Streets of Treslan: A Stab In The Dark - "Psuedo-Cyberpunk" High Fantasy [Updated 4/3/19]

science-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#21

Blargh, finally got some time to review this demo. Currently, it’s off to a great start! I remember when you posted your ideas to the interest thread and I’m currently hyped!

Here’s some typos, punctuation and word/flow changes I found/would recommend (bold means changes):

Typos

Disoriented and half-asleep, you blearily shake yourself awake and sit up, breathing heavily

Punctuation
  • Hordes of mindless undead stagger and shamble; dive and swoop; scrabble and gallop; and tear mercilessly into the living under their forms.

  • He did it… the madman did it.

  • Honestly? I was gaming, and before I knew it, I ended up pulling an all-nighter.

  • Therianthropes, or werebeasts, are afflicted with a magical disease - whether by choice, bloodline or infection - that connects them to a type of beast.

Personal Word Choice/Flow
  • The dim light bathes your room in a bluish tint, betraying the unearthly hour you’ve found yourself awake at.

  • Still squinting, eyes overtaken by sleep, you stagger your way to the window of your apartment.

  • A squadron of Enforcers fire blindly and frantically into the encroaching horde, and are swiftly dispersed by a skeletal chimera’s lunge.

  • You hear clacking footsteps, speedily edging towards you bit by bit.

  • It’s already 4 PM - Damn. You suppose this is the price you pay for sleeping late last night.

Also, quick question: So birdmen can change into other species? For example, if I choose a mammal therianthrope, I can also be a birdman as well?

Anyways, great start and I can’t wait to see more! :grin:


#22

Yes! I was the 666th demo link!

pumps fist :japanese_goblin:

Intriguing start. The variety of options were awesome and the writing is very good! Looking forward to more.


#23

Thanks so much! I’ll be making most of those changes later. And yep! Birdmen are a “true” species and just as able to become therianthropes.


#24

I am getting some shadowrun vibes from this.


#25

Update!
The actual story still has yet to begin… but the stats screen now has an abilities list and character creation is basically complete.
Chapter 2 will be coming Soon :tm:


#26

image
Computer machine :b:roke.
It’s going to be a while until the next update :pensive:


#27

Update, finally!
I’ve reconstructed the game entirely, added coverart by my talented godsend of a friend oldchalk, and overhauled gender and beast form selection in the process. I’m not quite up to where I left off last time, but I’ll hopefully get there soon.


#28


#30

Should be fixed now, but there isn’t really anything past that point anyway. Thanks for the alert.


#31

aaa really interested to see where this goes!! ty for such a wide range of gender options btw not many cog writers do that :]


#32

Thanks! I initially didn’t have as many options as I would’ve liked but since I had to reconstruct the book anyway I decided I might as well go for it, and I’m glad it’s appreciated! :purple_heart:


#33

image


#34

Sweet I can play as Lolth


#35

:spider::spider::spider:


#36

Ooh, it’s short, but this seems promising. Good luck, I’m looking forward to it! Also, that’s a pretty sweet coverart. Very nice!

I like the variety of options too, but dwarves :heart: :stuck_out_tongue:

Edit: Also, obligatory question! I can’t believe no one has asked yet, but will there be ROs? :smile:


#37

Does being a vampire effect your lifespan in the Treslan universe?


#38

Vampires age a lot slower, yep. I haven’t really stopped to consider the magnitude of the effect, though; I’ll get back to you with specifics eventually.

EDIT: Also worth noting that this game and its potential sequels only span a few months each so that won’t exactly come into play for your character.


#39

I was just curious from a world building standpoint. Thanks for the answer!


#40

So the dreamspeakers are basically mind flayers right?


#41

Yeah, basically.