Supernatural in New York (WIP) [revamped 2 January 2019]

nonbinary-inclusive
romance
gender-choice

#1003

Bug:


#1004

Bug:


#1006

I’m sorry for all the bugs! I’ll fix them later today!

Thank you to everyone for playing :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


#1007

Would it be possible to choose our pronouns after picking a gender?


#1008

Good to see there’s a new update, even if it’s only for some changes to the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed your holidays!

Now, about the updated. I was just wondering, is this scene where the MC recalls about their relationship with Lenny supposed to be a choice at all?

Captura

Because both choices look basically the same to me?


#1009

@DeeFlavored Sure thing! I’ll add it when I fix the bugs.

@Nami Actually there was supposed to be a third option of just being roommates with Lenny, no friendship, which I will add when I fix the bugs. I wrote it than decided against it but someone on tumblr asked if there could be a choice not to be friends with Lenny so I’ll add it back.
So should I leave the first in the game out of these two?


#1010

Oh, i see! My problem was more because of actual wording, both options read almost identical and that’s what weirded me out a bit. i mean i see the small difference they incorporate but it didn’t felt that meaningful. maybe if the wording was a bit more different, you could keep both options and add the third one. but, since they also don’t have any effect on the plot, only keeping one (the first, for example) would be also good.

ETA: Spotted this tiny styling error:


#1011

I’m just wondering why I would want to talk myself into trouble… lol :joy:
please ignore this.


#1012

Seeing the wording, and the missing choice, it seems to be:
Friends.
Best friends.
Roommates.

Three outcomes.


#1013

@Nami I want to dive a bit deeper in the friendship with Lenny, how you become best friends. Lenny is friendly, and could have helped a shy MC in school become more outgoing, or be the only one to get behind the defences of a shy MC, or the MC could be as outgoing or bolder than Lenny and popular and introduced Lenny to other people. Stuff like that. I even thought of adding a choice of having had a crush on Lenny. This, however, you come a bit later in the story. Somewhere in the chapters already written.

@Bathala What other reason to talk yourself into trouble but to show you can talk yourself out of it?

@UmbraLamia The choices were both for best friend, but I can see where the confusion comes from. I’ll rewrite them to be more clear, and like you said: best friend, friend and roommate.


#1014

Is this like “I can jump into a pit of flames and crawl out of it without getting hurt” kind of thing? :grin:


#1015

I really loved the dynamic between the team members and the bff relationship between Dom and Gray! also I have an inkling that the nightmare creature is going to be the big bad for this book

Bugs and typos

You put a pan on the stove and crack some eggs into it, which sizzle and fill the air with a mout-watering aroma.

mouth

The name Night Watchers is printed in a handmade, black font, retro and artsy, and surrounded by small drawing of fangs, wings and devil’s tails. The text on the other side of the flyer introduces the team as a group of young, adventurious people with the sixth-sense who solve mysteries, fight criminals and tame creatures.

adventurous

You don’t have a car, but you don’t mind; rather than waiting in traffic, road-raging, you’ve been putting your legs to work. A good thing, considered your new job- if you get it- will require a lot of physical exersice.

considering

Not sure what to do, you prepare to head for the door on the left- the only door except for the one you have just come from- when it opens and a red head peeks through it. A girl emerges into the waiting room, eyeing you with curiosity.

No need to add “and”

"You’re here either because you saw our hiring aid- which I really hope is the case- or because you want to hire us.” The string of words pour from her lips quickly,

ad (?)

Family friends consisted pf warlocks and witches, fae folk, demons, vampires and werewolves and other creatures no sober sixth senser would believe you existed.

of

You family library brims with books on the supernatural and magic. It’s no surprise you chose to work in the supernatural field, but was it because your parents’ passion passed onto you, or did you fel it impressed certain expectations of you?

Your
feel

“I know what’s it like growing up in a family of sixth-senser.” Meg leans forward on the table and it doesn’t feel so much like a job interview than an outing.

what it’s

“Daniel, this is Greyson Fletcher. As you can see, he’s not a people person.” Meg makes the introductions, playfulling poking fun at the man.

“playfully poking the man” or something like that would be more appropriate.

those darts and pool table are Grey’s- the things you shouldn’t touch.” She rolls her eyes, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I touched them and he chased me all around HQ until I locked myself in the bathroom and he wanted to go all Jack Nicholson, but it was worht it."

worth

Dom keeps his cool and rolls his eyes. “Neither, actually. !he’s not officially on the team. This is his test."

something to do with coding?

“Good. Now I have a question of my own.” Lucifer says, serious. The question, is seems, isn’t directed at you, and you don’t know whether to be disappointed or thankful. Instead, the Prince of Hell is considering Dominic with an intent, unreadable expression.

it

“We’ll split. The two of us and a member of your choice with go to Emerald City and the other two will go to the other club. Who do you want to take with us?”

will (?)

“Would you please drop your arm?” You say, firmly and calmly. Parcelus lets him arm fall into his lap.

his

Dom just smiles and glancing from the gin his pouring in a tumbler glass, “You didn’t say that when I was of age and you weren’t and I was buying you alchohol.”

he’s

The blonde girl looks satisfied and takes a another gulp, at which Meg giggles at touches her arm lightly. “If you don’t want to get drunk you may want to take it easy though.”

No need for “a” there

And you can swap “at” for “and”

In one fluid movement, Dom wipes his hands on a towell and tosses it on his broad shoulder before turning to you with a bright smile and hand on waist

towel

There are a couple of leather bracelets on his slender wrists, and something else: a slight pulsing of magic which makes shadows of symbols whirl hazy in you gaze before you blink them away.

your

“Was is the two,” You glance at the siblings, then and Grey “Or three of you at first? I know Cam joined later.”

it

“How did you join in, Cameron?” You lean over the counter to look at the girl, whose munching on her pink straw as if it’s the tasties thing. “Did you interview too?”

who’s

I knew she’d make a valuable team member, but being still a minor, I could let her become an official member, or risk taking her on missions,

couldn’t

“Don’t.” Grey mumbles while the others laugh.

