Temple of Endless Night (WIP) (Chapter 6 is COMPLETE!)

@varada_naveen Thanks for playing! I’m glad you enjoyed the story!

About Menkaure, there’s a post on tumblr that explains how you can get on his path.
Here it is:

What do I do to meet Menkaure?

Menkaure is the secret (additional) romance of the game because he can’t be romanced or even met by most classes. Your character needs to be very well educated to be able to translate the inscriptions you notice in Chapter 1.

You need 20+ education to be able to notice the inscriptions when you enter the cave for the first time.

A bit later, when you can choose what you want to do before you go to sleep, you need to pick the “I want to study those weird symbols (…)” option.

If you do both those things, you’ll be able to translate the symbols as long as you have these stats: education>=30, knowledge of netjeru>=26, willpower>=40 . This should make Menkaure come to you in a dream.

In short, when you consider these stats, you realize that only scholars, priests, singers and alchemists can romance Menkaure.

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I have been an alchemist and tried to study those symbols but didn’t work out… Maybe due to education stat…I will try again. Thanks for the fast reply…:slightly_smiling_face:

Edit: I also noticed during the cliff scene it returned me back in time even if I chose to not have the amulet. Is that intentional?

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I don’t think it’s because of that. It’s probably because your knowledge of netjeru is too low. You need to either pick Waset as your main city or tell the caravan a story about your patron god to get it above 26.

It is not. I wrote an extra line of code that was useful for testing and simply forgot to delete it. It’s gone now! :slight_smile:

Awesome! Really interesting so far, am excited to see what’s happening next. I like the MC options and am really intrigued by the plot and characters.

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Hi, so first of all, I absolutely loved this game. The Ancient Egypt setting, the amount of character options, the creepy vibe… Everything was just so wonderful! I did notice some spelling/grammar errors while playing through this and maybe some coding errors. Oh, and I’m adding notes on where you should use the oxford comma for lists. If you plan on submitting this for Hosted Games or Choice of Games, the company requires oxford commas in their style guide.

I’ll try to list spelling/grammar for the Prologue by line number, since I’m looking through the code. If this is helpful, I could double-check the rest of the scenes or help with the Beta?

Where I found code, in case you didn't know this trick

dashingdon.com/play/dariel/temple-of-endless-night/mygame/scenes/

Prologue Spelling/Grammar

75 - “carriy” -> carry
78 - “contrary to the what” (cut “the”)
88 - add comma between “the natural world” and “letting the Nile”
88 - “cementaries” -> cemeteries
99 - “remember about the cycle” (cut “about”)
108 - add comma between “eye of Ra” and “bringing justice”
108 - “deseases” -> diseases
108 - “persue” -> pursue
111 - “to be help those” (cut “be”)
118 - “theachers” -> teachers
158 - “music, dancing and cats” (add comma after “dancing”)
158 - “lost of” -> “lots of”
^The above errors are also present in the deity sections for the second and third cities.
509 - “preferances” -> preferences
564 - “my god, my king and the people” (add comma after “king”)
565 - add comma between “messages of your god” and “you are”
611 - add comma between “Without scribes and scholars” and “the kingdom”
625 - “herbs, metals and potions” (add comma after “metals”)
625 - consider changing “learnt” to “learned” if you plan on submitting to CoG or HG? “Learned” is the more common US spelling, and the style guide specifies using American spelling when necessary
657 - add comma between “an easy feat” and “you started”
657 - add comma between “With your education done” and “you are now”
674 - “of all kind” -> “of all kinds”
689 - “music, sculpture and poetry” (add comma after “sculpture”)
689 - “decided to study go to Alexandria” (cut “study”)
689 - “learnt”, see note at 625
703 - add comma between “to do magic” and “you thought”
720 - add comma between “with history” and “it turned out”
720 - add comma between “seven hundred years ago” and “Egypt went”
744 - add comma between “you and Master Ahmose” and “there are eight”
744 - “proplem” -> problem
748 - add comma between “thorough education” and “you quickly realized”
748 - add comma between “reason for coming” and “they told you their stories”
748 - add comma between “they told you their stories” and “which all turned out”
826 - add comma between “moving quite slowly” and “so you have”
904 - add comma between “but after a while” and " I met my wife"
936 - “The desert can beautiful” -> The desert can be beautiful
977 - remove commas on both sides of “and”
1046 - “of” -> or
1072 - remove commas on both sides of “between the camels”
1150 - remove commas on both sides of “between the camels”
1362 - “adoring” -> adorning
1381 - “star” -> start
1393 - “wondering” -> wandering

Potential code errors?

