SoS: The Mortal Coil (WIP)

I’m not going to lie, I shrieked like the fan girl I was when I saw this got an update, and I got to admit I’m really excited for it. I mean characters already are starting to get a distinct feel to them, event he kid already has the outlines for being their own person, and that is something I enjoy about your writing style. I’m going to be sitting on the edge of my seat for the rest of the week looking out for possible more updates. (Thank you for giving me a distraction from finals.)

Firstly, let me just say that this game is awesome and I can’t wait to see more of it. I particularly liked the interaction with Lucifer, as he managed to come off as compelling and charismatic with barely a scene’s worth of dialogue to work with.

Now onto the typos and questions.

As for typos, I’ve only found one so far, “While most of your fellow angels seemed to clumsily jab their spears in their attempts to would the enemy”.

As for questions, so far Michael has come across as a humourless, stuck-up egotistical prick. Is he meant to to embody everything wrong with Heaven, or have we just not seen enough of him to get the whole picture?

@Zilla
Thanks!

@Lithophene
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the detail, since that is currently taking the most time to implement (but I wanted the weapon choices to feel validated which it seems is coming across!)

Sort of spoiler… not really… but yes, the kid is Daniel. You can actually ask his name at some point! Once I get to updating that point in the story…

Oh, and the way the gauntlet path when you choose to lead came out is 100% your fault. The characters took it and ran.

@AngelOfTheBroken
Good luck with finals! (I’m using this to procrastinate on my studying for my finals this week -_-). And here’s another little mini update to further distract you.

@silent15
Thanks! I’m really pleased with how people are responding to Lucifer’s scene… shame we won’t see him again for some time.

Got the typo! (Pesky typos…)

And as for Michael… A couple basic things first. This is written from the point of view of Gabriel, and as such Gabriel is prone to be an unreliable narrator. Also, Michael is initially acting as a foil for Gabriel, so more of his negative traits are being emphasized. However, I can promise that we have not seen the whole picture of Michael. He is rather humourless, and really dislikes humans, but there is more to him than the prick that is described. We just won’t really be seeing those other sides to him for a while… about the same amount of time until we see Lucifer actually. If you want a more spoiler-y explanation of Michael, I would be happy to oblige. This isn’t the spoiler-y explanation, but I will say that Michael actually cares a great deal about Gabriel.


A note on the next series of updates; most of these will be breadth rather than depth updates. I just added over another 4k words but I haven’t increased the depth of the story, so if you’re wanting significant new progress as far as base storyline, it’ll be a bit (but I will let you know when it occurs, and I am trying to work on that while finishing the breadth options).

Personal curiosity leads me to ask what weapons people are choosing to play with and how they feel that they are being handled (even though I only have two of the approaches available at the moment>.>)

I’m also curious if you find the different interactions/anecdotes you receive with different weapon and approach combinations interesting or frustrating or another emotion/description. (I’m trying to make replaying the game more than I chose weapon A the first time, and this time I chose weapon B so every fight says weapon B instead of weapon A.)

And last question for the moment: how are page lengths? I am simply awful at finding places that I feel would be a good place for a page break and subsequently there are some kind of long pages. Is this working for people? Or would you really like some more page breaks? (And if you would, and happen to notice some good spots for page breaks, please help a writer out and let me know :innocent:)

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Haha, really? :joy: Well, I’m glad for that 'cause if I’d had the choice available, I definitely would’ve had my Gabriel lead the charge! I kinda snickered at the idea of my Gabriel sneaking around the battlefield 'cause… well, one, he’s got those bright golden wings which are great for drawing attention in the battlefield but not so great for subterfuge, and two, my Gabriel just… does not have the tact to play the role of an assassin with his gauntlets.

