(Planes: Book 1) Supernatural WIP, Minor Update: March 19, 2018

It’s opposite with me. :sweat_smile:

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So, I played through this for the first time, and here are my thoughts:

  • It’s weird that when we choose are gender, you immediately follow up with “You identify as female and use she/her pronouns.” It’s pretty awkward to follow up with, and breaks up the narrative as a result. If you insist on having confirmation, I’d make it flow more with the text, like mixing it in with the next scene immediately after that.

  • “Politely ask the thing in the mirror to leave and let me get ready.” “You politely ask ghost to leave, expressing your need to get ready and not be late for school. The thing sighs, says that ‘this haunting thing’s no fun anymore’ and leaves.” Not gonna lie, this got a chuckle out of me. :grin:

  • “florist’s”
    I’m sure it’s just “florist”.

English name suggestions:
:ok_man:
Andrew (in there already but it appears for girls)
James (same as above)
Kyle
Jacob
Seth
:ok_woman:
Evelyn
Kelly (can also be used for guys too but is much more common with girls)
Ashley (I know Brits like to use it as a guy name, but every where else it’s a girl name, YMMV)
Vivian
Rachel

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Same, honestly school dragged on and on forever.

Yeah, hi, where can I buy that sense of time? Do they sell it at Walmart or…?

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Thanks for the input! I’ll see how I can get the gender and pronoun confirmation to blend in more!

As for the “florist” thing, I thought that “florist” is the person who sells the flowers so the shop’s called a “florist’s”, but apparently both work :smiley:

And thanks for the name suggestions! Imma add a few more and yeah, for now the name’s don’t change depending on what you identify as. Might change it and add a few more gender neutral names.

Wait; you mean this isn’t a gender-neutral name elsewhere? :confused: (Also, Vivian can be a boys’ name, too, although less commonly.)

@Leem: If you’re still looking for names, you could try Behind the Name, which has a lot of names from multiple cultures to choose from.

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Oooooooh! I’m always looking for new names for my characters, thanks!

You get it at senses-will-go-nuts stores. Only has one branch on moon.

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Ok, the universe has not been kind to me but I’m working on the new update (it’s really tiny, just finishes up a few scenes and a test of the potion making system.) but I’ve been thinking about @ParrotWatcher 's question about the character’s ages (didn’t get to it the first time around sorry!) and I was wondering what you guys prefer? Cause when the story wasn’t supposed to be a game yet, the main characters were all 18-19 and in high school. But I’ve been considering changing that and making them in their early twenties and attending college. What do you guys think? College or high school?

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I’d prefer it if the main characters were in college, because the main audience would also be in their mid-thirties by now.

As it’s currently written, I’d say 17/18, but early 20’s could work too.

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Update! Edits to the story, fixed some minor details and errors, reworked and finalized the stats and added some new things, fixed the potion system and added a few recipes for testing. Fixed up and changed some things lore wise and because of that, I had to remove the option to play as a half Reaper. You can only play as a half Angel now, but you’ll still have the option to specify which type of Angel later on. There’s also a Seeker’s Compendium in the stats page now, nothing to view yet as it can’t be unlocked until a bit later in the prologue, but it’s gonna contain some helpful tips and information for the game. Not much in the way of writing this time around, but next update’s hopefully gonna fix that!

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good see you boss i hope you keep on going

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@Leem

Things I'm found

Planes

dining


Planes2

Grandma calls, "don’t just…


I found this comma unnecessary, :thinking: try either

“Yup. Let’s go.

or

“Yup. Let’s go,


…her nose, "hear about what…


Planes5

alley?


Planes6

…victim. Middleschool…

Just need space.


Short but interesting, it’s good to see this WiP still progressing! (I attached with grandma and Blake(?) too fast :sweat:), will look forward for meeting other characters and potion making :slightly_smiling_face:

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I like the premise, I’m gonna look out for this one :grin:

Something I’ve found

Summary

“You weren’t born in Estervale, but your parents used to take you to visit your often enough before that.”

‘your often’, sounds weird to me, maybe change that to ‘your grandmother often’ ?

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Short but I’m already hooked on it. Can’t wait to see the finished product :smiley:

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@Vattena @Dankman @nulCat I’m happy that you guys are enjoying the story so far! And thank you for pointing out the errors, they should be fixed now!

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As someone who thought this story would be about aeroplanes, I’ve just gotta say that I’m gladly disappointed :joy::joy:

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A lot of people thought that at first, sorry for the slightly misleading title lmao :sweat_smile:

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You know, I was supposed to update with the prologue finished in January cause I was nearly finished with it, but then my computer decided to crash and long story short, I ended up losing all the progress made (on Planes + all my other WIPs) and I’m still working on getting them to the same point they were at before it crashed so yeah, update’s gonna take a solid second.

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it ok take your time