Shengzhang: Journey of the Immortal [WIP] [Chapter 2 Part 1: Febuary 16th, 2023!] [63k Words]

To be honest, it’s hard for me to pick what age I’d want a character I haven’t even met to be. I mean, there’s a brief mention of a child in the game, but it’s too brief for me to really get an idea of them. Also, is that child actually travelling with us after that scene? If so, that wasn’t very clear to me. It seemed to me it was just a passing mention of having seen a child, and in fact I hadn’t even recalled it at all, so I replayed to figure out what child you were talking about.

EDIT: @Phenrex What do you mean by “side by side”? To me that’s either a vehicle or a refrigerator.

EDIT 2: OH. I completely misread that scene. The child isn’t even there; that’s just a different scene entirely, that you’ve interspersed with what the MC is doing. So then I guess my question is, is the MC aware of this happening somehow? Some sort of clairvoyance? I had figured that if it’s not a POV swap it’s probably happening right in front of me, but if not, then I have no idea.

EDIT 3: Well, personally I think it’s mostly that in order for me to be immersed, I only want to be aware of things that the MC is aware of. So I think that leads me to assume the MC is aware of everything not explicitly labeled otherwise. Apparently, not everyone is like that, and some people actually find omniscient viewpoint to be more immersive. Can’t comprehend why, but such people do exist. Those people probably won’t have the same reading I did.


Ok, I hate to argue with the poll results (so far), but I think 6 years old is the worst option :joy:. Let me explain:
I’m pretty sure there’s supposed to be time jumps in the game. Which would mean the child would age throughout the book. That would mean a 6 year old would become more independent quicker. And 6 year olds are pretty independent anyway. And they’ll only become older. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that in general, but I think you need to think about if that’s what you want. I mean, you made the child so young in the first place. And if the child is younger, you can explore the younger age groups that really rely on their parents

If I’m wrong, and the child isn’t aging over time, then a 6 year old isn’t such a bad idea, but I still think younger would be better


I voted 6 partly because the child will presumably have an established personality to some degree, and in my opinion it would be more believable if that were the result of having had a few formative years to develop before the Immortal comes into the picture, with presumably very variable parenting approaches from player to player.

I don’t think children are entirely blank slates, but many parts of personality are influenced by the environment someone spends their early childhood in.


I voted 8 months old because it’s a baby and the image of them holding Ru’s baby in their arms as they feel the crushing weight of their loss is so heartbreaking…I love it. The oldest I would want to start with is 4 years old, just because I look after a 6 year old irl - 6 is when children start to properly be little people that can do things for themselves and their own opinions on things (and let you know what those opinions are), I’d love my immortal to struggle a little with someone who is totally dependant on them for a little bit.


I agree, I observed a kindergarten class last year, and they were definitely more independent than people initially think


They also retain information and absorb more that you think - I have to google facts because he keeps on asking me questions that I dont know the answer too like how many moons different planets have


Aww, that’s sweet

I think because of Covid 6 year olds in the real world are definitely going to be very aware of death. I don’t know that that’s going to be the case generally in this world, but for a 6 year old that has experienced it… yeah, they know what it is.

Damn. This is a wordsmith masterpiece


Im so invested in this IF and the worldbuilding is already so rich and exciting


CONTENT UPDATE: Chapter 2 Part 1 - February 16th, 2023

Update Talk: I originally intended to release Chapter 2 in full, but I decided to split it into two parts, what is currently available is everything leading up to the introduction of the kid. Since everything after that point needs rewrite or adjustment, it felt proper to give an update with what has been sitting ready to ship for at least the past few weeks considering my first draft of the rewrites was… Not ideal, for me, I ended up trying a method of writing that really influenced my work flow negatively so I’m scrapping most of that and starting over from where I cut things off. I am still glad I’m making the change to the Child’s age, but it just means there is a few extra complexities that need to be worked out!

The following has been addressed:

  • 10k+ New Words of Content! - [The first three scenes of Chapter 2]
  • A few minor spelling errors, a few weird word choices here and there in the Prologue and Chapter 1.
  • The Teahouse scene has been rewritten to flow a bit better, considering before it felt a bit contrived. [A blind woman will no longer recognize you from voice alone after not seeing you in decades let alone hearing your voice.]
  • Adjustments to the description for the Immortal if they have feelings for Ru has been adjusted. [No longer will they declare they have not shared their feelings, only to then be given the option to be lovers in the past.]

