Song of the Fallen WIP: UPDATED! - Chapter 3 &4 (January 2021)

[Left4Bed]

Hey, so this is game I’ve been working on for quite a while now that I just can’t seem to let go off. It’s a high fantasy adventure that tries to weave a story of magic and mortals and gods and kings that places you as a character inside of that larger world. I’ve tried to provide as many opportunities as I can manage for you to shape and determine the nature and personality of your character along the way.

Please enjoy.

Our story begins 6 years after the Sundered War, a raging worldwide conflict of Gods and Mortals which scarred the earth. At its end an agreement was formed, the Rites of Unification which tied the Fourfold Nations as one, united that such a war may never happen again. You play as a young boy or a young girl in a town called Prairie with a father who died in the war as a conscripted soldier and a mother who spends her days waiting for a return that will never come.

But the world is still a fractured place. Peace might reign, but it settles uneasily and old wounds have yet to heal. Change is coming, and with change comes the price of death. Death of the old way as a new one enters, and a song that was once lost, sings a new tune.

LINK TO THE DEMO: https://dashingdon.com/play/left4bed/song-of-the-fallen/mygame/

Also, this WIP was posted before in another form, but that threads been locked off due to inactivity.

[Terrell_Williams]

Welcome back @Left4Bed been a long time

[Left4Bed]

Thank you, it’s good to be back. Keen to keep writing.

[avidreader]

It’s back!!!. Welcome back @Left4Bed

[Kamer]

I’m liking what I’ve read so far. Here’s a few mistakes for you to correct:

“him” should be “his” in this case.

In this case, you ought to either remove the comma or remove “with” in the first sentence. Either one of them make sense on their own, but together it’s a bit off.

Needs quotations marks

Apostrophe is unnecessary

[BoisterousBumblebee]

This was such a fantastic read! The world feels natural and cohesive already and we’ve barely started. Quite the immersion.
Also, perhaps I’ve missed somethings but who in the blazes is Aivah?

I’m definitely excited for whats to come.

[DevilDog_1999]

First of all this has the making of a great story. Can’t wait to see where u take this.

[No_This_Is_Patrick]

Aivah isthe best friend sister, in the old demo she had a crush on the male MC not sure if it’ll be the same for a female MC in this one since it’s gender choice now.

[BoisterousBumblebee]

Oh I see, thanks!
She seems to react the same regardless of gender currently. Though perhaps thats because the difference hasnt been coded yet.

[No_This_Is_Patrick]

We haven’t met her yet.

[DarthDovahkin]

Yes! It’s back! I’m so happy!

[Checkmate]

Very good story so far, I love the demo and am looking forward to more updates. Keep up the good writing.

[idonotlikeusernames]

Yay! It’s back!

[BoisterousBumblebee]

The bit where we asked why he was going to tell Aivah that we’ll be attending was still there, I’d assume she was still interested in the mc.

We’ll see I suppose.

[JQGDwpr]

Hey, the part I loved most was your narration it is very good, I only have a question. Will the player be able to define the character appearance (main character)?

I have to say that I am glad to finaly read a work that focuses on the MC reality (problems/circumstances) and his/her feelings. I love this writing style because it makes everything more palpable and real to the reader it makes the reader identify itself with the MC that’s why I like your work a lot.

[Left4Bed]

@Kamer Thanks! I’m glad you liked the read, and also thanks for pointing out the punctuation and grammar mistakes. I miss those sometimes, so having those extra eyes is super helpful. I’ve made those changes, and added them to the next update.

@BoisterousBumblebee Thank you! The feeling of immersion is definitely something I try hard to create, so I’m really glad it comes across. As for Aivah, she’s Ehren sister but we haven’t met her yet, that comes in Chapter 2 which I should be posting soon. It’s already written, but I just need to reformat my old code and make some tweaks and changes.

@JQGDwpr When it comes to defining character appearance that’s not really something I’ve thought about too much. I generally just assume that the reader is already visualizing their character as they’d like them to be, so I don’t really see the point of explicitly including such descriptions in the text. I’ve seen a few IF games that do give the option, but I never really see that choice translating into much of anything. I suppose I could try to put something like that in, but if I’m honest it would probably just end up being a choice that doesn’t really come up again and the work I think it would take to make it be a factor that gets mentioned throughout the story is a thought overwhelms me a little.

[LordNanachi]

Neat.

I like how I have the option of making my character a total tight ass. Which I find is a reasonable reaction for half the shit that happened during that demo.
Example:
Esth: “Oh boy wasn’t breaking and entering while also almost getting murdered by our towns lead authority the best!”
MC: “Wh- WHAT!? NO WE ARE FUCKED! THAT WAS FUCKED! WHY DID WE DO THAT!?”
Esth: “Hmm now that I think about it maybe that WAS a bad idea”
MC: “YES, YES IT WAS!”

I am intrigued for more.

[Left4Bed]

Lol! Yeah I must say that those more hardass character options are probably my favourite parts to write, though I do find at times that the tone of those options can be similar to the sarcastic choice. That said, I try to keep each trait as distinctive as I can so that the reader feels like those choices are really defining their personality and affecting the type of relationship you have with the other characters in the story.

The idea is that after the first two chapters the reader has really had enough opportunity and begun to craft the type of PC they want to create, and the world will react to that more and more e.g. someone might be more willing to speak to you because you’re nicer while others might be annoyed by you or not like you because you’re too nice…or maybe you’re seen as intimidating because of your gruff personality so the person you’re interacting with falls over themselves to give whatever it is you want that would be harder to get with a different personality…and so forth.

[Nexus]

I absolutely love it. Though there’s a change when the best friend refer to to the Mc, he calls the Mc brother even when I chose a female gender.

[Dloading]

This story was one of my favorite WIPS back then great to see it reopen , if my memory is correct I think I know what happens next