Personally, in my mind’s eyes, I see my Gabriel soaring up into the sky at the start of battle and just wrapping himself in his wings before essentially divebombing right into the middle of the enemies like a falling meteor. It’d be big, flashy, and would put him right in the heat of battle where he likes it. I can’t wait to see what you have in store though. :kissing_heart:

Edit: Oh! I hadn’t noticed that there was a mini update unlocking that choice! I love it. It fits so well with my Gabriel, haha, just grinning toothily at everyone after they give him some stares for wanting to just go in and clobber everyone with his hands. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. :blush:

Edit 2: Woops, almost forgot, but it looks like one of the mental communications bits cuts off italicizing early. Here’s a screenshot. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be italicized up to “millennia of practice”, yeah? Also, not sure if that “if” should be there.

So, in the case of Daniel… Does he have some kind of… aura around him that masks his presence? I just found it a li’l curious that apparently Michael and co. couldn’t contact you once you reached him. I might just be reaching, but I’m suspecting Daniel does have that if only to keep him hidden and its effect just happens to rub off on Gabriel too.[quote=“Dae-kalina, post:168, topic:15298”]
Personal curiosity leads me to ask what weapons people are choosing to play with and how they feel that they are being handled (even though I only have two of the approaches available at the moment>.>)
[/quote]

You already know my answer to that. :joy:

So far, I haven’t noticed anything iffy! I’d say they’re at good lengths for now - not too short yet not too long.

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I like the axe to be honest. The thought of demons running from an angel carrying an axe while being said angel is covered in blood amuses me.

I’ll stick to the staff on my playthrough though. At least the first one.

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I picked a rapier, cause it seemed the best fit for my quick and agile Gabriel.

I’m sure I will retroactively give Michael lots of reasons to be upset at me once the flashback scenes get added…

I think I found a continuity error: After finishing preparing for battle, Gabriel steps off the roof and flies toward the docks, then after the conversation with Israfel she steps off the roof again. Did I miss something in between?

Also another case of italics cutting off in the middle of a sentence: screenshot

I like how the current demo ends with making a child cry. Doesn’t make me feel like a very good angle…

I now am imagining Cupid chasing the demons from the Disney Hercules with a giant battleaxe.

I also find I prefer the staff.

Good luck on yours! I’m always looking for an excuse to procrastinate, you just give me a rather good one~

It doesn’t seem as if the rapier is good for anything yet, yes it describes it’s use and I did pick it according to my traits but so far it hasn’t seen much action… (Btw I am glad that you added the rapier, it’s always been my favorite weapon :slight_smile: )

@Lithophene
Well, there’s no divebombing, but I’m glad you like how it came out (I actually cut that route short; I’m trying to keep all the different options around the same word length).

And I think I’ve fixed all the italicizing issues (I keep forgetting that line breaks end the formatting even without the end tag) and removed that if.

No, Daniel doesn’t have a null aura–there are individuals whose aura’s/innate power mask other magic/auras but Daniel does not have that particular power set. Michael and co. are able to contact Gabriel but Gabriel essentially has them all on ignore. As an archangel Gabriel can shut down their connection to other angels, and Gabriel does not feel like dealing with Michael at the moment (or Israfel, but that’s not personal). Gabriel is trying to focus on the child at the moment. To keep Daniel hidden they use wards and charms… more of that will pop up after we meet Sabriel. Sabriel explains a lot of stuff to a lot of people.

@KuraiHeka
There will certainly be the opportunity to give Michael just cause to be upset with you.

I don’t think it’s a continuity error. You start on a roof, select your wings/weapon and the drop off the roof. Then you pause on another roof after Israfel contacts you and before you choose your battle approach–I think this is maybe the one line that you missed? Then you should drop off the roof after choosing your approach. (I could be mistaken though; it wouldn’t be the first continuity error I’ve made, but I was trying to be careful about this one. Most of my continuity errors stem from the fact that angels don’t just stay on the ground like normal people.)
And I should have fixed all the italic issues.

Hey… technically it’s not Gabriel’s fault… But there’s quiet a bit of crying child in that scene. Poor kid is a bit traumatized by the demons murdering his mother in front of him.

@FudsyWoiffles
I do like the rapier, but the issue with the rapier in this particular scene is that the rapier is primarily a dueling weapon. It isn’t as good in a large melee battle, but it will be better if you later want to challenge individuals to one-on-one fights.

