SoS: The Mortal Coil (WIP)

First and foremost, great work and a demo that leaves you craving for more!

I like how you present your take on things in the narrative and since it is based in religion, you pull it off very well without poking fun at religion while keeping in form to the story your are about tell (you spin on things? XD), without stepping on any toes is no small feat.

As for the fading bit, I find it well done and done correctly for dramatic purposes, this is a first for me, so again kudos! You as an author have very few tricks you can use (besides the story itself to pull a reader in), and when done in the right manner and done sparingly, it can add to the depth of the story.

All in all a great start to CYOA game, and I am eagerly awaiting more!

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The premise sounds cool. Love the idea that we can end up corrupted ourselves, not just failing to save the Son of Satan.

I really like this demo so far, and looking forward to see more. :smiley:

I have a couple of questions.

  • It seems like the story will jump in time periods (maybe as flashbacks), is that correct?
  • From what I understood then the MC’s mortal form have wings, will we get some way to conceal them magically or something (or outright removed)? Since I doubt six-winged people are the norm on Earth, in your game.
  • How old is Daniel and what will he be, some kind of human/demon/angel mix?
  • Is it the norm that archangels (or angels in general) or more on the stoic/not emoting like humans side?
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@Dae-kalina This is truly intruging and I really like it so far! However i would like to ask If Lucifer is a RO and If so gay, bi or straith?

My main MC Gabriel is:

Basic Character Information:
Angelic Gender: Male
Manifested Weapon: Rapier
Wing Color: Silver
Agility: 28%

Character Traits:
Merciful: 50%Ruthless: 50%
Persuasion: 60%Intimidation: 40%
Subtle: 50%Blunt: 50%
Emotional: 45%Stoic: 55%
Candid: 55%Deceptive: 45%
Improvise: 55%Strategize: 45%

Also i love The silver wings :laughing:

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This Reminds me a bit about Playing as Genie in Israel under david. That game was awesome even if unfinished. Can i betatest this pretty please ? i can write resume i even betatested few games for choice of games.

Also you might Want to rename either Might or Strenght it seemed to me as someone for whom english isnt first language as same stat. atleast until i spend a while looking at it. This might be disorienting.

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@Ventura First, thanks for playing the demo.
Great questions!

Yes, the story has jumps in time, at least until the half-way point. The first half of the story spans 13 years in the present, but there are multiple flashbacks. Currently there are five major flashbacks, not counting the prologue. These include meeting a faction of gods in their heyday (choose 1 of 4), working as the Wrath of God, the fall of one of your siblings/nephilim, working as a muse for Leonardo da Vinci, and a mission in Rome with Israfel where you pass as a gladiator. The second half of the story will proceed in a strictly linear fashion though there may be some plane hopping madness that has the potential to mess with the timeline…

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re getting this from the very first scene. Upon initially taking a mortal shell your wings are not visible unless you want them to be as they reside in another plane of existence, which is the same plane that your soul/angel self resides on. The issue the mc is dealing with in the beginning (which is actually the halfway point of the present timeline) is that they have, through the use of too much power, bound themselves to their mortal shell, thus forcing their wings to exist in the same plane as their human shell. Hence the issue as, yes, angels are not common knowledge. The second half of the story deals with different factions revealing themselves to the humans (or not) because the apocalypse is on and you’re walking around with 6 wings. You will, potentially, be able to hide them. This will be based on certain relationships, skills, and use of resources. I don’t want to be too spoilery unless you want to hear more, so I’ll leave it at that for the moment.

Daniel, at the start of the story, will be 5. By the midpoint and beyond he will be 18.

Lastly, angels and emotions. So the angel hierarchy comes into play a little on this one (see the Glossary in the stat screen for a rundown on my hierarchy of angels). Generally angels are not overly emotional with each other unless they are close. Ishim are angels made from human souls and are expected to be more emotional. Cherubim as the younger angels are also considered excitable and emotional. Guardians work closely with humans and need to be emotional so they can pass as humans. Thrones and Watchers are the least emotional of all angel tiers. Archangels are kind of in a funny position. There’s only a handful, and each one is different. Israfel, for example, is a complete softy but he isn’t comfortable talking or showing emotions around anyone other than Gabriel and Michael. Michael is a prick who has a very conceited notion about how archangels should behave, the foremost point of which is that they should not behave like humans. Many lower angels don’t interact with the archangels so they perceive them as aloof and tend to view them as incapable of doing wrong.

