I love so many of these creative decisions you have made when it comes to lore and backstory, among other things-- it’s what makes this such a unique story. (Besides the obvious, you know, characters I would walk on legos for. Yes, I know Ramiel has wings and doesn’t NEED me to carry him over the legos, he just deserves nice things )
Ikr man the details are insane in this story , plus the complexity of our Mc’s character as well , how you can give mc personality to your liking and it will be relevant!! It so rare in CoG , HG games.
I’ve following this since 2019 and decided it’s finally time to leave a comment! For context, I’ve been on the forums for a year and this was the second WIP I ever read. During the beginning of my time here, I was always very anxious leaving comments for authors, worried I’d be clogging up the thread or accidentally annoying them. Over time, however, I’ve come to realize that authors value any (constructive) feedback and are usually happy just to see people interested in their work.
Grammar/spelling/etc. errors
Here are some of the errors I found. Let me know if you want the specific path.
Angel Blade: How proficient you are with your chosen Angel Blade, which manifests as staff. a long staff. → manifests as a long staff.
Suave or Intimidating? You might be quite silver-tongued, but people usually appreciate your attempts. → might not be quite silver tongued
idly checking on where you estimate the front offensive line to be forming. I feel like this is more likely to create problems than solve them, Israfel says. Oh? you ask, idly
You may want to delete one of those idlys. I have a habit of doing the same thing and I find it messes with the reading flow.
The amount of demons who wear armor is startling low → startlingly low
The pronouns on this screen are for your angel form. Currently you are addressed as he/him. Change your pronouns to male / Return to stat screen → they/them
“And there is my point proven. I’m not entirely sure what you want, but you if you approach everything with as much… inelegance… as that, it’s no wonder that you are a Guardian. No one would be able to tolerate that behavior in Heaven.” → Delete one you
"I have no desire to be in Heaven, thank you very much. I happen to like humans more, as your behavior has so wonderfully illustrated why I dislike most angels. Now if we can move along before you try to fish for anymore information, I’d be obliged.() → Missing quotation. I feel a little petty pointing out something so small, but it’s confusing to readers as they associate all the following text as part of the quote without the signal that it’s over.
Then he is gone, striding from the room with purpose before you manage any kind of response () → Missing period.
“Daniel, I need to borrow Gabriel. They needs to go get their mortal shell, which means they will look different when you meet again.” → They need
Hamartia: The term many Fallen use to refer to their corrupted Grace. Heavenly Host: The entirety of the angels of heaven’s power condensed into a large body. Often thought to be more attuned to the Heavenly Spirit aspect, it acts as a sort of Parliamentary ruling body over the different realms within Heaven. → split apart the paragraphs
While human believe they are associated with lust, incubi are associated with all sins and are responsible for all demonic contracts. → humans
“And the relevance of this when it is for administrative purposes?” → And what is
You were in love with Ramiel when he was your fellow archangel. You can’t remember if you confessed your feelings to him. Lucifer: Lucifer seems to like you, for some unknown reason. Whatever it is, it’s good to have someone as powerful as him on your side. → split the paragraphs
“You’re wrong,” Leochlan. → Leochlan says
“I live with the one, so I’m well aware,” → with one
somehow, somehow this won’t be true of your offspring → probably somehow, someway but it might not be an error
The Elohim flinch, cringing away from the doorway and crowding together as much as they can without leaving their post. → flinches
not quite ready to part with my the details of my past." → double mys
Or whatever passes for apologies among the fae. You owe one more answer to one last question of hi.-> his
“I think I could come to enjoy being in the company of Gabriel, whoever they is, however you might like to spend that time.” → they are
Commentary/questions
Apologies if any of the questions have been asked before. I’ve been through all 2000+ plus comments twice (the second time to bookmark some of the longer asks posted here), so I’m pretty sure none of the forum questions you answered would have slipped through. However, my computer and tumblr get along like two wet cats in a bag, meaning that some of my questions may have been answered there already.
