Logline: You’re a self-absorbed and nearly friendless owl on the verge of losing everything you’ve struggled so hard to earn. With ruthless vulture creditors on your tail, you must track down a missing client whose case can save your career. But when your investigation takes a horrific turn, can you avoid becoming a deranged bird’s next victim?
The MC: You’re an owl lawyer (Caller) struggling at the bottom of Talon City’s legal community, ridiculed by eagles, hawks, and other more important lawyers (Champions). Your owl character is partially developed, and will always be a bit sassy and egotistical, so this is no ‘blank slate.’ But you will mold the MC’s appearance, strengths/weaknesses, relationships with others, and ultimately their motivations.
Setting: Welcome to Talon City, where nine Wards sprawl almost as far as a bird can see. Thousands of trees serve as homes to tens of thousands of citizens and almost as many nests, some serving as homes, others serving as places of commerce. Magnificent hickory trees, cottonwoods, oaks and spruces teem with life. And death.
Mechanics: Talon City is heavy on story, but it includes standard Establishing Choices to build your character and relationship/motivation bars. Testing Choices rely on die rolls, modified by your Primary Stats. Passing Testing Choices gains you Experience Points, which you can use to pass four different “Boss Scenes” in the story.
What I’ve posted thus far: This is just Act 1, about 21k words total. It focuses on world-building, MC-customization, and building up the narrative to launch into Act 2. No Testing Choices are included in Act 1, so you won’t encounter any die rolls yet.
Why I’m posting this: I won’t have time to add to this story right now, as I’m wrapping up Community College Hero 2.5 and then I have to spend the rest of the year to finish Part 3. But I’ve been sitting on this version of Talon City for quite a while, and honestly I just want to see how people react to it. Is it worth pursuing? Should this be the project I tackle after I’m done with the Community College Hero series. This is VERY different, with a non-human MC who starts off with a personality and a history, and there’s a lot of world-building I’ve yet to been able to write, so the lore would be pretty deep. But I realize many readers want romance, specifically human romance, and I’m concerned that they may not flock, pun so intended, to a more philosophical story about the nature of animal conflict.
How is this different than the previous versions I posted?: This is a total-rewrite. I realized that my previous versions were really the last part of the story; I wanted to start at the beginning showing the MC’s friendship with Ayvex and how the MC meets Concordia. I have a whole trilogy mapped out, but that was probably getting way ahead of myself.
What feedback is helpful?
I’m seeking ‘high level feedback.’ I don’t want people to report typos and simple stuff like that because if I don’t move forward with this project, that will just be wasting peoples’ time. So don’t report misspellings or missing periods or stuff like that, please.
“High level” feedback is stuff like narrative and mechanical structure, pacing, world-building, characterization, plot, conflict, the big meaty parts of the game. I’d love to hear your feedback on that type of stuff. Would you want to read more of this? Why or why not?