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also you might want to not split the stat choices into 4x2 but fit all 8 on the same page since if some people want to replay game as particular build this makes it harder for them. I dont encourage metagaming but you are running in blind. for example i wanted to build Leadership char and i had to spend time clicking all the 4 options and looking at the two suboptions of each choice. This is pretty inpractical

Also the whole gender thing feels like Forcefully inserted wikipedia. Seriously I aplaud you for Putting big ammount of work into those sexual identities and such. But Your aproach seems quite heavy handed almost as if it was for PR. that inclusivity seems forced rather than natural. To be fair thats my personal opinion and even then i disagree with aproach rather than the gender thing itself.

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@CaesarCzech
I really have to disagree with you here, i think The sexuality options are great and i like how one has so many choices. I dont agree that it Comes across as something forcefull rather something natural and delightful.

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Definitely like what I read so far, I was almost sad to reach the end of the demo. I look forward to see how you tackle the various religions. I also can’t for an epic showdown with with any top tier deities be Lucifer, Micheal, or any other option you may come up with. My only complaint is about your comment that the first half of the story is pretty linear, which is slightly disappointing but a good story makes up for that and I have this feeling that you will deliver just that. Anyways good luck ( with the game and your thesis) and look forward to the next update.

@GloriaRose No, Lucifer is not a RO. However, you will be seeing more of him, depending on how you play. I won’t say why at the moment because, spoilers darling.

@CaesarCzech The Might vs Strength is supposed to be similar in name. Both stats are more representative of a brute force character, hence the similarity in names. Strength however is for physical and might is Grace (or angelic magic). I am open to suggestions that might make this clearer though, as choosing the labels for these particular stats involved several conversations with an English Major so they may very well be too subtle of differences.

As for the stat screen, I would love to hear more feedback on this. Personally I hated the long stat screen and prefer multiple subcategories, but if the majority prefer everything on one screen that’s easy enough to fix. I split it up with the idea of primary and secondary allocations as the main screen deals with the primary stats that will, in essence, effect survivability. Relationships and skills play a part but these are what I consider less essential stats, in that playing without paying attention to these stats is possible. In particular I want players to be able to gauge their relationship and skill levels from the story itself, using the bars as confirmation of the way they are being treated.

What specifically about the approach made it seem heavy-handed to you? Was it just the ‘both’ branch? (That would be the one I would assume would feel heavier handed compared to the others as the way it was structured led to more nested choices). It’s supposed to feel a little stilted–this is a character who has not really considered the ramifications or meaning of selecting a gender identity and is doing it under the sudden prodding of an archangel (who does have a reason for prodding you but I’m trying to avoid spoilers). It’s not exactly a normal situation. One of the reasons it is so complex for the angel identity is because the mortal shell has to be strictly male or female.

[quote=“CaesarCzech, post:12, topic:15298”]
Leadership char and i had to spend time clicking all the 4 options and looking at the two suboptions of each choice. This is pretty inpractical
[/quote] If you were trying this for the options in the chaos plane, there is no leadership bonus as you probably noticed. A couple of things on this. First of all, the first part is not meant to focus on your stats and traits. It will give you a boost but it is not a definitive playstyle at this point. The first four options correspond to the four skill points you can pick, with a boost on the two types of fighting style associated with each of those skills.

The first of the more defining traits comes into play with your wing and weapon selection and I attempted to make that very clear as to what skills were gaining with each choice, though you do have to select a choice to see what skills can be gained from it, but there is the option to change your selection. The purpose of this is that a) I want people to be able to know what skills they will be increasing while b) not directly telling the player “psst! For leadership click me!” I want a more organic character evolution with the choices made for the choices, though I can understand the frustration when attempting to level a certain skill.

What I will say for certain is that there will be opportunities that almost explicitly tell you what skills you will be leveling. Example: (The format, not the exact words/situation) There is going to be a police raid on a warehouse full of drugs. You:
A: Volunteer to lead the raid yourself.
B: Carry the battering ram to break down the door.
C: Slip in the back door with a smaller team.
D: Plan out the attack and hang back so you can make modifications on the go.