Having someone read your emotions when even Ramiel is oblivious to them is a bit unsettling. A very similar, if not identical line is said by Lyana when you chose to be excited for Ramiel’s children. You might want to want change Leochlan’s line to reflect that.
When you leave the Fae village once discovering why Ramiel brought you there (thus angrily confessing to him, if you have feelings for him), the stat screen still says “you can’t remember if you confessed or not”.
You wonder if it has to do with the rumor, completely unsubstantiated, that you dipped your wings in molten metal and they will cut any who get too close.
If you dipped your wings in metal, wouldn’t the weight make you unable to fly? Who started this crazy rumor? Also, what angels run Heaven’s rumor mill in general?
Right, because dashing heroes cast darkness and then sneak out in the confusion. Remind me after this I am going to go through your collection of human books and throw most of them out. You are picking up some truly terrible habits.
What books are Gabriel reading? Is it up to reader headcanon? Dashing hero and witty repartee could speak to action schlock, but it could also be romance, fantasy, and a number of other things depending on the book.
Israfel says this: You are inspiring, I’ll admit, Israfel concedes grudgingly. Don’t let it go to your head, however. One overinflated ego is more than enough.
But then he also says this: "I’ve had enough of you two fighting over senseless arguments," Israfel says, eyes flashing. He jabs a finger at the window. "This is not about either of you or your egos, both of which could stand to be pruned. It is about that poor child in there."
What gives, Israfel?
What do angels do to maintain their wings? Is it something that’s done mostly alone, or do angels have social grooming rituals, like many birds? Wing oil is mentioned a couple times, but not its uses/variations.
How tall is Gabriel’s angelic form? Is there a set height or is it just “same height as Auriel, taller than Michael?”
Comments about Israfel’s reputation for gentleness and Michael’s apparent position as Heaven’s golden boy made me curious. What are the general reputations of the other archangels and Sabriel in Heaven? What did they do to earn them?
So far, Ramiel is the only person that Gabriel can select how they feel about directly. I was wondering how setting your relationships with other people work. By which I mean, will there eventually be something similar with other characters, or will relationships with them be set more through interactions over time (flirt, be friendly, act antagonistic)?
Spoilery question I know I won’t get more than a cryptic hint of an answer to: how did the person/people manipulating Michael earn his trust?
Description of the Gabriel I'm using for my first playthrough (others to come, maybe?)
Gabriel
Angelic Gender: Genderfluid (uses he/him or they/them pronouns)
Angelic Sex Characteristics: Neutral
Angel Blade: Staff
His human form is 5’10, with short brown hair, blue eyes, and an athletic body. Gabriel reluctantly chose these options only after questioning Sabriel every step of the way, much to her irritation.
Stats
Gabriel’s empathy makes him well-suited to healing and some more emotionally delicate situations, but he still has much learn about others. Nevertheless, he manages to be extremely dense when it comes to matters of the heart.
Along with his staff, his greatest offensive weapon is his precise use of Grace, honed by millennia of practice that make him a worthy force on the battlefield.
With an Angel Blade that isn’t particularly impressive to many and a stoic manner which makes him seem unapproachable to some, Gabriel isn’t seen as a force of leadership, but his empathy grants him an insight into others that helps him know how to guide them best.
His agility, might, and resolve are all average for an archangel, not remarkably bad nor remarkably good. His agility is the highest, his might is roughly between his agility and resolve, and his resolve is the weakest of his average stats.
Out of all his strengths, his strength, well, isn’t one of them. Unable to withstand strong blows nor strike particularly hard physically, this is one of Gabriel’s primary weaknesses, one he mainly tries to compensate for with his Grace (with varying levels of success).
He also lacks ingenuity, much to his chagrin as a tactician. Gabriel considers this his worst flaw on the battlefield and worries that his tried-and-true strategies may eventually meet an enemy wholly wise to their tricks.
