Got a problem at chap 4?
@Exeldgamer I think it does. At least there doesn’t seem to be any sleepover type situation that happens if you call them after the nightmare. Although I think @Rebelgirl said something about MC and Dom visiting mc’s mom in the next update so that might be why.
You don’t get to the nightmare scen when I played. It ended after you go out and do interviews.
I really like this game and its premise. The gang is very entertaining and I was hooked into dealing with them. I also read your tumblr and can’t wait to meet Bill, too. Each of the characters has a very distinct voice.
I’m very interested to see where this is going. (and dragons)
I have some questions/comments, though. They’re pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, but I’d like to put them out there anyway. I hope that’s ok.
Why do we get to pick the name of the team? Seems like something that would be fairly determined by them, not the reader who is discovering something already established.
There is a Monica Geller reference response when dealing with Cam. While I know who that is (FRIENDS is popular after all) it still somewhat dates the game and brings a startling reminder that you’re playing something and that there’s a real world out there, where FRIENDS exists. It’s not something too weird, I suppose, but the first time I saw it, it gave me reality whiplash.
When having the post-first mission gathering, there are a lot of questions to ask for each character. For example, Dom and Grey have 8. Meg has 5 and Cam has 4. For the whole gang, that’s 25 questions for the whole scene. Now, I personally go and ask everyone everything because I’m an old school gamer and if I don’t do everything I feel like I’m missing out, but I’m not sure I want to ask 25 whole questions. My suggestion would be Dom making them each a drink, have them interact in a small scene, then pair them up, or ask the whole gang questions and each offers their input from wherever they’re sitting. That way they also show how they get along, their different responses and you get to ask fewer questions to more compact answers.
I love the dragon. There is no suggestion here. Just…love it. Adored the option to tame it. Thank you.
I also love Lenny.
Right here: Meg makes an agreement sound. “Has she…met any sixth-sensers with enchanced senses? Telepathy, telekinesis?”
“She’s worked with some, but you know…”
“Sixth-senser are already few, and they’re fewer” - suggestion: replace they’re fewer with “and those with enhanced senses are even fewer”. The intent is read a bit better. Also, typo at enchanced.
Geeking out about the Arthurian myths and fairy tales was a pleasure.
Again, at the party there is a lot of talking to people, and some questions can be blended into a single page of dialogue. An example: talking to Grey about Dorian Gray. The MC doesn’t have to ask everything separately, as they are on the topic anyway and it seems natural to discuss without separate input.
“I can’t wait for the dragon egg to hatch.” Lenny says excitedly. - this doesn’t turn grey after selecting it.
Cake typos: A chotolate pumpink cake with pumpinks on top.
chapt4 line 3404: invalid indent, expected at least one line in ‘if’ true block - error when selecting that you smile shyly at the Halloween birthday party.
Disagree about point 3, talking to everyone separately allows people to not be forced into interacting with the people they don’t want to. Also the fact we can flirt with them and let them know we are interested. Which is uncomfortable when we are in a group talking together.
Oh, agreed about the flirting. I did not think of that as much. I suppose goodbyes could be private (or they could walk you out?)
My train of thought when writing this was that you were still meeting them and their interactions as a team let you know who they are better than asking directly. Do others not talk to everyone? I always read everything which felt like artificially prolonging the scene. (probably my fault, but I’m not sure how others play it)
So yes to the flirting point, but I still think that it’s a lot of dialogue going on.
I personally don’t talk to Greyson because I don’t like his attitude, and would rather not be forced into a conversation with him unless it’s about a mission or work. Also some of the characters have personal theings they’d probably not want to talk about in a group, separately they’re probably fine with.
Also maybe I’m trying to hurry up to a part I was at before and romance a certain character. I’d go and talk to them only instead of sitting in a whole group conversation.
I just think its fine as is, if you want to talk to everyone you can and if not, talk to the people who most interest you only.
Fair enough. Personally, I love talking to everyone.
Maybe the group scene wouldn’t work, it was just a suggestion to solve the duplicate questions. For example, Meg and Dom both get the last name question and I’m not sure why someone who spoke to one would ask it of the other (I asked because it was there and I wanted to know if they had different styles of answering it). It probably depends on playing style, which is, again, fine. It just takes me a while to get through them and I feel the game lags a bit because of them.
As such, even if they remain separate, I’d still make the dialogue more compact and maybe have them reply in longer answers, like how they found each other and made the team. To me, that would help it seems less like a Q&A and more of a flowing conversation.
I totally get why you like it as is, though. I’ll try to only talk to one or two and see how I feel about it but I’m hoping I’m not the only completionist in here.