Not all options will provide the opportunity to level all stats. For example, the previous four choices are A. Leadership, B. Strength, C. Agility, and D.Ingenuity. However, the opportunity for gaining stats will be equal in that stats not represented here will potentially be leveled elsewhere. Reading the explanation of the traits/stats is supposed to help players identify potential situations where they might increase a stat if they are having difficulties.

Again, the skills are currently a WIP. I am focusing first on the story as the stat checks don’t really come into play until the second half of the story which is a ways off. Currently my system of stats is an incremental system based on percentages so that it gets harder to level certain skills the higher your rating. I may change this to a much simpler system of flat values that would (potentially) allow you to exceed 100%. In the future I may post the demo without the corresponding stat changes based on decisions because I am still tweaking them.

@T_bonez Thanks for the comment! I think that I may have confused people when I said linear–I was referring to timeline, less so plot line, though the first half is a little more straightforward than the second-half. There are plenty of choices with ramifications in the first-half, from selecting the cop you partner with to deciding how to deal with your local demons. My goal is that players can fall wherever they want on a ‘goodness’ scale. I don’t want to give away too much but I do want to make it so that replaying the game with different choices actually changes the way the game feels, rather than trying out different stats for different battle techniques. Because the second half of the game really delves into alliances the branches diverge more dramatically, but I’d like to think that the first half will still offer plenty of choices and noticeable differences for various playthrough styles.


This brings me to one other point: I have difficulties playing evil or dark characters. I’m the type of person who kept reloading while playing Halo because the marines died :confounded:. I do have a roommate who plays evil incarnate characters attempting to check that I do have a viable ‘dark’ path… but if you notice a distinct lack, feel free to point it out.

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@Dae-kalina oki, for now i will just focus on being all evil and then rule hell as king Muhahha :smiling_imp: #Romanceistocomeformymc #firstloveisnotaRO

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I will say this for RO’s (I’ll say more if people want me to because I love talking about my characters) there is a wide variety of species (i.e. werewolves, fae, humans, angels, demons, Fallen…) and alignment will change the RO’s (certain characters won’t be impressed that you want to rule hell :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). Secondly I will state this: they appear to be limited for the first half of the story but opens up at the second half. Not saying why that is though, just that it is a thing.

I have a feeling your character may like a certain warlock…

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@Dae-kalina you had me AT demon and when you said warlock , i died, all The feels :heart::+1:[quote=“Dae-kalina, post:17, topic:15298”]
I’ll say more if people want me to because I love talking about my characters
[/quote]
Also this please Tell me more! :wink:

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Does your human form age or do you have to take a new form so people don’t know you’re not exactly human?
Really good story can’t wait for more :grinning:

Lucifer is not a RO? Aw. :c

I’m mostly kidding. :slight_smile: The interest in him is mostly due to the fact that he seems like a really interesting character. I don’t know if we’ll get to define how the MC feel about him in general, but so far I think my MC used to idolize him, especially for introducing this whole new wonderful concept of “you can choose for yourself”, to her. Haven’t decided what her feeling about him “falling” is yet.

It interesting when comparing the archangels. My MC and Michael will be on complete opposite ends of the spectrum of “emotions and feeling about humans”… so yeah… there’ll definitely be lots of arguing. ^^

Btw. There is a bug in the game, when choosing your angel blade. If you choose the morningstar it maxes your ruthlessness, but if you don’t choose it and go back and for example choose the staff you end up with 80% ruthless (where it would be 60% merciful if you had chosen the staff at the beginning). I haven’t tried all combos to see if the problem happens with the other weapons

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I’ve been a member on here for years, but due to school I haven’t been on here in ages, and forgot my old account information, BUT, I have to say this is the best WIP I’ve seen in the past few years. I can’t wait until you progress enough to have beta testers as I would volunteer in a heartbeat. Not gonna lie though, I adore Lucifer so far and I love your approach with him. I still lowkey hope he’s a romace, but alas after reading your comment I see that won’t happen :sob: . I still look forward to your next updates!

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@GloriaRose Well, the demons include an incubus and succubus for starters. I also want to point out here that there are differences in this world between demons, devils, and the Devil. (Worldbuilding notes!) Demons are former humans. Angels who fell are called Fallen, and are not demons. Devils are actually creatures from other planes of existence. Most of them are actually dark but some are not. Therefore calling Lucifer the Devil is actually a misnomer. There are classes of demons like there are for angels, like succubus and incubus.

