Superhero Secret Agent - WIP Ch. 1-5

@Ferosify Thank you so much for the informative note! That is really good to know.
FYI! I am about to post an updated version of the demo (with a bunch of spelling and grammar errors corrected) Just a tip if you want to wait 5 minutes to keep reading. If not, no worries!!

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:fireworks:Demo Update!:fireworks: 1 of 2
(New Draft Posted ~2pm. July 15, 2020)

Thank you to everyone who contributed their comments and thoughts! Wow! You are all incredible and I am so happy to share this story with each of you. :gift_heart: Keep the comments coming! I will continue to actively update the demo according to feedback. :+1:

Special shout out to @whitebear, @tangerine_skies, @The_Phantom, @anon57850393, @aiseaisebb for being absolute grammar, spelling, and typo geniuses! You are my saviors! :star_struck:

@tangerine_skies I LOVE REMIX! She is my favorite lil trouble maker for sure. Villains always have the most fun, don’t they? :sunglasses: Your character’s opinion of Summit drastically changes how they are presented in the narration. For instance, because you don’t trust Summit, them not looking into your parents’ murder is described as suspicious. The other routes are less critical of Summit’s motivations.However! I will definitely make sure to include more evidence pulling your character from both directions.

@TheGhost @northerndownpour7 “San Fran” – How am I ever going to live this down… I, in fact, made sure to address San Francisco as “The City” almost every other time it came up. But my brain betrayed me and slipped a “San Fran” in right under my nose. (I’m not a Bay local, but lived there for a bit and I loved it! That’s the inspiration for setting the story there.) :bridge_at_night: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

@northerndownpour7 Ah yes, the Jogger! Mysterious Taylor Lace! What kind of person goes jogging??? :running_woman: :running_man: SUSPISIOUS. Also, the Kraken’s evil goo is one of my favorite creations. Some call it gross, but I love a little eldritch slime to spice up a story! Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing. That means the world to me. I am so glad you enjoyed it.

@UnoriginalUserName I am going to hold off on a Save Function for the demo phase, but I will keep this in mind for later versions. Thank you for putting this on my radar! As to your question about “betraying our mission and joining the Kraken…” If you play your cards right, anything’s possible… :wink:

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:fireworks:Demo Update!:fireworks: 2 of 2
(New Draft Posted ~2pm. July 15, 2020)

@HunterBlack My deepest apologies that your absolute destruction of Fatale was not given the respect it deserved. The coding error has been corrected! It will not happen again. Hopefully. (If it does, I’m so sorry. It’s completely unintentional and I will work to fix it.)

@demontears “Boy, oh, boy can we romance the Kraken?” I’d never write a kiss and tell. :shushing_face:

@Langre WOW FIRST WISHLIST REQUEST!!! WOOHOO! :dancer: I can’t wait to get you the whole story! Also, great catch on the parent relationship. That is an excellent point. I have shifted the wording around the “survival” choice so that the relationship makes more sense.

@aiseaisebb I can neither confirm nor deny if there is a dashing hero RO waiting back home at Summit for you. :superhero: :face_with_hand_over_mouth::woman_superhero: Also, the first couple choices are not meant to adjust the stats. However! I love your suggestion about adding explanations of the stats. I am going to brainstorm a way to do that for a future draft.

@violet, @aiseaisebb, & @eiwynn The romantic preference question should be all sorted out now! Thank you for your help.

@Takashi_Shin The shade of gray are so fun to navigate! Allies and Enemies everywhere! Good luck and have fun!

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You tease, :heartpulse:
I had a fun time playing the demo, loved the plot and characters so far but you hurt my heart so deeply by making me choose a single LI, they are all delicious.
Really hoping to learn more about our mentor, are we going to be able to pick the type of relationship we had with him?

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Oh, this has been very interesting! A spin on traditional superhero tales with you having to go undercover in the Family. Also seems like something is up with the Summit and Family? So far I like the Family characters although still not convinced they aren’t the bad people… We shall see though!
Small error I did notice. I think I was at the door part and I opened the stats page but when I closed it it send me back to the beginning of the demo. I opened the stats later in the demo and they worked fine.

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@demontears Awe! Thank you. You’re making the LI characters blush! :blush:
Good to know there’s interest in the mentor. I can slip in a few moments later in the book where you could explore the relationship. I’ll add it to my notes!

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@Jeeshadow1 I’m glad you like my little twist on the traditional form! Family V Summit will be a battle for the ages. :fist_right::women_wrestling::fist_left: I will look into the stat page issue. I have no idea why it would have done that…?

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You could potentially use SF too!

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I really like this! I was so engrossed in it! can’t wait for more update! it really have nice story to play.