Traits
Gabriel prefers to spare his enemies whenever possible, rarely taking more ruthless approaches if he considers it all avoidable. Most of this stems from his empathetic view towards others.
His approach towards dealings with people leans towards charm over intimidation, a quality that combined with his stoicism many find odd. His silver tongue has been known to be effective at least some of the time, though.
A subtle approach suits Gabriel better than bluntness most of the time, a quality that Gabriel believes is better for their tactics.
Although Gabriel’s nature lends him to stoicism, his life experiences have led him to lean farther into it, pushing away emotional displays more and more after Ramiel’s fall. He is known to show emotion (mainly towards his nestmates) on occassion, however.
Gabriel’s honest nature leads others to trust him, but it sometimes hinders more than serves him. His unerring devotion to the truth is something he simultaneously holds pride in and suffers regret from due to the outcome of Ramiel’s trial.
Schemes and tactics are a bit of a talent of Gabriel’s. At once, this often leads him to be able to execute battlefield tactics that wouldn’t be possible to improvise, and also leads him to struggle to think on the spot.
Loyalties
Gabriel is loyal to Heaven and can’t envision ever turning against it. However, his pure, untainted devotion has been sullied by what he views as serious flaws in Heaven’s running, as well as God’s silence. His AROF stamp only complicates things further.
Relationships
Israfel: Gabriel views them as close and Israfel seems to return the sentiment. They have always been very close nestmates. Currently Gabriel views him as a close friend, though he may someday come to view him somewhat like a human family member as he becomes more familiar with their society.
Daniel: Gabriel’s calm, empathetic manner helped endear him to Daniel. Despite getting off to a good start, Gabriel worries about his ability to look after Daniel and wouldn’t want to be his Guardian if not for God’s order.
Lucifer: Currently Gabriel is indifferent towards Lucifer, if grateful towards him for saving his life once upon a time. When he finds out about the connection between the two of them, he’s willing to establish a relationship, albeit a cautious one.
Michael: Gabriel has complicated feelings regarding Michael, as showcased by their infamous fights. Nonetheless he manages to have a rather annoying crush on him he’s spent millennia trying to be rid of. He has a tentative desire to try to repair their relationship, though he’s unsure how to do so on Earth.
Ramiel: Once, Gabriel was in love with him. His Fall was one of the defining moments of Gabriel’s life, and it still causes him pain even now. Whatever their relationship may become next, Gabriel is unsure.
Other character relationships to come once Gabriel meets them, as I don’t think I can get a feel for what they might be without meeting them.
I appreciate the feedback! It is very helpful, though I hope you didn’t spend to long on it as, especially as these scenes are mostly in their first draft, a lot of the content is subject to change and I would hate to waste the effort you went to.
RE: Grammar (and thank you again for this!)
I left it as “I live with the one” as Lyana is gesturing to the two posturing males. It is a specific one, not a general.
Somehow, somehow–the second somehow was missing the intended emphasis (done through italics)
*The Elohim flinch–there’s multiple Elohim. Not a single one. Elohim is both plural and singular.
The fun of playing an older version than what I’m working on, the my one has been caught before XD, as well as the his. I don’t recall fixing them but I they aren’t currently issues in the one I’m working on
RE: Commentary
Please don’t worry about it! There’s a lot of information out there, and I’m in awe you read all the posts. (And a lot of it is on tumblr, but I am more than happy to share answers here too!)
It may be a version control thing, since the demo is not the same as what I’m working on, but there is only one instance of the word unsettling in the entire fae scene. I’ve repasted the entire section of Lyana’s response for being excited for the children below and there’s only one use of the word unsettling.
Fixed now! It assigned the current status rather than the past one x_x
Metal flying wings are hardly the strangest things angels have encountered. There are creatures who feathers are like sharp blades. Most rumors can be traced back to Sarethiel at some point, and yes, they have fun with them. Heaven can have terrible gossips.
