Logline: You’re a self-absorbed and nearly friendless owl on the verge of losing everything you’ve struggled so hard to earn. With ruthless vulture creditors on your tail, you must track down a missing client whose case can save your career. But when your investigation takes a horrific turn, can you avoid becoming a deranged bird’s next victim?
The MC: You’re an owl lawyer (Caller) struggling at the bottom of Talon City’s legal community, ridiculed by eagles, hawks, and other more important lawyers (Champions). Your owl character is partially developed, and will always be a bit sassy and egotistical, so this is no ‘blank slate.’ But you will mold the MC’s appearance, strengths/weaknesses, relationships with others, and ultimately their motivations.
Setting: Welcome to Talon City, where nine Wards sprawl almost as far as a bird can see. Thousands of trees serve as homes to tens of thousands of citizens and almost as many nests, some serving as homes, others serving as places of commerce. Magnificent hickory trees, cottonwoods, oaks and spruces teem with life. And death.
Mechanics: Talon City is heavy on story, but it includes standard Establishing Choices to build your character and relationship/motivation bars. Testing Choices rely on die rolls, modified by your Primary Stats. Passing Testing Choices gains you Experience Points, which you can use to pass three different “Boss Scenes” in the story.
What I’ve posted thus far: As of 12/11/21, I’ve posted Chapters 1-10. My goal is to update the story before the end of 2021 with Chapter 11, which will complete Act 2. I’d then need to write Act 3 (Chapters 12-14, plus an Epilogue).
Why I’m posting this: I’m trying to hold myself accountable and get this story done on a fairly tight time frame so I can move back to my more commercially popular stuff. I realize many readers want romance, specifically human romance, and I’m concerned that they may not flock, pun so intended, to a more philosophical story about the nature of animal conflict. But, hopefully a few folks out there will enjoy a sort of Animal Farm meets The Purge type of story.
How is this different than the previous versions I posted?: This is a total-rewrite. I realized that my previous versions were really the last part of the story; I wanted to start at the beginning showing the MC’s friendship with Ayvex and how the MC meets Concordia. I have a whole trilogy mapped out, but that was probably getting way ahead of myself.
What feedback is helpful?
- “High level” feedback is always welcome; stuff like narrative and mechanical structure, pacing, world-building, characterization, plot, conflict, the big meaty parts of the game. I’d love to hear your feedback on that type of stuff. That being said, I’ve got the whole plotline outlined and I likely won’t make any major changes to the story at this point.