Next Update Plans:

  • Finish Content for Chapter 2 [Scenes 4, 5, & 6]
  • Adjust Surname Options for Shi personas to fit better with the rest of presented choices for naming schemes.
  • Adjust labels/words used for clothing to be more easy to visualize.

While I was looking through the Hide select indicators, the option for Hide Relationship Changes - [ Stats Visible] produces an error message: choicescript_stats line 198: invalid indent, expected 10, was 8

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Should be fixed now! Thanks for letting me know :blush:

Response to @Starwish_Armedwithwi :
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to write a reply!


This is so good, can’t wait for the next update!


So eh, do we know how Ru got their immortality? or is it something we’ll find out later?

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It was stated in the game that Ru was half fairy (mc nomad race) and half human but they weren’t exactly immortal just aged VERY slowly.


Found a small continuity thing. I picked one of the dismissive options here, and W didn’t actually get a chance to intro themself.

My MC probably shouldn’t know their name. :sweat_smile:


Response to @Starwish_Armedwithwi :
Currently, it’s because they were part Xianling, but I might end up changing the origins of their immortality to something else since I find that kind of banal considering it’s something the Immortal themself can be.

Response to @Fenrir1 :
That’s a small continuity thing I probably need to address. I am still uncertain which way I lean on that aspect but I imagine that immortal might encompass more than what is traditionally recognized, perhaps? Or I just need to remove that line about aging. I am thinking on it.

Response to @LadyUmbreon89 :
I have been pretty careful to avoid using names until you know them, I’ll make sure to adjust it to fix that soon! Thanks for letting me know! [I’ll add an edit for when it’s fixed since it’s so minor.]


Progress Update (March 23rd, 2023): Recently, I have taken up the task of setting up a translation system for words in the game following some contemplation on my part and a well-grounded complaint regarding the usage of Pīnyīn in the text being at times inconsistent and harming narrative flow. I took out some terms that were not necessary [namely, I simplified the words to describe the clothing from describing the parts to describing the whole], and am currently integrating the new dictionary variables into the original text.

Progress on the second half of Chapter 2 has been halted as a result, but I felt I needed something different in order to gain some steam again since I took a bit of a longer break from the project than I had intended [due to getting inspired to start working on The Oracle: Downfall which is another project that might get some wind here soon!] It might not seem like much to have done this but it took me a long time! I had to change the names of a lot of things to something more appropriate because in retrospect I didn’t really think it through. The deity names, though, remain unchanged! Hah!

Look forward to the following features in the next update:

  • The ability to freely swap between Pīnyīn, 漢字, Loyally Translated, and Fully Translated Options.
    • Pīnyīn - All content in the dictionary will be written in Pīnyīn when possible.
    • 漢字 - Content from the library will be written in Chinese characters instead of Pīnyīn.
    • Loyal Translation - Default Mode, translates some things while leaving most significant things in Pīnyīn.
    • Full Translation - Translates everything except for Character Names.
  • Integration of these new Dictionary variables into the game!
    • A lot of the original text had spurious use of Pīnyīn, often with me missing tonal indicators, and so switching to the variable system will make this a lot easier. This should hopefully fix a good chunk of the issues that were present with them, and if not feel free to let me know!
    • What is in the Dictionary? You ask? Well, it is the names for all the Cities, the country, the Character names [can be swapped between 漢字 and Pīnyīn only], the weapons, the clothing… Basically everything in the Glossary!

All this being said, while I present an option to fully translate any Pīnyīn [excluding character names] , I am partial to the idea that keeping to the Loyal Translation or using the other two modes than Full translation would be better. At the end of the day though, for readers who otherwise couldn’t enjoy the game with the use of Pīnyīn, I wanted to present that choice! I am curious what modes people will be likely to use, though!

  • Pīnyīn
  • 漢字
  • Loyal Translation
  • Full Translation

0 voters


Loyal translation seems like the most fun options. The 漢字 probably has some added value for those who speak chinese but I don’t so I can’t really speak for them, same for the full Pinyin one.