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Flipped gender of kraken a couple times, don’t know if it was intentional

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I don’t think this was mentioned already but maybe putting this status here right after meeting Taylor Lace kinda gave it away… but I love this so far! I’m also in love with Remix and her DMX intro :heart_eyes: :star_struck:

image

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@violet Good to know! I’ll slip in a quick SF if I find a spot.

@Eiriri Awe! Thanks. I’ll make sure to get my hands writing more chapters ASAP. :scroll: :fountain_pen:

@Ben_Klemme Good catch! It is not intentional. The gender code is always sneaking away from me. :unamused:

@Rock_Em_Sock_Em :grimacing: oops! I swear that’s not a give away, just a code error. IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING… or does it… :face_with_monocle:

Demo has been Updated!

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Its simping for your enemies time :eyes: I love it

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@Hamps What is it they say about keeping your enemies close? Mwahahaha! :smiling_imp:

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Thank you so much! Do you think is a possibility mc’s path for going undercover is because we want to make him proud and aspire to be the same hero he was?

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oooo it could! There are a boat load of possible motivations and Foxtrot is definitely a critical character in the mc’c backstory!

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YYYYYYYYESSSSSSSS!! these two chaps are so great!!! love the story, love the choices, love the characters, and i’m just dyin for the next chapters to come out. i have some pics of me nitpicking: the first is of the possible redundancy of “to be specific” (which could also be a style thing i guess? up to you! and the last 3 are lil misspellings i found here n there~

OVERALL AMAZING THO cant wait to play more :slight_smile:

xoxo Papa Carousel of Progress

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I have a theory in my head how the heroes just sent rookies to fight the most dangerous people is completely Reckless so my guess is this is a faction of this superhero organization and they sent someone who Wants Revenge and they constantly said this was an accident and all that s*** and now they finally say oh they’ve been killed by someone but we will offer you a deal if you spying and figuring out these plans so my guess is something off and I’m not believing and the hero crap for the greater good is not really how it is
( warning this is crappy grammar I know I suck at English)

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Was replaying the demo and will we get more info on our dad? So far we got to know only about mother, but despite narrative always mentions “parents”, plural, not a word was said about dad. I am just curious where is he? Is he dead too? Or may be our second parent is mother too? :sweat_smile:

I think there is a part of text missing.

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Gotta say, for the amount of things that usually go wrong on my first try at a demo, things seemingly turned out really well for my MC? I mean, I have been actively trying to lose the fight against Fatale for the last 1-2 hours, and that? Doesnt?? Happen??? I’m never that lucky. Like, ever. I don’t know what’s happening anymore.

Anyway, I thought it was hilarious (not really, but) how Summit basically did nothing about the parents’ deaths (“tragic accident”, like, right), but as soon as they needed someone to infiltrate the Family it was like “hey, we’ve got info to share, don’t you wanna do some risky business for us first?”.

Also, uhh, take this with a grain of salt, because english isn’t my first language, so I might be wrong, but, when choosing “My younger sibling. Even though they didn’t need powers to be a super-pain in the ass.”, the next page text reads “If they ever had an opinion anything (…)”; shouldn’t it be “on/about anything”?

Other than that, there’s a “They’s even (…)” in the same page, and, after choosing their name, there’s an option that reads “They never stop fighting for what they believes in”, instead of “believe” (this doesn’t seem to be a problem on chapter two?). The same happens after choosing “I can live up to their expectations.”, with a “They believes it’s your destiny (…)”. There’s also a “Even your super powers can’t save you from their” at the beginning of the chapter two, but only when you don’t pick the family options in the previous chapter. And, something that got me a bit confused, if you don’t pick any of the choices regarding “what’s left of the family”, the sibling seemingly doesn’t exist until they show up in the next chapter? I mean, when the MC thinks about being an orphan, there’s not a single indication of there ever being a sibling (“leaving you to fend for yourself”, “your best chance to protect yourself”, etc.).

Moving on, I just wanted to say that I loved Jack Rabbit and Remix?? I might be biased because I don’t trust the Summit, but the Family sounds much more interesting than them. (also, I can’t remember exactly when that happens, but I think there was a typo about “who to take a joke”.)

About Fatale, I have only one thing to say, and that thing is: :heart::heart::heart:!

P.S.: it took me an ungodly amount of time to realize that intimidating/lying to the clerk made them show up as “Enemy” in the relationships page. I realized on my third or fourth playthrough that that had changed from the first two times I’d played (in which they showed up as “Ally”), but every following playthrough I forgot to check after choosing how to act, and by then I couldn’t remember which option I’d chosen.

P.S.²: the description of the jogger’s face changes sometimes or am I going completely off the rails?? I can’t figure out why that happens.

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