Ahem. The warlock.

First of all, and not actually pertinent to him being a RO, he has a brother named Nate who is a necromancer. A sketchy necromancer who is perpetually high.

His name is Ryder (though that’s not his birth name. His birth name is Eljas.) Warlocks are territorial due to the nature of their power (demonic bargains) so he is the sole warlock in the city. (Warlocks are a type of magic user, and the term is gender neutral, btw). He has a soft spot for his brother even though he’s usually found yelling at him. Hates werewolves. Likes to use hellfire to burn things.

He has an intense hatred of weakness and is of the opinion that if you can’t hold onto power then you never deserved it. He has no qualms about killing and isn’t particularly good at relationships. Somewhat vain, he likes to enforce stereotypes of what a warlock looks like (according to him) so he goes around dressed in a black leather duster, black boots, black cargo pants, a (you guessed it) black shirt. He has long white-blond hair and pale, almost white, eyes.

He is flattered by people giving him power. He is attracted to power, regardless of gender. Ryder finds ruthlessness and manipulating others a turn on. He can actually be protective of the MC if the relationship is approached carefully, but generally he prefers to be part of a power couple.

Feel free to ask specific questions. I’ll answer if I think I can do so without being super-duper spoilery. (I think goal accomplished so far?)

@Ventura I am so happy that people are interested in Lucifer. He has a rather pivotal role (oh how bad I want to give spoilers). There will be opportunities to define their relationship and how your mc feels about him, and also the opportunity to change that after a certain reveal. I have to let Lucifer have a little say here on his general state of being in present time.

Lucifer: “God gave us freewill. He made me. I am of the mind that he knew what I would do, and I have come to terms with it. I may be called the Devil. They may call me Satan. But I believe that humans need incentive to do good, to help them drive back the darkness. I find fear an adequate incentive. So in my way, I am doing what God intended. I punish the wicked. Someone has to, and who better than one who has known heaven and lost it? I know what it is to lose paradise. I know how to inflict pain. I know how to terrify those who would sin straight, and I know how to draw sinners in and make them pay.”

Sorry. Well, not really. I want Lucy back in the game soon but… it is not to be. King of Hell has things to do, like making sure Lillith doesn’t oust him. I also want to say that the relationship with the MC can change some of his view on his situation. And if you play the right cards, you can see Lucifer in an apron. Cooking. I fear I’ve said too much but… I just adore Lucy and love that people seem to want more of him.

And Michael… Michael has a complicated relationship with the MC. Even if you agree with him, he’ll still find a way to turn it into a fight. Part of it is for spoilery reasons that will be revealed at some point. Part of it is just Michael.

And thanks for the bug catch! I’ll have to go check that out and see what’s causing that. Is it sad that I’m actually excited someone found something wrong that I can go fix? Edit: Caught the bugger. Think I’ve put it down. I uploaded a new version.

@reitakishima Glad you like it! I will let people know when I’m looking for final beta testers but it will probably be a while… this thing is going to be long. Like 50,000 words before you even get to go to your job location for the first time, forget actually working and meeting people. And another Lucy adorer. You people make me want to explain why he’s not a RO but… spoilers…

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Ahhhhh this world building is phenomenal! The amount of thought you are putting behind this is so cool. I could listen to you describe everything in this world. Also the Warlock sounds so cool, but in an extremely dorky way with how he dresses :joy: . Also one part of me wishes to romance him, but on the other hand he seems kind of like a father/idol figure to Gabriel.

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@reitakishima Careful what you wish for! I have chased my roommates from the room before with world-building discussions! Seriously though, if you have a question about the world feel free to ask. There are probably things that won’t be explicitly mentioned in the game (part of the reason for the glossary) as well as things that the scope of this game simply doesn’t reach that people may be interested in, so go ahead and ask away.

Though I will say that:
A. The MC has a biased world view and some of their ‘facts’ may not be accurate (i.e. don’t put all your trust in what Gabriel ‘knows’) and
B. Magic makes impossibilities a little wonky.

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Might be interesting. Plus it’s rated mature. I’ll definitely be watching this thread.

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