i see grey dead is black death from 1346 - 1353
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My MC would save himself (did it first play). but them i realized " save Prihine = reward " so saved her too.
" Caine= no rich father = unnecessary risk " 
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my mc’s thought process was “well, i hate praline pecan and i no longer have to protect her, and this caine kid seems alright, so i know who i’m saving!” plus he thought it might be a nice little “fuck you” to ebert. 
3 Likes
I love what I’ve read so far. There are endless amounts (and then more after that) of medieval fantasy-based stories on CoG, but something about the way you write and direct what’s going on in the scenes (and also the world itself) feels special and made me excited by the atmosphere of the game and want to keep going.
I get frustrated with fantasy stories sometimes because in my experience a lot of fantasy authors (in general, not on CoG) can be long-winded in their writing style and it makes me feel like I have to skim read to picture their scenes at a natural pace. But anyway, I’m getting kinda long-winded myself. My point is I find your writing style enjoyable and easy to read, and you describe the world without going overboard so it still leaves enough up to my imagination. I’m really excited about all of the Diminished races and I wonder if Caine or Prihine will feel like they owe the MC later.
About the poll, my MC made a split second decision and saved them both. She doesn’t really hate Prihine and she hasn’t seen enough death just yet to be able to switch off and choose one over the other.
By the way, sorry if this has been already asked, but are you planning on putting quicksave/load into your game at some point in the future?
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The Way magic is treated it makes me thing of Dragon Age
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Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback! 
I completely understand what you mean about long-winded and bogged-down fantasy stories–looking at you, Robert Jordan–and it’s why I’ve gotten so picky about reading in that genre these days! I was worried that I was taking too long to get to the meat of the story in H+H, so I’m relieved to hear that you didn’t feel that way! Thank you again And yes, the aftermath of Caine and Prihine’s incident will unfold as the story continues, so you will definitely see the effects of your decisions in one way or another!
And I am definitely planning on adding a save system in the future, way down the line. I have to look into the best way to do it but because there are many chapters (and many branching paths) I want people to be able to replay from a certain point if they so choose. So yes, that will be something I implement for sure!
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I think Ebert’s issue isn’t so much what you are saying to Caine as much as you just talking to him. Remember, Ebert is a bigot towards mages, elves, ket, etc. If you aren’t a norm, Ebert despises you and thinks you are less than human.
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I’ve just tried the demo and I am completely hooked! I look forward to the game itself. 
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Yup, @2xs has it right! Ebert is a homegrown racist and will use any excuse to tell you to stay away from his apprentice, no matter what you say to Caine. He doesn’t like that a Diminished is associating with his apprentice at all, or that Caine looks up to you, and will just use the topic of the Castigation as a convenient excuse to twist your words, accuse you of subversion, and threaten you with turning you in! It’s his way of justifying his actions, since in his mind he’s saving his apprentice from being “corrupted” by you. No one is the villain of their own story~
And thank you, @resuri08!
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I also want to say that shunning a certain young boy and appeasing a certain bigot, led to me discovering a completely different side of a certain client that changed my mind about this person. I hope I was vague enough there, but I am certain that @rinari knows of what I speak.
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I disagree. No-one is the antagonist of their own story, but the protagonist can still be a villain. Look at how quickly Ebert abandons his innocent apprentice to the wicked sorcerer once you reach the city. 
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I’ve just read through the demo for this and I am totally hooked on both your world and the premise, this is one WIP I am going to keep an eye on. I feel the flow and tempo are are great I loved the scene in the church, it made my hair stand on end. The most important thing though is I forgot I was playing a demo and I was so disappointed when it finished. I hope I can write as well as this when I start to produce my own game.
4 Likes
For a first time I effort, I keep being amazed more and more as I reread the demo.
@rinari Have you ever done any other writing for contests, or novels or games, tv, movies??? Cause I have seen many professional authors who can’t make a story flow like that while still being so vivid in its imagery.
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my guess is… @rinari probably is an Author/Writer/Novelist before she decided to make a game from her book 
i’ll quote her post here :
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Wow, thank you so much, guys! Thank you @Emery_Valentine for your kind words, I’m so glad you enjoyed the demo. As a quick update I’d like to say that chapter one is underway and the “day off” system–a hub where you can explore the city, build stats, shop, earn extra money, and build relationships with recruited characters on your days off–has finally been implemented! Each character has their own separate story and relationship to explore and influence if you so choose–or you can ignore them completely! The catch is that there are only so many hours in a day, so as time goes on and the Shepherds grow, you might have to start being selective about who you spend your time with. 
I’ve also put in a romance flag system that I quite enjoy; I think romance in this is going to be pretty dynamic and tailored well to each character. Obvious flirtatious options won’t always be the correct choice for some personalities; and sometimes it will be the RO showing their interest first, while other times it will have to be you. It’s all been quite fun!
To answer @2xs and @Curious_Boy, yes, I do currently write for a living. I’m finishing up my first speculative fiction manuscript to send to my agent by the end of the year, and although this is my first-ever Choicescript attempt I’ve tried my hand at interactive fiction at Episode and other places before. I love choice-based games and narratives, so it’s a really fun project for me to work on in my spare time. Especially while I labor over this other sci-fi monster!
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sounds fun!! 
can’t wait to test it 
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I’ve updated the demo if anybody is interested. It ends at the choice to follow Trouble or Tallys.
Note: On your day off, everything takes time except shopping. I thought it would be unfair to limit people to just one shopping trip when they might change their mind and go back to the store in the same day. But as of right now, if you go back to the store twice, you’ll get the same dialogue, which I’ll fix down the road.
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There’s an error when choosing to follow Tally, is that the end? Also…damn I kinda like Prihine now.
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Oh, sorry, that’s where the demo ends for now! It’s not an error! 
And yes Prihine isn’t so bad if you can win her alliance down the road!
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Ok cool can’t wait for the rest. 
1 Like