“You mentioned something about a family legacy.” You point out to Megan, reminded of her allusion to it earlier today.

“Yeah, though we’re not really part of it.” Megan explains, twirling a strand of red hair. “I mean, back in Boston our family is very involved in the supernatural community, but our relatives in Ireland are the keepers of the forest.”

“Our many great grand father came to Boston a long time ago, in the 1800s. We visit our family in the countryside every summer.” Dom leans back in the chair, a dreamy look in his green-blue eyes. “It’s beautiful, everything is green, they call it Emerald Isle for a reason.” He chuckles. “It has a wild, rough, charming sort of appeal to me. Meg and I would explore the old castles and forts around, taking walks in the countryside, seeking pixies in the forest and steering away from faerie circles.”

“You at least.” Megan lets out a chuckle. “I liked to challange the faeries.”

challenge

The disappearances nowadaways are mostly blamed on people accidently stepping into faerie circles, and they return within the day.

nowadays

“Not really, just our long line of sixth sensers, whose taken onto themselves to keep the supernatural under control.” Meg replies. “Like we’ve done now.” The corners of her mouth tug up.

who’ve

You look down at your drink, seizing up how you’re managing so far.

sizing (?)

So, I decided to stay in New York, get a full-time job at the Night Watcherd and earn money to support us and David’s treatment.”

watchers


The dialogue about Cam’s past is repeated from “I knew she’d make a valuable team member…”

Also since this dialogue already takes place I think we should not be able to ask her about how she joined the team when we’re talking 1v1 with her after getting drunk.


#1016

After seeing the new chapter 1, you may need to put the MC’s name (for the smart casual option) and gender before the interview.

Name

Lenny leans back on the counter and tilts his head back, regarding you with a musing expression.
“What?”
“Looking real good, Innexistent.” He remarks, giving you a thumbs-up.

Pronouns

“I couldn’t let my best friend starve themselves on the day of their job interview.”

I kinda get it but it still bothers me since he lives with the MC for a good amount of time now.


#1017

@Bathala Just like that. Also, crawling through fire? Like Daenerys could? Sounds cool, wouldn’t you show that off?

@Bloodraven the nightmare demon is the big baddie.
Thanks for the catches, I fixed them. :grin: Although poking fun at someone is not a typo, it’s an expression, meaning tease someone.

@Abe I rewrote a bit so it’s not necessary.

Hopefully the bugs are fixed now. Here’s the link again.
https://dashingdon.com/play/bianca/supernatural-in-new-york/mygame/index.php?cb=40611

I added the choice to be just roommates with Lenny, but haven’t changed the interactions with him in chapter 1 yet.


#1018

I noted in the scene of the HQ living room, if the MC decides first to help Megan choose a CD, after that there are not more interactions with the rest of the crew :frowning_face:


#1019

Loving this game, just gotta look at the bugs mentioned by the other users. Also saw a couple of spelling mistakes around the HQ area as well, such as when playing darts with Grey. Otherwise great update :slightly_smiling_face:


#1020
a possible bug and some typos

It’s an early Monday morning and you’ve got ahea a long day of asking questions and taking notes, as you’re ona field mission to gather as much information as you can about the nightmare Lucifer tipped the team about.

ahead

Back in your small but familiar apartment, you’re greeting by an empty living room sunk in the twilight light.

greeted

“Well, most vamps knew nothing, but some said they’ve heard humans complaining about nightmares, thought is wasn’t something supernatural.”

it

Well, having the sixth-sense, she’s always wanted to dwelve deeper into the roots and mechanics of it." You explain.

delve

You earn for some exciting case, but you don’t mind doing some desk job in the meanwhile. Either way, you’re learning a lot about the way the Night Watchers team works.

yearn

Who’ve been hearing things at HQ, haven’t you? Meg’s complaints, Cam’s requests… Truth is, Grey is well established in New York’s black market, just as he has in Boston’s before he moved.

You’ve

Thank you so much. You not solved the case, but you found out the unknown power of the sword.

not only solved

“Well, no you look…” You grope for your words, any many spill into your mind, pretty, gorgeous, powerful, but none manages to form on your lips as you stare in the elf’s playful gaze.

“Don’t tease her.” Bryony lightly rebukes the elf.

him (!)

. “I think I might have saw him a few times during my unicorn rides. He kept away, he seems quite shy.” She turns her brown gaze on you. “Have you visited him since the bonding?”

seen

You make your way towards the dancefloor, where you dance close to the dragon to the upbeat rhythm before you take a break and Evelyn returns to his table.

her

You recount your dream to Meg, who intertwines your story with sympathetic sounds and small gasps here and there.

When you’re ready telling her about your nightmare, the dream-catcher and that you’re home alone, Meg says,

  • Play again.

Is it supposed to end here?


#1021

Still getting bugs when choosing music with Megan and can only ask Dom one question when using the new link, I apologise if these are not the bugs you were referencing in your comment.


#1022

drunkards


#1023

Hi there! I was enjoying the story, well until the part where the game just didn’t want to work properly. I don’t know if it is intentional, but when I get to the part where I help Megan choose what music to play, most of the options just doesn’t work. Now I am assuming that you haven’t finished those options yet (which is completely fine) but when I press “ok” to the message the game won’t bring me back. It just freezes. Please fix the problem so I can continue this story! Thanks!