In chapter 4, when you meet your patron deity, only Ra/Maat/Hathor/Sekhmet will ask you to cleanse the temple. But in Chapter 5, at the very beginning of the “Cleanse the Temple” path, you have code written for all ten gods. Should the other six gods be able to ask you to cleanse the temple in Chapter 4?

Also, in the poison the temple path in chapter Chapter 5, you have code that allows you to heal Zephyros/Myrine by using Priest/Scholar magic. I assume that this is leftover code from this section being copied from another path, since the code to start the poison the temple path in Chapter 4 requires you to be an Alchemist. I wasn’t 100% sure which chapter was correct? Did you originally intend to open this path to other classes?

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This is such a good story! I’m not too familiar with Egyptian mythology, but I say that it made my playthrough of the beta more exciting since I couldn’t rely on previous knowledge to navigate through choices. This is especially relevant since my stats allowed me to romance Menkaure…which I was not expecting haha since my preferred PC (usually a more introverted/artistic type with an emphasis on mental ability) usually doesn’t get as much extra attention as a PC that’s more outspoken or physical.

That being said…damn his route had me s w e a t i n g. I kept going back and forth with whether he’s actually an antagonist or if he was just a victim of certain circumstances…I wasn’t even fully convinced he had a divine nature until we infiltrated the underground temple and had him healed by the statue of Ra. And even then I was constantly worried about how my relationship with him would be interpreted by my patron god but…my favor, purity, and sanity stats were real high (around 70-80) so I am at peace lol

I think one of the most memorable design elements was the sanity stat of each character. I kept going back to make sure everyone was okay…especially Menkaure and Zephyros. I will admit I was kind of terrified of what would happen if I didn’t manage to increase it. Even if I ended up not romancing Zephyros, I wanted him to be happy and not dead ;-; and also for Menkaure to be okay and not annihilate everyone in his path. But I managed and I feel better loving Menkaure. Curse my weakness for tall, dark, mysterious assholes… :slight_smile: Anyway, I’m so excited for when this is fully released!

Oh, and for reference my character was a Singer from Men Nefer, whose patron god was Hathor.

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Hi! First of all, thank you so much for playing the game, and I honestly hope you enjoyed the story!

I honestly didn’t know about this requirement. Thank you so much for pointing it out to me and for marking the commas in the prologue!

I already implemented the changes, but I haven’t updated the demo yet. Again, thank you for taking the time to go through the code and point out exactly where the errors occurred. It makes my work much easier!

Also, you’re right about the code. I must have forgotten (?) about the restrictions, but they are there for a reason. I’ve deleted the extra code.

As I said, your help is invaluable! I’d be thrilled to have you as one of the beta testers for the closed beta. As for double-checking the rest of the scenes in the demo, I would really appreciate it, but I don’t want to take too much of your time. Still, fixing some of the issues now (before the release of the closed beta) would make things easier.

Once again, thank you so much for your help! :blush:

First of all, I’m glad you enjoyed the story! Hopefully, the last chapter (when it comes out) will also be to your liking! :blush:

I honestly love introverted PCs so that may be why the options are there, heh. I’m happy to hear that you found the route enjoyable.

Good… That was my intention… :sweat_smile: I’ve always been a fan of not knowing things for certain. I’ve mentioned it before, but Bethesda often uses that when creating lore for the Elder Scrolls series. Many accounts of the same event that… vary.

Chapter 7 will include some sanity checks that will have rather drastic consequences. After all, it will be the last full chapter.

Oh, trust me, you’re not the only one!

Thank you once again! :blush:

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I do really enjoy the story! I recommended the story to a friend before my character even got to the temple.

Here’s the writing style guide!


I think the only other thing you might be missing is replacing “-” with “—” (can’t remember if you have any short dashes). And I know you had some “…” (three periods) that can be replaced with “…” (ellipses).

Bonus - here’s the overall writing guide.


I don’t think you have any problems in regards to these suggestions, but it’s always nice to have access to CoG’s recommendations.

And some quick coding suggestions:

  • Multireplace is really nice to use for characters/classes that are gender-dependent. I don’t think it’s worth rewriting your entire code, but this would have made your coding shorter for Priest/Priestess and the genderflipping Greek character. So heads up for future coding? (https://choicescriptdev.fandom.com/wiki/Multireplace)
  • It might be a good idea to split chapters 5 and 6 into different scenes for the different paths (5tuthume and 5apepi and so on). It’s a little hard to go through the code to check the different paths when the paths are all in one big scene.
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