Hi!
Your WIP is very good, I enjoyed playing it multiple times (and I will keep playing it!).
Oh, poor mom… I wish I could embrace both her and the MC and tell them everything is going to be OK. The Brewer siblings are awesome to hang out with, each own in their own way. Ehren got me worrying about him and his “I want more than this provincial life”, specially since he was so eager to trust our enigmatic Heleana in order to make those dreams come true. As for Aivah, I’m really excited to see such a smart and perceptive but shy young lady developing into a confident one in the future. I’M ROOTING FOR YOU, GIRL!
I found 2 things that you would like to give a look:
1- I think you were choosing each one of them would suit better, but forgot to erase the one you discarded.
2- It happens after the Festival.
Hey everyone! . Wow, I can’t thank you enough, the support is really motivating me and fills me with warm feelings. I’ve patched my build for demo version 2.1. It should address everyone’s issues, though if I’ve missed something or the problem is still happening, please let me know so I can scold myself and fix it. I’ve tweaked my structure a bit since I felt that going through all the Call events is already quite a meaty chunk, so when you head home after doing all your events, that is now the end of Chapter 2. I’ve added the interlude scene that takes us into Chapter 3 into this Patch, but I’m still working on that finishing that Chapter. Hopefully it’ll be during the first week of March.
But jah, I’m heading to work now, but I’ll respond to comments and questions people have made when I get back later tonight. If I could ask, I wonder if anyone might have some feedback on how the fight scene with Roach/Bevin felt and flowed? As well as the rest of the Call events in general?
I feel like you’re creating something with a real sense of its own unique world and an emotional depth to it already. I’m super excited to play more & if I get a chance to play through again soon I’ll bear in mind the parts that you’d like feedback on
I’m hooked! I’m very much invested in these characters already, even if one of them is a little shit sometimes (Ehren, quit picking on your sister you brat!). And I kinda already want to smack Gwendolyn’s dad on principal, even if we haven’t seen much of Gwendolyn herself. I like the tone and style of this so far and I can’t wait till the story really kicks off!
I’m curious, is this set up to be a series or a standalone story? This has a very “epic fantasy game” vibe so far, is there a class system? What sort of things can the mc be?
On to the technical stuff!
I think you forgot to check for gender when flirting with Ehren. Bi and homosexual characters can flirt with him while straight characters cannot, regardless of gender. If you play as a female mc who is specifically attracted to Aivah neither the romantic OR platonic option appear in that scene(be tender or just his name, right?) so there’s probably something strange with a variable too
The skip to scene function is also a bit buggy when skipping to “At the call”
The sexuality choice looks like this even for female MC’s and it does set the flags as if it were a male mc (i.e it’ll give you a point to Aivah’s romance (I assume) but you can’t flirt with her)
heya, used to play this story back when ya started (i didn’t sign up back then) and i’m really glad to see it back. you have a great writing style.
just my opinion but i think the line from the old demo “brothers, come what may” was a better start to “no matter what may come”. i understand it’s because of the choosable but lines like “what are we if not family, come what may” doesn’t really sound as cool. i personally think “siblings, come what may” is a little cooler
.
also i noticed ya changed a few names like mr riley to tanathi and ryekard to rickard. is bellla the same too or is it gwendolyn now?
No I think it’s bug where even if you pick you have feelings, the game acts like you don’t have them.
That choice appears if you chose not to have feelings.
Something is a bit wonky, and looking at the code the flirt choices for Aivah are still there. They just aren’t appearing for some reason.
Also in digging I found the Ehren’s romance start for the tavern and it has the same issue as the magistar scene. It’s checking sexuality but not gender.
So I just got back from work, and its past 1 in the morning, but somehow I still don’t really want to go to sleep. It’s a strange feeling, but I like, and it seems to grow the more I share this story…so thank you all for reading!
Happy belated birthday!
I hope to implement one, though I’m not really sure how to do that. I know @CJW designed a way to have one, and I kinda it installed before, but I messed up that code now recently as I’ve ben making edits to old texts. So all I need to do is stop being lazy and implement it again.
Thank you so much , its really nice to know that I’m capturing the right tone and creating immersion. I was concerned because of how slow the pacing is in these first two chapters. I did it to try and create a baseline for your PC (In my mind I think of this as your Storyteller or your Teller) and the mechanics of their world. A lot of my style is born from my love for Wheel of Time, and so I’m treating Song of The Fallen in a similar way, weaving an epic fantasy coming of age adventure. Or at least that’s the dream
But jah…I think I killed most of the bugs you encountered. As for what happens to your Teller after they head home from the Call…that will be coming in the next update.