And none of the weapons actually see any blood in this scene…


Thanks for the feedback on the weapons! Please continue to drop a note (especially those of you who have yet to tell me your preference) as to the development of weapons.

Thanks as well for the feedback on errors, like the italicizing and continuity and whatnot. In an effort to get these up faster I’m not spending quiet as much time proofreading so it really helps when you point out this stuff. That and my brain is at least partially fried right now. There’s an update with fixes for the aforementioned errors. (But nothing new, otherwise.)

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I have a habit of playing sneaky, stealthy characters when I get the chance. Thus, my choice of a dagger. Others may laugh, but it is true that it doesn’t matter when the enemy doesn’t see me coming.

In other words: stealth dagger route is fun.

Stealth gauntlet is fun.

All the other angels are like: “Dude, your HANDS get this weird color!”

And Gabriel’s just like: “Nah, it’s le Cestus that gets bloody. Check yoself.”

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I love being an Archangel in this game, its incredible. My favourite especially is using the sword and shield; makes me think of a kind of Wonder Woman vibe when I’m crushin’ demons.

If I’m describing her ideal persona, my Gabriel’s going to be cold and somewhat distant and detached in personality, but also respectful to others, an incredible fighter and a born leader that everyone looks up to and respects despite her somewhat austere nature.

Yeah…that’s going to be good.

And also for some reason I can just picture her and Loki being deeply in love with each other but neither of them know they love the other because they have a hate/can-only-just-stand-you relationship. Probably not how it’s going to go down, but that’s just what I have in my head until you code otherwise.

I love all of this.

Um, I don’t really know how to quote but i’m sure someone will tell me.

Anyways, my Gabriel uses the morning star, because he/she (Gabriel both) idolizes Lucifer. But still tries to be merciful despite the dangerous weapon.

I really love this wip, its got to be one of my favorites.
I usually just lurk around on the forums liking posts but i really just wanted to say how much i enjoy your writing it really pulls me into the story and i really like the character interactions so far, i can see my Gabriel’s all being very protective of Daniel already.
I have 3 main Gabriel’s so far(more due to the fact i can only save 3).

1st is Male, Gold wings and uses the double bladed battle axe, i imagine him wanting the attention to be on him in during battle’s.(i chose the Battle axe due to the fact that i have a Angel oc that uses a large two handed battle axe, so when i play this route i shall picture my oc)

2nd is Female, Silver wings Gauntlets, she likes to get up close and personal, relaying on her wits and speed to get her out of trouble, i can see her being a bit of a lone wolf since she doesn’t want others to get her way

3rd is Male, Gray wings and uses the morning-star, he chose that for two reasons, 1. he admires Lucifer, 2. it allows him to keep a hand free to fight with his grace.

i did try out the other weapons(partly because i want to see the different interactions with Israfel((he’s my favorite character so far)), out of the other weapons i would pick a rapier.
sorry if this is a bit of a long somewhat rambling comment :slight_smile:

My first Gabriel is female, gold wings, rapier, initially known for the raw might of her grace (defensive focus). Paragade in spirit. :stuck_out_tongue:

I really liked how protective we are of, at the point in the demo, a random human child. Retribution came swift and with no mercy. :slight_smile:

You know, for a moment I thought you were talking about a Whip. As in, a whip as a weapon.

And now I really want my Gabriel to have a whip, Belmont style.

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So, out of curiousity @Dae-kalina, will it ever be possible to… ‘evolve’ our angel blades further? I mostly ask this because I just tried out the staff and I was hoping to have the option to choose whether it was bladed or not. :cold_sweat: I kinda figure something like that will happen if our Gabriel happens to Fall.

Okay, so this is about the fifth time I’ve played through this demo. I think I might have an unhealthy obsession with it. <;(°∆°);>

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Only five? I think most of us are somewhere between 20-30 (i’m only teasing of course, I have no idea how much others have read this)

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