No specific books will be mentioned that exist in our world as far as fiction/casual literature. This is up to the player’s imagination.
Israfel is tired. Yes, Gabriel is his favorite sibling, but he is currently short on patience and while he considers you better than Michael, he’s not about to sit by for another argument. And Gabriel is going to need to live life as a human, which means that mc needs to be humble and learn how not to act like a powerful archangel.
It is extremely difficult to groom wings alone. It is considered a social activity, done with nestmates or angels whom you have a close attachment with (can be romantic). I recommend looking up the uropygial gland in birds if you’re curious about more of why I bring up wing oil. Angels don’t have a uropygial gland so they need to apply oil for the health of their feathers.
Gabriel’s archangel form is 6’ 4".
A whole bunch of information below on archangels and their titles. Sabriel’s isn’t something Gabriel would necessarily be aware of–her being offered the position of archangel isn’t common knowledge because the audacity of refusing such a position is not to be commended. Auriel doesn’t like gossip about her nestmate either, so there’s little as far as an ‘official’ reputation in Heaven. Unofficially, Sabriel is fiercely protective of her charges and not someone you want to cross blades with.
Archangel Titles
Every archangel is referred to as Legati. That’s the title associated with their position. However, archangels may earn titles through their deeds. Some of the titles get reused (such as the Left and Right hand of God) but in general they are specific to the angel who bears it. Most titles are given based on feats, and thus unique to the individual. Archangels are not supposed to have a high turnover rate either, meaning that they don’t anticipate having to reuse titles or award new ones. For the most part archangels are treated as a constant, a position without end. There was no previous Wrath of God or Defender of Faith.
Gabriel is the Wrath of God, and the Left Hand of God.The Left Hand is the punishing hand, the forceful one and the war leader (Gabriel). Wrath is spoilers.
Michael is the Defender of Faith, and the Right Hand of God. Michael, as the Right Hand of God, is the more open palm, the poster boy. The Defender of Faith is given to him in concordance with his other title. He protects Heaven and the faithful, the counterpart to the Wrath of God.
Israfel is the Arbiter and the Grace of God. Israfel is the most diplomatic of archangels, the one who is sent to parlay and negotiate with others. His healing skills have also garnered him the title of the Grace of God, for when he walks among the sick and dying, the are restored, ‘by God’s Grace.’
Sarethiel is most often called as the Keeper of Secrets. They are also referred to as the Silencer, but never to their face. Sarethiel is an enigma who has delved deeply into how Heaven works. Because of their mysterious behavior and knowledge of most secrets, they have the title the Keeper of Secrets. Their second title, the Silencer, refers to the fact that those who speak ill of Heaven often disappear or go quiet after a visit from Sarethiel.
Hanael is the Herald of Heaven. As the youngest archangel, she doesn’t have a lot of feats to her name. She is loud and boisterous in her piety, and she inspires others and is often given the task of delivering news–hence she is the Herald of Heaven.
Auriel is the Flaming Sword and the Redeemer. Auriel likes to use Holy Fire on her Angel Blade, and it’s become a trademark of hers. She is also called the Redeemer because she once turned the tide of a battle by convincing a Fallen to remember where they came from. The Fallen was killed, but the title stuck.
Raphael is the Guardian of the Gates and the Voice of God. Raphael will often convey God’s word to others, working more in Heaven than elsewhere. As the archangel most often in Heaven, Raphael is also considered the last defense, the archangel who will meet any oppositional force at the gates.
Ramiel was the Guide and the Eyes of God. He would help guide younger angels and souls entering Heaven. As he often went to earth, more so than any other archangels, he was viewed as God’s eyes on earth, letting God see what was occurring.