That’s really comforting to read, I get a bit lazy sometimes when rewriting the same scene in each of the personality voices and I wonder if the different tone of each voice is coming through and whether the Reader feels a connection to their Teller in the story, whether it really feels like they have personality…these are the things I wonder about in this cold wind, when I should be sleeping
I love that you love this! I feel that it’s emotion, more than anything else, that breathes life into a story. Characters…plot…magical lands of aliens and dragons…all of those things are like a mould that you plaster over the emotion that you want the Reader to feel. Without emotion, there is no story, only empty words on a page. I really appreciate your feedback.
Don’t worry about them, my hands are loving and gentle, the story will have dark times but there will also be victory and joy. Though, of course, the first step is the breaking. Yeah, Ehren is so driven by his dream to become a Wardren and a Hero, that he loses sight and becomes blind to many things. This will become a source a tension between and your Teller, and how it plays out will be determined by your Tellers beliefs and choices.
Aivah is one of my favourite characters! I really enjoy writing her. She’s a lot like me, and her story sees her embrace the power of her mind and her voice. I have biiiig plans for her overall arc. For those who don’t mind spoilers…After Chapter Two, she will only reappear again in Chapter 7or 8. But she’ll have a big impact on how your Teller navigates the climax. For those who romance, hopefully I establish her well enough that it creates a sort of “lost lover” feeling that ignites into hesitant passion once you’re reunited.
So jah…I think I pretty sure I killed the bugs you found. As for my health, I’ll try to eat and apple a day!
That Interlude with Gwendolyn is something I wrote and rewrote a few times, and spent a long time trying to make it click just right. I try to weave a loooooot of subtle worldbuilding in those three pages…establishing the rules for how magic works, introducing Daemons, and growing the myth of the Sun Sisters and the Sun Tower.
So far I’ve been setting the tone in first gear, but I’m about to rev it up to 3rd
This is the first game in a planned series. I have the beginning of the second game sort of mapped in my head, but I’m a discovery writer, so I plan and create the story as I write it. I use various outlines almost as a skeleton that guides, then flesh it out and learn things about my world as I’m writing it. There isn’t really a class system per say, but your Teller does gain access to a certain set of abilities, how you use them are up to you. Incidentally, if there’s an interest, I could write a post that explains the system. It’s largely inspired by the ay The Last Airbender uses elemental magic, fused with channeling in Wheel of Time, with a little bit of my own imaginings.
Yeah, I’m seeing that theres a bug there, but I think I know what the problem is, just need to dig into the code and kill it . The same with Aivah.
I actually didn’t mean to have that in the demo Normally I cut that out whenever I upload to dashingdon, but so tired at the time, I forgot. I use that when I playtest to make sure that the story flows logically through all available options and for stresstesting. I just kinda cobbled it together.
So Thing two is a new bug you showed me, thanks for that. Ima kill it
WelIcome back to the game! I hear what you’re saying, though to my ears “siblings” doesn’t sound quite as right as “family”. But I’ll consider rewording. Also, as @No_This_Is_Patrick says Gwendolyn in the Princess, as for Bella, she’s been renamed to Theia. She’s the little girl in the prologue. And she’ll be coming in the next update.
It’s definetly a bug! . But I live by a strict code.
Right you are
But jah…Early morning at the bar tomorrow, so I should probably go sleep soon. I’ll be working on Chapter 3 through the rest of this month, and will have a new demo posted on the 4th of March.
If anybody is interested…It would be nice to brainstorm with another human person, to help flesh out some of my worldbuilding ideas for the game, particularly things like the politics, geography, economy, military and cultures. Let me know if that’s the kind of thing you’d like to help with and be a part of.
But aaanyway…good night, sleep tight and don’t bite the bedbugs, they don’t taste nice.
. Wow, I can’t thank you enough, the support is really motivating me and fills me with warm feelings. I’ve patched my build for demo version 2.1. It should address everyone’s issues, though if I’ve missed something or the problem is still happening, please let me know so I can scold myself and fix it. I’ve tweaked my structure a bit since I felt that going through all the Call events is already quite a meaty chunk, so when you head home after doing all your events, that is now the end of Chapter 2. I’ve added the interlude scene that takes us into Chapter 3 into this Patch, but I’m still working on that finishing that Chapter. Hopefully it’ll be during the first week of March.
and not the choice being removed completely…
, its really nice to know that I’m capturing the right tone and creating immersion. I was concerned because of how slow the pacing is in these first two chapters. I did it to try and create a baseline for your PC (In my mind I think of this as your Storyteller or your Teller) and the mechanics of their world. A lot of my style is born from my love for Wheel of Time, and so I’m treating Song of The Fallen in a similar way, weaving an epic fantasy coming of age adventure. Or at least that’s the dream 
