COG community! Esh here. After years of immersing myself in the incredible stories this platform has to offer, I’ve decided to contribute my own tale to the mix. “The Bar on the Abyss” is a labor of love, a narrative-focused game where characters, romance, and player choice take center stage.

I am eager to hear your thoughts and incorporate your feedback to make this story the best it can be. Together, let’s create a memorable journey through the abyss.

Regular updates and responses to feedback are a guarantee!

Cheers!

187 Likes

4 Likes

Thanks for the reply! I added an option to refuse that would lead to an endgame, but I didn’t add the scene yet. It will be added in future updates :grin:

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Hi! Great game! Here’s an error report:

i will update my comment if I find more.

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I love this concept! Excited to see where it goes. :slight_smile:

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Thanks! fixing it now.

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Thank you!

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Hi again! BTW, my saves are not working properly now. It’s not loading where it’s supposed to. Goes to the screen with another scene. Is it because you are fixing those errors at the moment?

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Yeah, it happens to a save every time there’s an edit, something to do with editing a specific text file (scene). in the future, I’ll make those files short so an edit won’t take the player back a lot. Sorry for the inconvenience!

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Ah, understood. No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize I was just surprised. Thanks for the explanation!

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Sure thing. let me know if you have any other feedback. Thank you for reading!

2 Likes

I’m sorry, but I think you mean ‘The Bar in the Abyss’ No? :thinking:

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Sounds interesting

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Hey, I really like this! The writing is really good and descriptive, I especially love how you set the scene at the start. I haven’t finished playing what’s available, but here’s some typos n stuff I found.

Typos n stuff here


“i’m” instead of “I’m”


Missing capitalization


When Death talks, it should be in a separate paragraph, to better distinguish that it’s a different voice


In my playthrough I chose Death to be a woman, and here he/him pronouns are used instead of she/her


This is mostly a nitpick, I’d recommend removing the first “But” in the sentence so it doesn’t conflict with the “but first: breakfast” line


Missing capitalization


This one’s a little funny. “Your died” instead of “You died” or “You’ve died”


“Hove” instead of “Have”


Missing capitalization


Missing capitalization (this seems to be a more common problem for choices)

I hope my suggestions aren’t discouraging. You wrote a really good start to your story, and fixing up some grammar issues will give it another push of quality. As a writer, I feel that the start of the story is always the hardest part, and you’ve done incredible at that.

As a side note, I recommend passing your chapters through Grammarly or other grammar checkes for the basic level suggestions. It’s free and great for catching minor mistakes, though not perfect (it hates the word “really” for some reason) but it ignores most ChoiceScript code so I find it to be a great writing resource.

Happy writing!

3 Likes

Both are grammatically correct and convey different meanings. The bar is on a crossroad at the edge of the abyss, so I thought it fit better. Although there’s a good chance I’ll change the name entirely in the future as I go along

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Omg, thank you so much for the detailed review! I’ll go through the typos and fix them for the next upload.

I definitely use Grammarly, but sometimes I just write stuff directly to the notepad and forget to run it through first haha

1 Like

Hey everyone! Added a new mechanic called “The Loneliness” (I can’t tell you more; you have to find out yourselves!) that adds 2000+ words to the story.

Also fixed a lot of typos and general grammar.

Thanks for reading!

5 Likes

When I finished the interviews, the demo looped back around to when crow first tells us about the interviews. Also the relationship changes show sometimes when your talking to the entertainer and custodian.

3 Likes

Hey It is like Death Parade. I am guessing we may turn human at the end.

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Haha never seen Death Parade, is it worth watching?

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