The key with Ramiel is that the feelings are being set in the past. This is not how current Gabriel necessarily feels about him, but how they did once upon a time. Other relationships, and even Ramiel in the current time, will be built up through interactions (Michael and Lucifer being more of an exception). However, because there is not an extended portion leading up to the fae scene, a more abrupt method is chosen with the bulk of the feelings build-up, or lack there-of, being left to the player’s imagination.
Yeah, I won’t be saying much on this one because it is super spoilery. Suffice to say that he’s known the person/people since he was a cherub, and Heaven as an institution encourages trust and obedience to your ‘betters.’
It took a while, but it was mostly me going through, testing different paths, and looking for grammar mistakes or things that spurred questions, and assuring myself things that might not be mistakes were still things I should point out, just in case. I’m actually glad to see that a lot of my theories about your intentions were correct! So not a ton of effort overall but a fair amount of time. Don’t worry, I had loads of fun testing all the routes, though. Especially the Angel Blade scenes - changing based on Angel Blade and approach really helped immerse me in the world.
Three things I noticed after I wrote my previous comment, and one question about development:
Warnings for violence, some sexual situations, alcohol and drug references. Intended for mature audiences(,)-> should be a period (yes, this is really small, I’m sorry)
When setting romantic orientation, the choice have mismatched pronouns: You might be interested in someone / I might be interested in a romance with a man / I might be interested in a romance with a man or woman
Something I noticed
I’d never actually tried dancing with either Fae before, because my Gabriel wasn’t interested in sleeping with either so dancing with them felt like leading them on. However, I decided I’d test out those routes, because I wanted to see if I could find out more about them/Fae culture. Still not interested in a fling, I went through their dancing/tent routes and then rejected them and through doing so found this: “If it makes you feel better, I’m just generally not attracted to women,” you state, trying to ease the blow to her substantial ego. “I am not just some mere woman,” the fae huffs, sounding more childish than you expected of a chieftain. Earlier I’d chosen “I’m not really interested in sex” and “Might be interested in a romance with someone”. There’s three reasons I could have gotten this response: 1) the code mistakenly set my orientation as if I’d selected “might be interested in romance with a man” 2) Gabriel is trying to minimize Laniwynn’s hurt feelings for their own safety with a lie - it’s not her, it’s women in general (could intersect with one) 3) The game treats interest in Ramiel as indicating leaning towards men if Gabriel is attracted to multiple genders. In which case, I think it’d be better to try to soothe Laniwynn another way (although I don’t think I’ll suggest anything just yet since I don’t have confirmation this is the correct theory).
EDIT: I’ve been thinking, and these descriptions are overly detailed and present alpha testing as an option when I believe that already would have been implemented if that were the plan.
So I guess the question boils down to are you going to post the whole game (or close to it) on the forum, as some other big, complicated games have in the past, or are you going to end the demo somewhere as (most?) games seem to do?
Finally, thanks for the worldbuilding details, I really enjoyed them!
Hey, the story is really interesting and the idea of coexistence of gods of different religion is really fun to read. The thing is, I saw your “At some point” in your post and was curious whether the present day story happens after the whole MC character background and stuff or will the past events be explained in between the present day events?
Ahem… if the first post is anything to go by, it appears the last time the demo was updated was sometime mid-2018 (unless this is one of those situations where the author couldn’t edit their post anymore and the update got lost in the thread).
Dae-Kalina is more or less active around here but for the past year or so all of their posts have been limited to answering questions, posting lore and patching up minor issues. Alas, nothing major or concrete per se. No progress reports either AFAIK. We’re not allowed to ask for a release date nor pressure the author in any way, no matter how long the game has been without an update. At this point, all we can do is wait until it’s ready or until they make an announcement of some sort…
I have to say, I just checked this game today and I am impressed not just at the amount of customization, but how the game actually reacts to choices you made, even if in a minor way.
This looks extremely promising.
Author is editing and making some changes to the whole segment from beginning to the end of current demo , to make it easier to transition in future storyline.
)
Who started this crazy rumor? Also, what angels run Heaven’s rumor mill in general?