@Eric_knight I like the idea, and I know where I can work it in! I haven’t heard of Preacher, and I forgot about the colt revolver from Supernatural.
@Exeldgamer The game shouldn’t end sooner if you romance Cam…I don’t know why it doesn’t work.
@shiaya Thanks for the catch!
@rosemary_and_sage MC and Dom visiting MC’s mom is only after MC and Meg go to Evelyn’s, so that shouldn’t be the problem.
@sidonh Thank you so much!
I’m really exited to introduce Bill.
That’s actually something I thought of changing, since I feel the same thing. I may keep Night Watchers and have a story of how they came to choose it.
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would come off like that! That’s an interesting take of it. I certainly don’t want readers to be taken out of the game. Did the reference get you out because it was something you felt didn’t work with the supernatural aspect of it? Did it felt like more of a comment a player would make rather than the MC?
When writing the party after the mission I had the same reasoning as @No_This_Is_Patrick, that players would prefer talking with certain characters, especially when replaying and wanting to romance/befriend certain characters. Also, flirting and answering some questions are better in private. But I understand it can feel a bit repetitive asking the same questions, or overwhelming having so much conversation.
You’re welcome! I’ve loved dragons ever since watching How to tame your dragon. They’re also part of the reason I like Daenerys (beside the fact that she is a badass)
You can geek out some more about them with Morgan and Megan.
I’ll edit the scenes.
Thanks for catching the errors- the chocolate pumpink is just me failing at saying it’s a chocolate and pumpink flavored cake.
I know there’s not a lot of the team spending time together in the beginning of the game, maybe I should add some interactions. There will be scenes where the MC can both talk with the whole team (which will have Eva as a new member) and privately- at a game caffee in the winter, at Coney Island in the summer.
I could add the repetitive questions like the name one when everyone is getting their drink, and let the more personal ones on one on one?
When I play a game I usually talk to everyone too, at least in my first playthrough, then I’ll probably only talk to who I’m interested in.
You’re very welcome and also you’re doing great! And yay Bill!
I would love to read that story!
It’s not so much that it wouldn’t work in the supernatural world. I could see the show and a lot of variants of it existing in such a world. To me, however, it was more like an in-joke. I had to have known who Monica was, what show she was in, when I last saw a FRIENDS episode (I was much younger, let me tell you), and then make the connection. It was less than a split of a second but for that time I had to be me again and I wasn’t really prepared for it, hence reality whiplash.
Again, I certainly don’t mind the separation as much as asking a lot of questions in a short time. Your take on it - asking the duplicate questions first and the personal ones later - sounds great. And I talk to everyone all the time. I wish I wouldn’t, but I always do…especially for playthroughs i deem as “canon”.
One question: Do you mind if I send more similar feedback your way? My day job is sort-of-editor and it tends to bleed into my non-working hours (I was writing my observations as I was playing, hence stopping at the error). I realize, though, that this can be really frustrating as an author and I wouldn’t want to bug you needlessly.
@sidonh I get it now about the Friends reference. In Romania Friends is almost always on tv. It is confusing for someone who isn’t familiar, though, so I’ll think about it.
Please continue sending me feedback, I appreciate it very much! It shows me where I can improve.
@Exeldgamer It shouldn’t…going with Cam as reporters isn’t finished yet, but the scene should stop there and go to MC going home from HQ. I’ll check that. Have you got past the loading loop?
Yeah the loading loop is fixed. It’s just the game ending prematurely now. I honestly feel kinda bad about complaining about these bugs, the book is great though
I’m feeling bad for all these bugs! So don’t worry.
I’ll fix this as soon as I get the time, right now is very late at night and I should get some sleep.
Thanks for enjoying the game!
Oh okay, well I’m curious why there is no sleepover with Dom then? Cause aren’t there ones for everyone else?
@rosemary_and_sage Yes, there’s sleepovers for each teammate, two for each- one as friend, the other as significant other- but so far only Grey’s friend and boyfriend sleepover and Cam’s girlfriend sleepover are available. I’ve mostly written the other scenes, but haven’t coded them, and I have to add Eva’s phone call too.
I’ve fixed the errors and updated the game, but Cam’s reporter scene and the Halloween birthday scene aren’t finished.
The game still ends for me after talking to Lamia, at the time warp dance scene. Not supposed to, I guess?
No. I don’t know what the problem is…Did you get the birthday scene?
Nope. Ends right after talking to Lamia, when Megan pulls the crew to do the time warp. Tried a couple of options, haven’t gotten past it. But generally non-shy friendly/flirty talking to everyone about everything, if that helps narrow it down any.
Oh my gosh I just finished playing this last night and I saw the birthday scene AND IT WAS AMAZING!