Suicide and depression


#42

FWIW, no, the Bible doesn’t say anything about suicide as a particularly terrible or unforgiveable sin. Some scholastic theologians logicked their way into that conclusion (no repentance, no forgiveness; suicide precludes repentance; QED) but that’s not a Biblical syllogism, and what the Christian God thinks of suicide remains an open question.


#43

Depression and to a lesser extent suicide has been a black mark on me since I was about 10 when my family finally started to fall apart. Not quite interested in going into that, for the most part my parents were just toxic people who only stuck together for so long until eventually in one of their regular fights my mother stabbed my dad in the arm.

That same year would find me and my mother stuck in a downright awful shithole owned by a really dodgy slumlord. This year was full of a conga line of traumatic events for me in general, most of which I can only barely recall but the biggest and most relevant one was when dear ol’ mom told her 10 year old son she’s overdosed on sleeping pills and will die soon, assuring me I’d be fine staying with my dad. Crying and finding said sleeping pills to throw them away and being too dumb to call an ambulance, I eventually managed to convince her that I need her and she told me she hadn’t really but was thinking about it and hugged me, I think.

The most screwed up part is I know my mother better now. She’s an extremely toxic person. It’s highly likely she wanted a narcissistic thrill out of seeing her son terrified and traumatized at the prospect of losing her. She did alot of shit like this to me and my older siblings growing up and I’m not even sure if this is the worst example. I used to be terrified of getting taken away by social services as a child because I knew even then she was an awful, awful mother but still loved her anyway so I was always far too scared to talk about what I was going through to anyone, even to friends. I used to just pretend to be a happy, normal kid in school. Honestly, I wish I acted out and told my teachers or something nowadays, it’d save me alot of therapy later in life. Just from the lack of isolation alone, actually getting taken away would’ve been a bonus.

Far more recently, I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts since I was about 15 when my depression started to become visibly apparent to people around me and I stopped functioning academically but have never really made an attempt. I’m honestly not sure why, there have been times I actively want to die. I’m, perhaps unsurprisingly, very religious and I don’t really feel like my life is mine to throw away so I just sort of keep on pushing forward on the assumption someday the reason I continue to breathe will become apparent. Or the way I live will kill me soon enough on it’s own, win-win?

I’m actually trying to seek help because I’m getting alot worse nowadays but in the UK you have to get referred a GP to get mental help from the NHS and um, I don’t have one. I haven’t seen a doctor in ages, part of being severely depressed is when there’s something wrong with me I don’t have enough energy to care. Getting a GP will take about a month so I’m thinking of going through A&E at the local hospital and asking to see a psychiatrist but I’m honestly worried they won’t take me too seriously and I’ll end up getting turned away. Which is silly I know, but I still feel that way and it’s hard to push through that.

“So you want to kill yourself but you’re not actually going to do it?”

“Well, you know, I might? I’d just rather see if there’s a way out of this pit I’m in first?”

“And you’re in A&E? You know you’re supposed to go through a GP, right?”

“Yes, I don’t have one. Whole part of the “I’ve completely stopped caring about myself entirely” thing.”

“You say you’ve stopped caring about yourself and yet you’re at a hospital.”

“…It took like months for me to do this and I’m only doing it because while I want to die and don’t care about myself, my conscious mind has usually recognized that as irrational.”

“Dude, be honest, are you just looking for drugs? If you’re honest I’ll get you a prescription. I’ve got better things to do.”

“This is literally why people self harm.”


#44

So… I was reading in this thread for quite a while now and I just wanted to say 2 things:

  1. I like the discussion culture in here. Even if things get heated, people are apologizing and you can see that it is a thread where people think before they speak. (most of the time :stuck_out_tongue: )
    So, just a big thumbs up from me. I have seen things getting really ugly when it comes to this topic.

