Yeah, I’m rereading what i’ve written so far and it definitely needs way more. I’m gonna work on it. Thank you for being honest with me. 
I prefer more specific customization choices – if they are utilized in the game (in descriptions, and narrative exposition)
Knowing I can choose strawberry blond instead of blond as a hair color connects me deeper to my character.
ymmv.
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Being excited to share what we have is something I think most authors can relate to! I will try not to rehash what others have said, so here are some things I think can be better:
- The way customization is handled.
Personally, I find it immersion breaking to have a ‘disembodied voice’ asking me about what my name is. The sudden transition to the MC’s pov also felt abrupt. It would be better to weave it into a conversation perhaps, which can help us get to know the other characters (abd context) too.
- the sudden addition that we just broke off with our partner, and it seemed to be a good relationship threw me off.
I’m not sure if this is an important plot point, but it made me uneasy in that we are not given any more details about what happened. Was the MC at fault? What triggered the break-up? Why even break up, when the MC still seemed to love them?
If you need a reason for the MC to have a troubled mind, as what your plot seems to require, I would suggest letting players choose why we are troubled too. It can definitely help us shape our MC better as well!
- Entering Sleepville
This is a new place, the likes of which readers would not have seen before. How do you envision it to look like? What’s the vibe this place gives off? How does the MC feel, stepping into this strange setting? Describing the place and allowing us to respond to it in kind will also aid us in getting to know your story better.
In that vein, it somehow feels that the MC took finding themselves in this place a little too well. I too would like more options to question where exactly we are, without the use of rather crude words.
With that said, you do have an interesting concept. I hope to see where you’ll take us with it!
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I think I just like being extra with how I describe things lool
But that’s a valid point, yeah. Idk, i’ll see. 
Same here. I’m gonna be honest. I’m writing the game in the way that I would be interested in if I were the reader. My tastes might be far different from the general consensus but ultimately, I can’t write what doesn’t feel like my writing. But the rest of the stuff is super helpful and I will definitely make a solid attempt in fixing certain elements of how I write.
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This was such great advice and now i’m questioning every line i’ve written so far. Ahhhh, frick
Thank you, I think this is gonna really help. 
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One of the most important things to remember while writing is to keep your core vision firmly in mind when writing.
Always consider any constructive feedback you get – but remember: it is your job as author and game designer to take what is given and use it in the best way you think it can help. Sometimes, if feedback does not fit your vision, you need to modify that feedback to be useful to you.
Also, there is a monthly writer’s support thread… You might want to take a look at it, it can be a useful resource.
And… one more thing (sorry for the stream of thought response) … if this project is more of a hobby project and not meant to be published, you might want to consider transferring the thread to the Hobby Project category … if this is something you decide you want to do, please contact a moderator
ok, I think I shall go back to my own writing
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I can definitely add more shades to the list. 
Thank u for posting a demo, and figthing!!
Have a nice day ^^
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What I really recommend you is using the customizations in the game to make a difference in small scenes.
For example, In my entry for the contest If you choose have a no natural hair colur of hair (blue pink green or custom) Later on you have a choice to dye your hair and that changes where a plot relevant event happens.
Other I use is your race changes your dad culture and several memories you have of him telling you folklore of his land.
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That’s a very good idea which I will try to implement once I get a little more familiar with coding! Sometimes, I tend to add less choices and things due to being afraid of the code and branches that come along with it but i’ll get the hang of it eventually. 
I really recommend you tell us your doubts in the monthly writers support thread any of us will help you. And you always can send me a pm if you need coding help or other stuff. 
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So far, it is an interesting concept for sure.
Just wondering if we will be meeting these or a few people in the sleepville in the awaking world as well?
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@poison_mara is a good person to ask with beginners’ stuff, she can help you. Everyone has a point and I agree with them. Perhaps, I suggest to write the whole story like you are the MC, feel the ambiance of the place, everytime MC or other characters speak (fit in to their shoes, like you are them, reacts and feelings.), tell us what they feel and what they see.
Feel the MC like a person, and also, like what @Empress_Nightmare said to me a year ago, “work with your own pace, even the snail moves fast in their own world.” Don’t rush, your idea and concept is obviously spectacular and interesting, you just need to feel the world and connect yourself into it.
I hope my suggestion is quite okay or good… becuz I am not good in giving an advice/suggestion. 
I will keep an eye with this, I bookmarked it. Can’t wait to see more progress 
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We will see as the story goes along. 
This conversation that I’ve had with you guys has been eye opening for me and I think i’m gonna attempt a completely different approach. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to make a post after a single day of working on a game but I don’t regret posting cause you all have been so helpful and I am so grateful.
I started the game telling the reader to immerse themselves in my story but I need to immerse myself first! 
And thank you, I really appreciate that! It definitely is motivating to know that some people are intrigued by my concept. Now to try and execute something worthwhile LOL
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Yeah, I suggest going on your own pace with lots of help from people like @poison_mara. Thinking that you MUST give more content asap will only make it a mess.
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Hmm, it’s an interesting concept, and I have to say the title was unique enough that it immediately grabbed and held my attention. From experience, however, less than two thousand words is not much to go on. I wish you the best of luck in writing. I’ve bookmarked this thread, and I look forward to playing your demo, when it’s a bit more advanced. The concept really is intriguing, and I think it has a lot of potential.
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oookay. This is for the sexuality choice: “To Tickle the Ivories” means to play the piano. Its white keys were formerly made of ivory.
also
Please don’t. We all gotta start somewhere, and you don’t have to scrap anything; just work on fixing and building on this one.
Random cake example because I’m hungry: If you want to make your own chocolate cake, you gotta find a recipe first, right? Even though the first one may not taste the best, starting from nothing(and no experience) is gonna have…worse results.
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Even if Train scraps everything. It is not a lost it is simply a step in the learning process every writer has to endure And it is a victory by itself.
Also @TrainofPoliteness Can I ask your pronouns? I don’t want misgendered you. by the way mine are she/her.
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