  2. I think “Suicide doesn’t take the pain away, it just passes it onto someone else” is true and right, but also wrong. Or in other words, when it comes to this, there is no wrong or right / true or false. I always have the feeling that “Suicide doesn’t take the pain away, it just passes it onto someone else” is a simpler version of “Depression doesn’t end with suicide”. But as most things that get simplified, it sounds different when you read it. If someone you know would say it in your face, without any sign of making you feel guilty, maybe some people would feel different about it. Nonetheless do I hate the sound of it. It sounds like making you feel guilty, but in my humble opinion, I don’t think it’s what someone wants to tell you.

Of course there are people who mean it in the exact same way as stated in the first post, but still I don’t think the sentence was build around that feeling.

(And, as always, I’m a not an english native, so I’m really sorry if it sounds confusing or if the grammar is horrible)


#45

Suicide the looming ghost that whispers such sweet promises that bring only sorrow.


#46

Some people would say the same thing about ‘hope’…


#47

Sorry to revive a dead thread but I finally braved going into A&E last week. Expecting to get sectioned by the end of the night, I sheepishly told the receptionist I urgently need a mental health assessment. The emergency nurse came across as judgmental and honestly made me feel like I’m wasting the hospital’s time. She impatiently asked me what I’m doing there if I’m not immediately planning to commit suicide on that very day, don’t have any self-harm scars and I don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. I just sort of felt extremely uncomfortable and mumbled something I don’t even remember, honestly wondering at that moment if I am wasting their time with my bullshit.

Thankfully, as I was hoping the psychiatric nurse was far more sympathetic and friendly. I pretty much told her everything going on with me. After a few hours, they arranged an appointment with the hospital’s psychiatrist in just a week’s time. Which, while excellent, is also kind of distressing since that’s an exceptionally fast wait. (I didn’t even mention my childhood or mother to them!) Even the nurses said so. I’ve heard of horror stories of the NHS just throwing antidepressants at people and telling them a psychiatrist will be available next year.

It’ll be tomorrow, I’m extremely nervous honestly. Still expecting an inevitable sectioning. I’ve also actually gotten around to getting a GP and I’ll be seeing a doctor for the first time in a very long time tomorrow too. Very nervous about that.


#48

I hope everything turns out well for you. And congratulation for beeing so brave to seek help.


#49

It only took me eight years. :joy:

(For the benefit of others in the same boat: I’m being harmlessly self-deprecating. Get help, don’t feel ashamed about anything!)


#50

in my experience , seeking help isn’t an issue…cough unless you suffer from paranoia like mehcough

But finding suitable help , is really hard . And it cost alot…

and well…not everyone has the funds for a long term help either .

homewhever , if you can…don’t wait and do it .


#51

Pretty much me.


#52

you and meh at that :joy:


#53

The NHS has been remarkably quick for me of late too and I was just getting some digestive tract issues looked at to see where I need to start applying fixes, so I’d try not to let that particular detail freak you out.

Some brief googling suggests https://www.mind.org.uk/ might have other useful resources you can call on.


#54

Hm I never thought that money could be a matter in such cases, I guess I´m just to used to our health insurance system. Here in Germany it´s really more a problem of going to admit that you need help, oh and waiting for appointment can take a while .


#55

here in canada , health care is free . If you have the flu , you go in and present your red card and TADAM! its done . All free .

But mental health care is NOT free . And I dare say , it’s very crappy .

A friend of mine tried to commit suicide , and all they did is put her under observation for a few days before releasing her . They did the same to me and I tried to kill myself 3 times . They signed my papers…and let me go the next day…like I went there for a simple check up .

The health card , cover your teeth , glasses and any health issue . But does not cover a therapist . And finding one is NOT easy .

I personally…due to the cost…had to give up…and the therapist I found was weird…telling me she can ‘cure’ meh…yeah right…


#56

I’d probably go in to see a therapist about my depression but problem is, I live in America so no free health insurance. I’m not going to be putting in money just to be talking to a professional that’s just going to prescribe some medication that turns me into a zombie on the inside. Many people that I personally know in real life already knows that I’m having issues with depression and being somewhat suicidal. This stuff isn’t gonna go away any time soon and I’ve been struggling with it for about a decade now. I’ll be 25 next month so… Just another day that I’m trying to get through then it’ll be enough for me.